You’re Either a Fan or You’re Fla

The Difference a Season Makes

Stickin' To The Nerds, 10 outta 11!

I really am savoring this victory over Tech.  For one, it just felt good to beat them, but honestly I am just awe struck by how hard this team has worked to stay together despite the “Richt on the hot seat’ meme and those 2 devastating losses.

I’ll have some more in depth stuff for tomorrow….but for now these quick hitters will have to do:

– Murray is much more in sync with his footwork when he trusts his OL.

-Chris Conley is turning into one helluva receiver

-I have changed my vote for the biggest offseason acquisition from Crowell to Big John Jenkins.

-Garrison Smith really did a nice job in place of Deangelo Tyson.  After it gashed us a couple of times, he completely blew up those slant hand-offs.

-Todd Grantham for President

-Dick move by Johnson not letting the clock just run given 12 seconds left, but Paul Johnson is a dick.

-Speaking of dick moves, Johnson’s time-out ‘ice’ for that field goal sure did backfire didn’t it?

-Blair Walsh, I’m sorry buddy.  I still love you.

-Jarvis Jones got another sack.

-Murray still needs another year  to pick up the accuracy before I put him in the ‘lethal’ status.

-Orson Charles, best tight end in the Nation?  Anybody?

-If Aron White dropped that TD pass he should have kept right on running right out of the stadium.

-Is it just me (besides that one pass today) or is Sanders Commings our lock-down CB?

-Tech fans are butt hurt lillies when they lose.  The excuses on the blogosphere are deep, plentiful, and as usual lacking in the rational department

-Alec Ogletree looks like the defensive Megatron

I said it’s Great to Be A Georgia Bulldawg!

-Inspector G

Beat Florida…Pep Talk

As most of you who know my true identity, know that I have played this great game.  I still do, in my head.  That’s why I, of all authors here at HTT, have the chops to write this pep talk.

If I were on the UGA Football team, getting ready in Jax right before the game, this is what I would say:

“Get in here!   Get your asses over here!  Now listen you sons a bitches, I am sick and tired of all these people talking about ‘we’ve lost it’ and ‘we’re not good enough’  I’m tired of that shit.  I’m tired of coming down here every year and getting our asses handed to us!  I am tired of the bullshit ‘they’re better than we are’ mantra that goes around for this game.  That shit is over!  Do you hear me?!?  That shit is over.

Today men, we’re gonna go out there, in our white jerseys, and we’re gonna kick the shit out of those piece of shit gators from whistle to whistle.  We don’t need any gimmicks, new jerseys, or celebration penalties.  Just go out there, stick your helmet on some poor son of a bitch and let him know, as he’s having trouble getting up, that you’ll be right back on the next play.  Hit them in the mouth, again, and again, and again to where they want to quit.  Make them tired!  Make them lose contain!  Make them throw a pick! Make them know that this is not the Georgia they’re used to.  We’re not pussies tip toe’ing around any more.  This is a new era!  A new attitude!  WE DO NOT TAKE SHIT FROM ANYBODY ANY MORE!  All that talk of ‘calculated risk’ and ‘just enough to get it done’: FUCK THAT SHIT.  From snap one to snap 168 pound the guy in front of you and make him lament the fact that he even stepped on to the field today!!!

You have a chance to make all of our preseason goals come true.  No wishing, no if’s.  Let Sakerlina worry about themselves.  Because today it is ass whooping time and each of you have sold all of your tickets.  Cash them in on every single sorry piece of shit criminal they have in a blue uniform.  All the talk is now over.  All of these panty-waste pundits who couldn’t tackle out of wet paper bag can’t “analyze” the ‘what-ifs’ any more.  This is gonna happen.  Both teams are gonna step onto that field and play each other.  It’s up to you now men, to decide if these nay-sayers and fairweather fans are correct.  If they are, that means you just didn’t do what you were supposed to do and quit on yourselves and this team.  But I know that’s not gonna happen.

I want to pity these poor bastards on the opposite sidelines.  That can happen when we cram the ball down their throat drive after drive and then make them turn the ball over or punish them to get 3 and outs over and over again.  It’s time men.  It’s time for you to dominate this team, this field, both sides of the ball.  I want 60 minutes of smash-mouth football, no holds barred!  Can you do that?!  Let’s Go!”

So sue me if it sounds cheesy.  If I heard Coach Richt or Grantham say that, I would cream my pants.

-Inspector G

You Wanted Emotion, You Got It So Stop Bitching…

I have to agree with Tyler Dawgden over at the Georgia Sports Blog, but I’ll add a couple of more caveats.

1) All I ever hear from armchair Quarterbacks and other ‘UGA Fans’ is this exact statement, ‘With Richt all we get is plain Jane shit.  No emotion.  No fire.  Just Christianity and mediocrity.”  I don’t know what this whole ’emotion’ thing comes from, but Grantham provides that.  We all want something from this team: WINS.   What have we been getting, albeit not pretty: WINS.

I want it to be clear that we need to clean up some things on the team (but I really feel that most of it is just the youth of this team) for us to be lumped in the same category as Alabama and LSU, but I do see us moving in the right direction.  But UGA fans who put blame and shame on Grantham from this incident need to go jump on any other team’s band wagon and go tell the world that life has made them a dripping wet pathetic vagina.  If anything, you should start holding Grantham in a little warm place in your heart and start defending him just like he did for his own players.  I may be a homer, but I’m also honest.  This team and program needs Coaches like Grantham.  Someone who is edgy, loud, excited, and extreme.

2)  If you think, just because of a trap game performance, that our defense has suddenly ‘dropped-the-ball’ and ‘almost cost us the game’ think again.  They might have not played lights out every play, but for the amount of injuries they’ve had lately, plus the amount of Freshman playing, and Washington being out they have done pretty well.  Don’t forget that one of those scores was a kickoff return.

3) Wait until we play Florida and then make a call on how this team has performed.  I think sometimes we as fans forget that all this will be played out on the field.  We have to play them, so let’s make that assessment once it happens.

P.S.  If you’re looking for someone to put some blame on or call out, go tell James Franklin to shut the fuck up.

-Inspector G

Just to Clarify…

I’m not saying the Tennessee Volunteers are world-beaters.  But Captain and I kept hearing and seeing how “awesome” UT was and how “Bray was going to shred” our defense.  It almost made me wanna say: Well hell, why do we even have to play?  Just take the loss and save our strength.

Good thing pundits are wrong.  Good thing even my fellow UGA bloggers are sometimes fair-weather pessimistic fans.  It’s ok fellas.  Maybe I’m just that big of a homer where (within reason) I look at the numbers, the match-up, and the intangibles for each game and feel that we should win, especially against UT and especially given our defense’s new rhythm.

I’m not completely drunk on the Kool-Aid yet, but this is definitely an improvement.

NOTE: If you didn’t already know this, Captain and I hate Tennessee more than any other rivalry we have.  There is a million reasons why, but it has a lot to do with getting a bag of Lays K.C. Masterpiece (TM) dumped on me by their fans on my way out of Neyland 4 years ago.  I know a lot of UT fans who are awesome, salt of the earth.  But, as a whole, their fan-base represents the most diabolical collection of dirty-red, classless, clueless, and rude people I have ever bore witness to.  East Tennessee is aesthetically beautiful, but a large portion of the people there should be sterilized, period. Trust me, I’ve lived there.

-Inspector G

The Bulldog Prayer

You know the content here on HTT.  You know that Captain and I are a bunch of fun loving, vastly inappropriate, and always in your face thug-nasty nasty-thugs!….AND none of that is going to change.  However, at the August 30th meeting for the East Metro Bulldog Touchdown club, an invocation given was so great, so full of awesomeness I just had to post it here.

Without further adieu, the Bulldog Prayer:

Tonight our Lord we are gathered as members of the Bulldog Nation and we thank you for the blessings of being a Bulldog.

We thank you for fall afternoons between the hedges, we thank you that we are blessed to hear the Redcoats playing “Glory, Glory,” and we give thanks for  the chills we get when the trumpet tones the battle hymn.  We give thanks for the smell of ribs cooking on the grills of campus tailgates and we gave thanks for the chapel bell ringing after a victory, and are grateful  for the sheer joy of wearing red and black.

We thank you for those moments that we treasure,  Tarkenton to Herron, the flea-flicker versus Bama, Appleby to Washington, that kid outa Johnson County running through two men, run Lindsey run, sugar falling from the sky, Butler kicking it a million miles, hobnailed boots  that still hurt in Knoxville and Johnson in the end zone.

Tonight we thank you for Aaron Murray, a fine young man who did not charge  us $180,000 to play quarterback.

Tonight we thank you that Mrs. Gathers and Mrs. Jenkins allowed their sons to discover biscuits and pound cake at an early age so that we might have a nose guard for the 3-4 defense.

Tonight we thank you Lord for the potato industry in Idaho so that the boys from Boise will have something to do after they learn they know nothing about football.

Tonight we thank you for the new Nike uniforms.  We may not like them but we know they look better than a Gator in a tank top and jean shorts.

Tonight we thank you that as we gathered here that we have been blessed, we have been blessed to live in land that stands for freedom, for those who have given of themselves to defend our freedom.   We thank you for the blessings of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and we pray for your blessings to continue on we who are gathered here this evening that may truly understand that it is great to be a Georgia Bulldog.

John Brown

Monticello, Georgia

Go Dawgs!!!

You’ve got to admit, there is nothing close to this being said at any damned Boise State Touchdown Club meeting.

2 Days my friends, 2 days…GO DAWGS!

-Inspector G

Recruiting News, Playa Haters, and Mom’s Sweet Tea

As I promised:

On the recruiting trail is our fearless leader, Mark Richt.  And for a 6-7 team, he is killing it.  I’m not sure what we’re telling these kids or what the ‘Friends of the Program’ are giving them*, but it’s working.

Unless you were on Mars this past week, you should have heard the news the UGA picked up Jay Rome, Malcom Mitchell, and now just picked up Xavier Ward.

Quick Hitter Stats:

  • Jay Rome / 4 Star  /  Most sites have him rated no 1-3 TE in the Nation
  • Malcom Mitchell  / 4 Star  / Top Athlete in the state, but is projected as a 6-1 corner, great speed and will play some offense/specialist
  • Xavier Ward  / 3 Star  / One of the, if not THE, top tackle prospect in the State.  a 6-7 monster

Why are these important, besides their actual contributions to the team?  Well in the Inspector’s humble opinion, it gives me more of a bearing as to where the non-biased UGA fan stands and how the true moniker on Richt right now is not actually “what a failure, get his ass outta here” but closer to ” well, no one is happy, but he is making the correct decisions off the field to not only win, but win Championships”.  As an unapologetic UGA homer, I am in the second group of thinking and I like where he and Mcgarity have their mind sets.

Going forward, our biggest keys to recruiting this season lie with 3 players: Isaiah Crowell, Ray Drew, and ‘Big’ John Jenkins.  While Isaiah Crowell tends to be what most recruiting ‘beatniks’ who put way too much into 17 years old’s statements consider our biggest need, but I digress.  Although he will certainly change our running game for the better, it is in fact John Jenkins who will make the most immediate impact and to whom our hopes should rest.  If you live under a rock: John Jenkins is a MONSTER JUCO nose tackle who de-committed to Okie State and now we’re in the lead for his services.  I can hear it now, “Wow, he’s just a JUCO player, Ima hate him, he won’t be here long.” Oh ok…SEE: Nick ‘Dirty VD Bastard’ Fairley.  It was he, and not sCam ‘Now I can LEGALLY buy a laptop’ Newton who really won that MNC.  Jenkins impact would be immediate, substantial, and hopefully pay the ‘Fairley-ish’ dividends.

Ray Drew is a DE/OLB that is like Justin Houstin, but a little bigger.  Some rate 4 star, some 5, but he is a big deal, too.

Now while Isaiah Crowell (5 star RB) would be awesome and I would love to have him, he would be my close no 2 if I were the coaches.

Although, I may be wrong:

What do you think?

-Inspector G

GATA BLISS…GO GATA…

If you have never seen or heard this and always wonder why I refer to Urban Meyer as “Corch Meyers” or Percy Harvin as “Percy Harvey”, then now you will know…

Told you we were pulling out all of the stops.  I like to sit back with about 4 fingers of Knobb Creek and just listen to this rumbling yet entertaining diatribe.  For our reader’s convenience, I have placed one without subtitles and one with.  If you have never sen this, watch the non subtitle one first (the one on top…easy Burrow):

I don’t know what’s worse: her being that stupid or her being that stupid on our taxpayer dime.  Jacksonville, you should be embarrassed for yourself.  How can you elect this woman?  Her and Hank Johnson should go off to Guam and maybe it will capsize.

Enjoy

-Inspector G

The Zooker Was a Nice Guy…

Let’s look at some numbers and seech:

From Boys of Old Florida Blog:

Coaching staff 2006 Florida Gators

• Urban Meyer – Head Coach
• Steve Addazio – Tackles/Tight Ends
• Stan Drayton – Running Backs
• Billy Gonzales – Wide Receivers
• Chuck Heater – Recruiting Coordinator/Cornerbacks
• John Hevesy – Centers/Guards
• John “Doc” Holliday – Associate Head Coach/Safeties
• Greg Mattison – Co-Defensive Coordinator/Defensive Line
• Dan Mullen – Offensive Coordinator/Quarterbacks
• Charlie Strong – Assistant Head Coach/Co-Defensive Coordinator/Linebackers

Three of those men are now head coaches in their own right, with Strong at Louisville, Mullen at Mississippi State and Holliday at Marshall. Gonzales is at LSU, and Mattison with the Baltimore Ravens. Hevesy went with Mullen to MSU.

That leaves Addazio, Drayton and Heater from a staff that won the BCS title only a couple of years ago. Only 3 of the 9 assistants remain.

The coaching core of the Florida 2006 and 2008 BCS Champions weren’t constructed by Meyer when he came to Florida in 2005 – it was formed at Bowling Green in 2001. Mullen, Gonzalez and Hevesy all followed Meyer from Bowling Green to Utah, and then to Florida. Meyer and Mullen were together even before that at Notre Dame, with Meyer as the special teams coach and Mullen a graduate assistant. The two traveled the country learning the foundations of what would become the spread option from names like Scott Linehan and Joe Tiller. Then at Bowling Green, and later Utah, the two perfected what would later be so successful at Florida.

In other words, its as much Mullen’s offense as Meyer’s and perhaps, because Mullen did the play calling, even more so.

Further, don’t underestimate the loss of Charlie Strong. The Gators won the BCS titles in 2006 and 2008 as much on defense as offense.

All that coaching talent – gone. What remains is Meyer and the coaches that, for whatever reason, haven’t been seen fit to be hired away by other programs. The coaching heart (Strong) and soul (Mullen) of the championship teams are gone.

It happens everywhere, whether at FSU in the ‘90s or USC in the early part of the century. The best assistants leave, leaving the rest. Programs decline.

So what I’d like to see this weekend is some sign IT isn’t over. That doesn’t necessarily mean a win, it means the ability to fight when you are down. It means that spark, that passion that seems to be missing. It wasn’t too long ago opposing fans were taunting us when Meyer cried after a loss. Well, Urban “Crier” has a couple of little crystal trophies that your less emotional coaches don’t.

I want that guy back.

Because if it’s over, let’s get on with what’s next.”

Yeah, and D coordinators don’t make a difference?  Which brings me to our guy, Grantham.  Who week 2 of being here said this, “If you want to kick Florida’s ass, you better start working now!”.  Do you think he takes this seriously?

Back and forth I have tried to think about how far us and UF have fallen.  We have done a gradual tail off since 2007, fired a bunch of D coaches and some O realignments are almost surely to come this year.   UF has lost almost all every damn on of their top assistants to head coaching.  Not only that, look at how well they are doing.  If we win this weekend, I finally think we all can say that winning a MNC is not about having Tebow and Percy Harvey, but also about having an assload of talent in the press box, too.

-Thanks BG

Look for Meyers, unlike Richt, to cowardly blame everything except his coaching style and bolt for retirement or the NFL next year.  Good riddance.

-Inspector G

IT’S FLORIDA WEEK!!!!!!!

This is the biggest game of the year and honestly, it really wasn’t 2 weeks ago.  That’s why we here at HTT are pulling out all the stops and posting not only informative and insightful material, but material that will hopefully make you make fun of, guffaw at, and hate hate hate on all things gator.

First things first;  for yet another year, I cannot attend the game.  I have to work this weekend. Foxtrot Mike Lima.

Next, I will warn all of you ladies and/or female significant others out there to stay away from this guy:

"Jeanus Shortus Douchebagus" AKA: Avg UF Fan

Jeanus Shortus Douchebagus is found in and around trailer parks, central florida dive bars, and anywhere Pall Malls are sold.  These  idiots crazy assholes run around, all nimbly bimbly like, meth’d out and want to talk about anything UF football, which normally revolves around how good Tebow is, why screwing Tebow is not gay, and why Tebow should start every NFL game.

Also these idiots crazy assholes like UGA girls.  Normally a pick up line would start like this: “Hey baby, you ever flossed with 100% pure cotton before?  No? Would you like a shot of Patron with crusties in it and a cigarette?  No?  Aw hell, I’m just kidding.”  But they are not.  They are 11ty Billion% serious.

These folks are to be the on receiving end of relentless, tenacious, and voracious attacks on their personal, physical, and emotional health.  No holds barred. No family member stricken with cancer on her death or a slow opaquely simpleton child should be spared.  Use all you can, crush them mercilessly and when you’re done and they are crying pour salt, gasoline, Turbo AIDS, dicks, and a flame thrower in their wounds.  Basically defecate in and or around their souls, their very essence.

In the spirit of this week and Hallows Eve, here is a lovely picture captured by a true Dawg fan who gets the point.  This fine gentleman actually dressed up as a Gator fan for Halloween and lo and behold, he got a plethora of these: “What are you supposed to be?  A Florida fan?”  Ah, the irony is palpable.

"Just call me Randy"

Moving right along, I really like our chances in this one.  I think we might have finally hit rock bottom enough to not care about the ‘Jax Jinx’ bullcrap.  It’s about time we just forget about all of that mojo and quit pissing ourselves when we cross the state line.  Mark my words: Attitude will be the difference in this game, not talent.

More to come later.  Register for our feed so you automatically get the updates.  As one loyal and valued reader told me recently, “[Inspector G], I wasted like a whole Friday at work reading your site.  It was the most productive thing I’d done all week.”  Now THAT’s what I’m talking about.  Invite your UGA savvy and UF friends, too.  Tell them about us! Invite them to visit HTT, register, and subscribe.

In all seriousness Captain and I want to thank all of you: friends, readers, subscribers, our two new Post Ready Members (who have yet to post anything, so get with it…)…I know some of you might deem this a little too ‘racy’ or ‘profanity laced’, but if you do, you obviously don’t know us very well or our friends.  But again, THANK YOU!

More to come this week…wow, EPICNESS…stay tuned…

-Inspector G

Afterburner, Kentucky Edition

First things first, let me start by saying that the game was not even close and the score doesn’t reflect the complete and utter demolition of Kentucky on both sides of the ball. Now, those two late TD’s that UK got were absolute garbage and still shows me that our defense is still not there yet…but, they are still BETTER.

From the opening kickoff, to the 3 Justin Houston sacks, to Ealey’s 5 (COUNT THEM 5!) TD’s the Dawgs showed why the Ol’ Ball Coach says we’re playing the best ball in the conference right now. I hate that man, but I listen when he speaks.

Here we go, Helmet Bones and Grades:

Offense: Kept it out of reach from the start, we ran the ball well, DOMINATED the line of scrimmage (finally) and Murray plays another solid game with no INTs. On those goal line plays, we literally were blocking their DL’s out of the endzone. I would like to see the tight ends get involved more, but I can’t complain to much with any victory we get, but to continue to get them, the tight ends are too good to just let them block.

Grade A

Helmet Bone goes to Washaun Ealey. Again, 5 TD’s no fumbles, no further explanation necessary.

Defense: Had we not let up and allowed the Cats to score those last two garbage TD’s I would have given a higher grade, but then on the other hand Justin Houston was raping errrbody named Hartline, so it was a tough call. We are almost there now and I can at least say that we are much improved than a year ago and Alec Ogletree will be an absolute man-child in the near future.

Grade B+

Helmet Bone goes to Justin “Raping Errbody named Hartline” Houston. 3 sacks, 3 tackles for loss, absolutely a game changer.

Special Teams: Blair Walsh must have had a stomach flu, or found out he got hepatitis because nothing else explains him missing that field goal and PAT…hopefully whatever it is he can meditate enough to cure it. He lost the Groza last night.

But that was the only thing not ‘special’ about our special teams. As they kicked off to Boykin, I looked over at my father and said “Yeah, kick it to Boykin, he’s due” 8 seconds later he was in the endzone and I looked like Edgar Casey (famed psychic). Drew Butler punished the football like it was his bitch and kickoff coverage continues to be stellar.

Grade A

Helmet Bone goes to Brandon Boykin, and he is arguably the greatest kickoff returner in SEC history.

Coaching: As much as I’m sure some of you hate for me to say this, I’m still going to do it: We have a great coaching staff. Sure, Bobo looks hapless sometimes, but he didn’t have to do much last night because we were running the ball so well. Grantham finally has his defense clicking and it shows. Richt looks more fired up, more passionate, and under control.

Grade B+ because we still took one half of a year to get our shit together.

Helmet Bone goes to Warren Belin. He has his LB’s on a great track for success, is a smart coach, and is the reason why are special teams have improved so much on kick coverage.

So there you go. Sorry about the lack of posts this week, Captain and I are very busy this time of year and when you’re in the male escort business, you got to take it when and how you can.

Later in the week I will bombard you with info, quips, a funny video, and some more thoughts to ponder….IT’S FLORIDA WEEK!!!

– Inspector G