Trailer Park Gangsta

Faurot Field and Mizzou Review

1656 total miles driven through some of the prettiest country I’ve ever seen, but also I will never be driving there again because by the end of the trip, I was so tired of being in the car that I could scream.  I literally did a few times.

I can’t really tell you how proud I was of our team as I was leaving the stadium.  I know that we pissed the bed the first 2 quarters, but coming back like we did, how we did, and dominating all 3 aspects of the game (minus that one broken coverage breakdown) was glimpse into the world that could be the rest of the season.  I also landed several up close and personal seconds on ESPN during the broadcast.  Can’t lie, that was pretty great.

71,000 my ass…

The Review:

Traffic/Traffic Control:  A

Not much traffic to speak of.  The city is of decent size but even leaving the stadium was easy and without major delays.

Parking: A+

We were able to park on the first row of a deck less than a half mile from the stadium and a couple of blocks from downtown for 20.00.  Reasonable and close.  Loved it.

Tailgating: D

All I heard when we got there was how Gameday ready the fans would be.  How awesome and hard they tailgate, how technologically sound they all were.  Well news flash Mizzou fans, the only people that were up and tailgating the way it was supposed to be done at 8:30 AM were Dawgs fans. When you finally got up at noon and made an appearance, the Dawg nation had dominated most of your ‘prime tailgating spots’.  There is no wifi anywhere, no PA systems set up anywhere, the only TV set ups were Dawg fans and your best attempt at emulating us was some sort of parking lot that featured a spectacle of flailing arm flailing inflatable blow up tube guys.

These people are in for a culture shock when they get on a REAL SEC campus.

Talent: C+

It looks like the tree doesn’t have many branches and the apples don’t fall far from the tree.  Just like the UGA bloodline, these people are in desperate need of some new blood to round out their looks.  There were some pretty girls, but I dare say they were as hot as they looked because their overall appeal was inflated based on the status quo bridge trolls that were running around.

Maybe instead of wearing t-shirts as dresses and shitty jeans and flip flops and actually take notes of the REAL SEC coeds, they may have a chance to go to a B.

Downtown Area: B

Their fan base is proud of their town.  And I’m proud of mine, too.  But all I heard was how Columbia was just like Athens, only smaller and how ‘at-home’ I would feel.  One word for that noise: bullshit.  In no way, shape, form, smell, taste, sight, touch, feel, and atmosphere does there downtown area like Athens save narrow streets with trees surrounding them,

Distance to Stadium (from tailgate): A

We wound up at the furthest parking lot away from the stadium, but there was a shuttle.

Fans: A

The most kindhearted and genuine people (as a fan base) you’ll ever meet behind Ole Miss.  Warm, talkative, and welcoming: these people are the epitome of Southern Hospitality and Class.  I even received a gift of orange bitters from a very nice gentleman in Jefferson City.  Georgia fans take note.

However, I recommend that the younger generation of Mizzou fans step up their game.  They were all wearing stupid skinny jeans, hooped stretched ear-lobe bullshit and smoking pot out of a one hitter in public.  I’ve never seen so many college age people vomit at will and witness a very classy (and hot) coed walk up within 30 yards of me, go behind a tree (or so she thought) drop her jeans and take a steaming piss. Then stood up, bare ass for all to see, and cleaned up.  It was kinda gross yet kinda hot.  But it definitely wasn’t classy especially since a no-line pod of porta-pottys was in clear view from ground zero.

Stadium Crowd Control/Entrance: A

Easy as it gets.  Period.

Stadium Atmosphere: B++

No way that stadium holds 71,000 people.  I’m not buying it.  It was loud though, very loud.  And I was on the front row along with about 15 other Dawg fans in a sea of yellow.  Loved it.  Stadium was hyped up all game until it was decided.

Concessions: C

Eh…just so so.

Bathrooms: A

Nothing but old style urine troughs.  LOVED IT.  Easiest in and out job I’ve performed in while.

Stadium Music: C-

The same old same old.

Field Appearance/Play: A

I hate field turf, but the field played relatively fast and it had pretty colors. 😉

Traffic control on exiting: A

Super easy.  I was super happy.

OVERALL: A

This was probably the most fun that I have had on a road trip in some time.  The fans were so welcoming and so much fun to be around.  I really enjoyed the beautiful town and campus and atmosphere.  The game was nerve racking but ultimately loads of fun.  I will be going back.

Thanks for the good time Columbia and The University of Missouri.

-Inspector G

Todd Gurley: Progression In Ya Head

This is what happened:

This is what he be thinking while he were doin’ it:

Step 1: Run the hell over fat offensive lineman

Step 2: Make that cut to my left

Step 3: Straight thug nasty stif arm that bitch to the turf

Step 4: Turn tha corner

Step 5: Throwin’  em offa me

Step 6: Run them shits

Step 7: Celebrate with my boys

Step 8: Snow Bunnies! (This step was not featured in the clip, but we can assure you there are some VERY disappointed Daddy’s out there)

Why not, am I right?

 

This is how we do it.

-Inspector G

The Difference a Season Makes

Stickin' To The Nerds, 10 outta 11!

I really am savoring this victory over Tech.  For one, it just felt good to beat them, but honestly I am just awe struck by how hard this team has worked to stay together despite the “Richt on the hot seat’ meme and those 2 devastating losses.

I’ll have some more in depth stuff for tomorrow….but for now these quick hitters will have to do:

– Murray is much more in sync with his footwork when he trusts his OL.

-Chris Conley is turning into one helluva receiver

-I have changed my vote for the biggest offseason acquisition from Crowell to Big John Jenkins.

-Garrison Smith really did a nice job in place of Deangelo Tyson.  After it gashed us a couple of times, he completely blew up those slant hand-offs.

-Todd Grantham for President

-Dick move by Johnson not letting the clock just run given 12 seconds left, but Paul Johnson is a dick.

-Speaking of dick moves, Johnson’s time-out ‘ice’ for that field goal sure did backfire didn’t it?

-Blair Walsh, I’m sorry buddy.  I still love you.

-Jarvis Jones got another sack.

-Murray still needs another year  to pick up the accuracy before I put him in the ‘lethal’ status.

-Orson Charles, best tight end in the Nation?  Anybody?

-If Aron White dropped that TD pass he should have kept right on running right out of the stadium.

-Is it just me (besides that one pass today) or is Sanders Commings our lock-down CB?

-Tech fans are butt hurt lillies when they lose.  The excuses on the blogosphere are deep, plentiful, and as usual lacking in the rational department

-Alec Ogletree looks like the defensive Megatron

I said it’s Great to Be A Georgia Bulldawg!

-Inspector G

I Love the Interwebs…

About 4 Years ago, Captain introduced me to the Georgia Sports Blog.  At the time, Paul Westerdawg and Company provided the wittiest and honest UGA sports blogging around.  I mean these guys were on point.  But, just like us here at Hailtothee, they have real lives (and apparently REAL wives, too) and their frequency of posts and content slipped.  But, it lookes like they’re back in action with this latest one.

Sit back and relax: THIS is pure gold!

-Inspector G

The Zooker Was a Nice Guy…

Let’s look at some numbers and seech:

From Boys of Old Florida Blog:

Coaching staff 2006 Florida Gators

• Urban Meyer – Head Coach
• Steve Addazio – Tackles/Tight Ends
• Stan Drayton – Running Backs
• Billy Gonzales – Wide Receivers
• Chuck Heater – Recruiting Coordinator/Cornerbacks
• John Hevesy – Centers/Guards
• John “Doc” Holliday – Associate Head Coach/Safeties
• Greg Mattison – Co-Defensive Coordinator/Defensive Line
• Dan Mullen – Offensive Coordinator/Quarterbacks
• Charlie Strong – Assistant Head Coach/Co-Defensive Coordinator/Linebackers

Three of those men are now head coaches in their own right, with Strong at Louisville, Mullen at Mississippi State and Holliday at Marshall. Gonzales is at LSU, and Mattison with the Baltimore Ravens. Hevesy went with Mullen to MSU.

That leaves Addazio, Drayton and Heater from a staff that won the BCS title only a couple of years ago. Only 3 of the 9 assistants remain.

The coaching core of the Florida 2006 and 2008 BCS Champions weren’t constructed by Meyer when he came to Florida in 2005 – it was formed at Bowling Green in 2001. Mullen, Gonzalez and Hevesy all followed Meyer from Bowling Green to Utah, and then to Florida. Meyer and Mullen were together even before that at Notre Dame, with Meyer as the special teams coach and Mullen a graduate assistant. The two traveled the country learning the foundations of what would become the spread option from names like Scott Linehan and Joe Tiller. Then at Bowling Green, and later Utah, the two perfected what would later be so successful at Florida.

In other words, its as much Mullen’s offense as Meyer’s and perhaps, because Mullen did the play calling, even more so.

Further, don’t underestimate the loss of Charlie Strong. The Gators won the BCS titles in 2006 and 2008 as much on defense as offense.

All that coaching talent – gone. What remains is Meyer and the coaches that, for whatever reason, haven’t been seen fit to be hired away by other programs. The coaching heart (Strong) and soul (Mullen) of the championship teams are gone.

It happens everywhere, whether at FSU in the ‘90s or USC in the early part of the century. The best assistants leave, leaving the rest. Programs decline.

So what I’d like to see this weekend is some sign IT isn’t over. That doesn’t necessarily mean a win, it means the ability to fight when you are down. It means that spark, that passion that seems to be missing. It wasn’t too long ago opposing fans were taunting us when Meyer cried after a loss. Well, Urban “Crier” has a couple of little crystal trophies that your less emotional coaches don’t.

I want that guy back.

Because if it’s over, let’s get on with what’s next.”

Yeah, and D coordinators don’t make a difference?  Which brings me to our guy, Grantham.  Who week 2 of being here said this, “If you want to kick Florida’s ass, you better start working now!”.  Do you think he takes this seriously?

Back and forth I have tried to think about how far us and UF have fallen.  We have done a gradual tail off since 2007, fired a bunch of D coaches and some O realignments are almost surely to come this year.   UF has lost almost all every damn on of their top assistants to head coaching.  Not only that, look at how well they are doing.  If we win this weekend, I finally think we all can say that winning a MNC is not about having Tebow and Percy Harvey, but also about having an assload of talent in the press box, too.

-Thanks BG

Look for Meyers, unlike Richt, to cowardly blame everything except his coaching style and bolt for retirement or the NFL next year.  Good riddance.

-Inspector G

IT’S FLORIDA WEEK!!!!!!!

This is the biggest game of the year and honestly, it really wasn’t 2 weeks ago.  That’s why we here at HTT are pulling out all the stops and posting not only informative and insightful material, but material that will hopefully make you make fun of, guffaw at, and hate hate hate on all things gator.

First things first;  for yet another year, I cannot attend the game.  I have to work this weekend. Foxtrot Mike Lima.

Next, I will warn all of you ladies and/or female significant others out there to stay away from this guy:

"Jeanus Shortus Douchebagus" AKA: Avg UF Fan

Jeanus Shortus Douchebagus is found in and around trailer parks, central florida dive bars, and anywhere Pall Malls are sold.  These  idiots crazy assholes run around, all nimbly bimbly like, meth’d out and want to talk about anything UF football, which normally revolves around how good Tebow is, why screwing Tebow is not gay, and why Tebow should start every NFL game.

Also these idiots crazy assholes like UGA girls.  Normally a pick up line would start like this: “Hey baby, you ever flossed with 100% pure cotton before?  No? Would you like a shot of Patron with crusties in it and a cigarette?  No?  Aw hell, I’m just kidding.”  But they are not.  They are 11ty Billion% serious.

These folks are to be the on receiving end of relentless, tenacious, and voracious attacks on their personal, physical, and emotional health.  No holds barred. No family member stricken with cancer on her death or a slow opaquely simpleton child should be spared.  Use all you can, crush them mercilessly and when you’re done and they are crying pour salt, gasoline, Turbo AIDS, dicks, and a flame thrower in their wounds.  Basically defecate in and or around their souls, their very essence.

In the spirit of this week and Hallows Eve, here is a lovely picture captured by a true Dawg fan who gets the point.  This fine gentleman actually dressed up as a Gator fan for Halloween and lo and behold, he got a plethora of these: “What are you supposed to be?  A Florida fan?”  Ah, the irony is palpable.

"Just call me Randy"

Moving right along, I really like our chances in this one.  I think we might have finally hit rock bottom enough to not care about the ‘Jax Jinx’ bullcrap.  It’s about time we just forget about all of that mojo and quit pissing ourselves when we cross the state line.  Mark my words: Attitude will be the difference in this game, not talent.

More to come later.  Register for our feed so you automatically get the updates.  As one loyal and valued reader told me recently, “[Inspector G], I wasted like a whole Friday at work reading your site.  It was the most productive thing I’d done all week.”  Now THAT’s what I’m talking about.  Invite your UGA savvy and UF friends, too.  Tell them about us! Invite them to visit HTT, register, and subscribe.

In all seriousness Captain and I want to thank all of you: friends, readers, subscribers, our two new Post Ready Members (who have yet to post anything, so get with it…)…I know some of you might deem this a little too ‘racy’ or ‘profanity laced’, but if you do, you obviously don’t know us very well or our friends.  But again, THANK YOU!

More to come this week…wow, EPICNESS…stay tuned…

-Inspector G

Bobby Petrino Is A Piece of Horse Excriment

I knew this was the case when he literally, not proverbially mind you, f-d the Falcon players, fellow coaches, and management when he ‘midnight falconed’ his way to Fayetteville.


I just didn’t know it was this bad:  (From Get the Picture and the Senator who got it from Cincinnati.com) The quote is from Mike Zimmer, the former DC that Petrino had with the Falcons:

… Pretty good stuff, but it gets even better in his appraisal of Petrino:  “He is a coward. Put that in quotes. He ruined a bunch of people’s lives, a bunch of people’s families, kids, because he didn’t have enough nuts to stay there and finish the job. That’s the truth.”

When asked if he had seen a two days like that before, where the Falcons lost on Monday Night Football, a coach resigns and then is doing “Woo Pig Sooey” 24 hours later in front of Arkansas boosters, Zimmer said: “No, most people in football have enough courage about them and enough fight to stick through something and not quit halfway through the year. It is cowardly.

“He came in and said he resigned, he would talk to us all at a later date, walked out of the office and no one has ever talked to him since. Not that anybody wanted to.

“He’s a gutless b—–d. Quote that. I don’t give a s—.”

When told that we might might not be able to use the B word, Zimmer went one better: “How about this, gutless MF. You can use that.”

Piece of shit, told you.

-Inspector G

Inspector’s Go-Go Fantasy Football C-C-C-Combo Breaker…Week 6

By now you know: Brett “Fantastic Phallice” Farve texts his dick to women….hell, who doesn’t?

Welcome to Week 6:

You know who to start, so I’m not going to go over anything you wouldn’t do…just more in depth.

QB’s With Weak Knees:     “Halt, who goes there?, Why, it doth be Aaron Rodgers.” Take caution, I say.  I have to make this decision myself, so (believe it or not) I picked up Joe Flacco.  I know, I know.  I have threw him under the bus so much, but he is projected high, plays a weak secondary and he is due.  If not Flacco, then choose Matt Cassel.  He is also due and plays a weak secondary.

Drew Brees, he’ll be fine, start him.

Big Ben…welcome back from “raping wet slits” from mine and Captain’s Alma Mater.  Did she taste like Vegas but sweeter?…Start him.

Ride the Pine: D. Mcnabb, Kevin Kolb, Shaun Hill.  If you have to ask, you don’t wanna know.

RB’s To Please: Jamal Charles, oh man, I am so glad I picked him up.  He is the Chiefs best weapon and against a run susceptible defense, he might have a field day.

Michael Bush, I picked him up, destroyed my opponent.  Even if Mcfadden plays, it will not be much.  Look for Bush BIG.

Ryan Torain: If you were a Pierre Thomas or Thomas Jones or Clinton Protis Owner and did not pick him up, you dumb.  He may not be great, but he will be better in RB 2 then someone named above or Ryan Matthews or Shonn Greene.  Start him.

Ride the Pine: J. Best (no Calvin, or presumably no Calvin, monitor this one), Anyone as a Saints RB not named Bush or Thomas, Ronnie Brown…really?

WR’s to Card:  Brandon Lloyd, I am starting him.  I have regretted it for 2 weeks in a row and now let’s see if I regret it this week.  At least it will definitively show if he is for real or not. Jacoby Jones, let’s see if the waiver wires were correct. Mark Thomas (Jax)…who?  The Jax best and most targeted receiver.

Maybe’s: Deion Branch…its a gut feeling, but you have to feel it, i don’t.

TE Streaks:   Only this: PICK UP A HERNANDEZ…Moss grows fast on a rolling stone, but he is not in NE no more.  Especially if you lost J. Finley.

Week 6 is tough, it is gut check time.  Start your starters, research the rest, take a gamble.

-Inspector G