pistol whippin’ ghetto cheerleaders

IT’S FLORIDA WEEK!!!!!!!

This is the biggest game of the year and honestly, it really wasn’t 2 weeks ago.  That’s why we here at HTT are pulling out all the stops and posting not only informative and insightful material, but material that will hopefully make you make fun of, guffaw at, and hate hate hate on all things gator.

First things first;  for yet another year, I cannot attend the game.  I have to work this weekend. Foxtrot Mike Lima.

Next, I will warn all of you ladies and/or female significant others out there to stay away from this guy:

"Jeanus Shortus Douchebagus" AKA: Avg UF Fan

Jeanus Shortus Douchebagus is found in and around trailer parks, central florida dive bars, and anywhere Pall Malls are sold.  These  idiots crazy assholes run around, all nimbly bimbly like, meth’d out and want to talk about anything UF football, which normally revolves around how good Tebow is, why screwing Tebow is not gay, and why Tebow should start every NFL game.

Also these idiots crazy assholes like UGA girls.  Normally a pick up line would start like this: “Hey baby, you ever flossed with 100% pure cotton before?  No? Would you like a shot of Patron with crusties in it and a cigarette?  No?  Aw hell, I’m just kidding.”  But they are not.  They are 11ty Billion% serious.

These folks are to be the on receiving end of relentless, tenacious, and voracious attacks on their personal, physical, and emotional health.  No holds barred. No family member stricken with cancer on her death or a slow opaquely simpleton child should be spared.  Use all you can, crush them mercilessly and when you’re done and they are crying pour salt, gasoline, Turbo AIDS, dicks, and a flame thrower in their wounds.  Basically defecate in and or around their souls, their very essence.

In the spirit of this week and Hallows Eve, here is a lovely picture captured by a true Dawg fan who gets the point.  This fine gentleman actually dressed up as a Gator fan for Halloween and lo and behold, he got a plethora of these: “What are you supposed to be?  A Florida fan?”  Ah, the irony is palpable.

"Just call me Randy"

Moving right along, I really like our chances in this one.  I think we might have finally hit rock bottom enough to not care about the ‘Jax Jinx’ bullcrap.  It’s about time we just forget about all of that mojo and quit pissing ourselves when we cross the state line.  Mark my words: Attitude will be the difference in this game, not talent.

More to come later.  Register for our feed so you automatically get the updates.  As one loyal and valued reader told me recently, “[Inspector G], I wasted like a whole Friday at work reading your site.  It was the most productive thing I’d done all week.”  Now THAT’s what I’m talking about.  Invite your UGA savvy and UF friends, too.  Tell them about us! Invite them to visit HTT, register, and subscribe.

In all seriousness Captain and I want to thank all of you: friends, readers, subscribers, our two new Post Ready Members (who have yet to post anything, so get with it…)…I know some of you might deem this a little too ‘racy’ or ‘profanity laced’, but if you do, you obviously don’t know us very well or our friends.  But again, THANK YOU!

More to come this week…wow, EPICNESS…stay tuned…

-Inspector G

Thursday Dawg Bits

Georgia adds Charleston Southern and Georgia Southern to the 2014 and 2016 football schedules, respectively. Greg McGarity wants one FCS foe each season.

Bobby Bowden speaks at the Touchdown Club of Georgia on Tuesday and advises CMR to “stay the course”.

“I’ve been through the same thing, and if you stay in the game long enough you are going to go through it one time or the other,” Bowden said. “And of course it really tests ya, it really tests ya. But it’s the nature of the game. The game is that way — if you win they love you, if you don’t win they don’t love you. It’s as simple as that. Your loyal people will stay behind you, but the everyday fan … they want to win. That’s the way it happened down here [at Florida State]. I wasn’t winning enough games to suit these people, you know? But anyway, Mark’s a little different situation because he is younger and he’s been so successful there.”

During that same meeting, Richt warns players that “it could get worse”.

“We’re going to have to get better or it’s gonna get worse. It’s not going to stay the same. I told the players, you think it’s bad now; it could get worse.”

But no matter what, Richt said, “we’re not gonna lose our poise, we’re not gonna lose our integrity. We don’t want to take our frustrations out on anyone, except maybe Colorado. … We just have to keep working hard and keep together. We must stay together.”

Not related to Georgia football, but awesome nonetheless… Jax Jaguars WR Kassim Osgood gets pistol-whipped during a gun fight between a cheerleader and her intruding/stalking ex-boyfriend. My favorite part quoted below:

Osgood, 30, reportedly leaped out a second-floor window to get away from the armed man late Monday.

The gun-wielding intruder exchanged fire with the woman after putting a gun to her head, saying, “What did that football player say to his girlfriend, it’s a good day to die,” misquoting ex-Florida Gators player Chris Rainey’s text message to a former girlfriend after an arrest, according to a Sheriff’s Office report.