Macho Man Randy Savage

Celebrity Power Rankings: SEC Edition

Today, HailToThee brings to you the Celebrity Power Rankings courtesy of none other than the Macho Man Randy Savage! This time around he’ll be focusing on just the SEC… which is apparently all that matters, am I right? YAH YAH YAH

Well the SEC’s regular season is all wrapped up and OOH YEAH has it been a WILD RIDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEE. LSU has already been crowned the national champion, the Muschamp BOOM MF’er and Dooley eras have proved to be quite fruitful and DOMINANT, and Houston Nutt has died inside RIP BROTHER.

Lemme tell ya somethin’ MEAN GENE you may have heard me call into the Georgia Bulldogs post-game call in show from my heavenly cloud floating over that CESS POOL known as Bobby Dodd Stadium but now I’m here to give you the rundown on my SEC POWER RANKINGS OOOOOH YEAH SO MUCH POWER DIG IT BROTHER.

1. LSU (12-0, 8-0)
Nowhere to go but DOWN BROTHER and there’s a fightin’ chance in them BULLDOGS out of Georgia BROTHER. If LSU ends up 14-0 it will go down as one of the most impressive seasons in college football history. So far they’ve been like me, the MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE, in a world of Doink the Clowns.

2. GEORGIA (10-2, 7-1)
The two division winners deserve to be at the top here brother. Coach Richt has done a hell of a job getting the Dawgs back to the title game brother. Also I’d like to give a big F-U to Corso and Herbstreit who predicted a loss to the nerds in Atlanta. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN’ BROTHERS YOU GOT SOME BAD DAYS A-COMIN BROTHER.

3. ALABAMA (11-1, 7-1)
The Tide, brother, has had perhaps the safest route ever to back door into the national championship game, brother. Right now Coach Saban is icing up the champagne with his little manlet hands, brother.

4. ARKANSAS (10-2, 6-2)
Not of a fan of that PENCIL NECK PIPSQUEAK coach of theirs but you gotta give the Hogs credit brother for a fine season. Much like Georgia, they lost both games against the two best teams on their schedule, but in blowout fashion, brother. They remind me of one Mr. Perfect who was occasionally a tough opponent but didn’t make much noise in the big picture, brother.

5. SOUTH CAROLINA (10-2, 6-2)
Will this be the end of the road for OLD MAN SPURRIER so he can finally play at Augusta National on a daily basis? Not sure, brother, but he did a damn fine job preventing the Gamecocks from spiraling out of control like they normally do to end the season. ILLINOIS IS THE NEW SOUTH CAROLINA BROTHER.

6. AUBURN (7-5, 4-4)
The Auburn Tigers have done a 180-degree turn from last year’s magical season, brother.

7. FLORIDA (6-6, 3-5)
Hey you turkeyneck Charlie Weis, maybe resurrecting offenses is NOT YOUR CUP OF COFFEE BROTHER. YEAH WOW FREAKOUT.

When your best win is against an 8-4 WAC squad you’re not doin’ it big, brother. CAN YA DIG IT?

9. VANDERBILT (6-6, 2-6)
The Commodores had some feistyness in them this year brother and so did their leader James Franklin but Mr. Franklin’s back-pedaling and passive-aggressive antics are NOTHING compared to the kind of physical hurting I put on The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase back at Wrestlemania IV, brother.

10. KENTUCKY (5-7, 2-6)
It looks like Kentucky is back to its old ways of wetting the bed, brother. Rebuilding the offense on this team is surely going to be a BIG TEST FROM THAT MACHO MAN UP IN THE SKY.

11. TENNESSEE (5-7, 1-7)
Back to back losing seasons for the Vols for the first time since 1911. Tennessee you are like a grain of sand in the Sahara Desert and I AM THE ENTIRE DESERT, BROTHER.

12. OLE MISS (2-10, 0-8)

MACHO MADNESS is on a roll brother and it can't be stopped, Mean Gene.