Free laptops?

What’s up with the recent string of college football players stealing laptops? Michigan State TE Dion Sims is the latest guy caught up in this hip, new craze taking college campuses by storm. Sims has been implicated in a theft ring that has allegedly stolen over 100 laptops from the Detroit public school system then selling them online. Sims joins the portable PC snatching club with other notables Jeremiah Masoli and Cam Newton.

Detroit? Seriously? Below is a photo of what we believe is commonly being used in 2010 in Detroit’s public school system.
commonly found in Detroit's public schools in 2010

In the grand scheme of things, Sims’ accomplishments pale in comparison to Masoli’s. The way Sims went about acquiring said laptops amounted to robbing 7-year-olds of their ability to play Oregon Trail or sneak a picture of a boob with Google image search. Not exactly a tough heist. Masoli, however, waltzed into a frat house dressed as a hooker looking for some lacrosse players while him and a pal took turns distracting bros until it was deemed safe to make off with the loot.

We would like to see an in-season Fulmer Cup challenge started up to keep track of these capers.

Fleeting thought… Jayson Werth looks like a serial killer in hiding.