Joe Perverto

THE GAMBLER, WEEK 11

It’s that time again kiddos for Kenny Fuckin’ Rogers’ college football notable picks. There are some good games on the docket for this week and also Kenny would like to send a BIG F YOU to Vegas in celebration of his 7-3 record in week 9’s picks. Kenny Fed-Ex’d in his picks today all the way from College Station, PA, where he is disguised as a student and is partaking in the rioting and other debauchery going on in that part of the world.

#19 NEBRASKA -3.5 vs. #12 PENN STATE
Gonna go ahead and get this obvious one outta the way here. There is no way that Penn State wins this game with all of the distractions that have been bombarding the team over these past few days. Nebraska rolls into College Station in FULL BLOWN RAGE MODE after losing 28-25 at home to powerhouse Northwestern (!). Not to mention Penn State’s awful 21.7 PPG (aka 100th ranked) scoring offense. Godspeed sweet JoePa.

GOODNIGHT SWEET PRINCE

#7 OREGON +3.5 vs. #4 STANFORD
In the Pac-12 there are these two and then there is everyone else. And by everyone else we mean a short bus full of AIDS with Lane Kiffin in the driver’s seat. It also appears that Andrew Luck has shaved his beard for the Oregon game and we all know Magic Johnson was never the same after he shaved his. Tsk tsk.

Just in case any of you weirdos want your own Andrew Luck beard.

FLORIDA +3 vs. #13 SOUTH CAROLINA
It’s about that time of the year when the Gamecocks somehow turn a 7-1 season into a 7-5 season. Don’t bet against history, folks. On the flip side, however, Florida has lost 8 straight against ranked teams. Excuse me, please remove that spotlight from Aaron Murray, sir.

#2 OKLAHOMA STATE -17 vs. TEXAS TECH
Just arbitrarily picking against Tuberville’s ears.

IOWA +2.5 vs. #17 MICHIGAN STATE
Just another one of those Big 10 roulette games where literally anyone can win. This one will probably be decided by a field goal echoing the excitement of the following clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsPNt6uBxBE

#5 BOISE STATE -15 vs. TCU
Outside of the opener against Georgia, Boise’s schedule has rapidly evolved into a crusty white piece of dog shit. DOG. SHIT. TCU is a long way removed from the team that upset Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl last year so don’t expect any additional love in the polls for the Broncos. Besides, even if TCU were ranked, would anyone still give Boise much credit for beating just another non-AQ team anyway?

#8 ARKANSAS -14 vs. TENNESSEE
A Tennessee loss here likely sends the Vols home for the holidays as upcoming Vandy and Kentucky are not gimmes for this year’s Volunteers. I was rooting for Arkansas last week because it meant a loss for South Carolina, but now there is no more reason to ever root for that beady-eyed manlet Petrino. With that being said, Arky crushes UT.

#1 LSU -41.5 vs. WESTERN KENTUCKY
The collective head of all college football fans would explode if LSU fucked this one up.

MISSISSIPPI STATE +17 vs. #3 ALABAMA
Not sure how Alabama reacts after the heartbreaking loss last weekend. Let’s just hope this one doesn’t go into OT also, for the sake of not having to listen to Nick Saban whine about college football’s OT rules (wtf?).

#15 GEORGIA -12 vs. #20 AUBURN
Auburn is coming off of a bye week but as it’s been proven in the past in the SEC, that literally means nothing. The tune-up that Georgia got last week was much more productive than a bye week ever could be so you can reasonably expect the Dawgs to roll tomorrow afternoon, as long as the mental miscues and special teams problems are absent. This is going to be an exciting game with an electric atmosphere emanating from Sanford Stadium so don’t miss it.

this has nothing to do with anything in this post