‘Keyes’ to the Game…Ole Miss Rebel Bear/Hottie Totti Edition

Again brought to you by none other than the man himself, no 62 In the East Illinois State Fighting June Bugs circa 1968 program and no 1 in your hearts, the savior of brothers in conservative altruism…without further adieu: Mr. Alan Keyes!

"The Hot-Seat Bowl? What, is Obama gonna be there?"


Inspector G: So welcome back, Alan…

Keyes: Good to be here, Inspector….good to be here…I tell ya what.  This crank Obama.  He is seriously using bridges for props now?  Shovel Ready?  What does that even mean?  I know that…

Inspector G:  Sir, you do realize this is a Sports site, right?

Keyes:  Of course I do.  Who do you think I am?  Anthony Weiner?  Some pale faced fool without the chops?

Inspector G:  No sir.  Just give me your ‘keyes’ to the game so I can get the hell out of this Chinese Buffet.  I find it rather appauling you insisted on meeting here.

Keyes: Look, this Moo Goo Gai Pan is the shiat.  Hold on a sec…waiter!  (Snaps fingers)   Waiter?! (shakes empty glass with ice and a young man of oriental descent approaches).  Look here, (while doing some weird hand motions and speaking to the waiter in a typical American assholish manner) Youuu make meee crab rangooonsss?  (The waiter simply answers, with no accent, ‘Sure.  I’ll be right back.)  Hmm..that guy apparently spoke engrish….hahaha.

Anyways Inspector, I’ll get to the point.  This Georgia team has been a confusing one to say the least.  We have that debacle in the Dome.  Then turn around and have a good showing against a very legit South Carolina team.  It could’ve been great but we couldn’t take care of the ball.  I honestly see a lot of promise in this team.  I wont go on record to say they will be world beaters by the end of the season, but they might.  This game really shouldn’t tell us too much overall (unless they lose).  I’m kinda expecting a blowout, actually.

Here’s how they’ll do it: A very balanced attack on offense.  I know that is kind of cliche when speaking of the offense lately, but I really feel that this will be one of those game where we will have 240 passing yards 200 rushing yards and score 42-48 points.  I see Crowell getting the call for the corner several times early and if we can just slow down their OLB’s he should be off to the races.  I can also see Murray letting it rip.  He’s been above average this year, but not stellar.  I think this game is primed for him to become that QB we all wanted to see.

Look, Ole Miss Rebel Hottie Bear Admiral Ackbars took one in the mouth last week against Vandy.  They may be playing for the Nuttsters job, but whose to say the underclassmen even want him there anymore.  He’s like Les Miles Lite: All the calories, half the flavor.  I think this team is fragile and on the brink.  This is quite an advantage for the dawgs in my opinion and I think they are just the team to push them off the ledge.

For the defense I anticipate another above average game.  Maybe a turnover mid-way through, but I don’t see the defense pick 6-ing like Vandy did.  Why you ask?  Because poor QB play for the opposing team doesn’t seem to ever be the norm for UGA since Reggie Ball left Tech.  I see very strong showings on third downs, as has been the case all year.  But where I’m prediciting something new is in the sack department.  This Quarterback Ole Miss has is screwed up mind fucked after last weeks debacle.  After throwing so many picks last week, he will be uber prone to hold hold hold onto the ball versus throwing it into the grasp of our safeties.  I predict 6 sacks for the game a la a corner blitz, jones blitz, and John Jenkins bone crusher bullrush.

So there ya go.

Inspector G:  Well, thanks Alan.  That was great.  Appreciate you taking the…

Keyes: Now for something super special: my talking points for meet the press tonight…

Inspector G: OK, cut.

-Inspector G

Tonight’s Freshman Spotlight…Michael Bennett

I love the guts of this kid.  I really do.  He seems not only to have sticky fingers, but looks to be a tad faster than Durham.  Kids like this make me excited about the rest of this season, especially Saturday.

Little hope fairies just runnin a muck in my heart.

-Inspector G

Things I Don’t Wanna See Today

Well, for the life of me, I can’t convince myself that we’re gonna win.  I know we can.  I know we have the tools, talent, coaching, conditioning, and will enough to win.  However, until we show that pre 2006 nastiness and finishing ability, I don’t think I can (even with my blatant homerism) automatically put a ‘W’ in the column.  Everyone here knows what we all WANT to see, but specifically I don’t wanna see this:

Any South Carolina colors wearing faggot and his methed out muffin-top date, who paid way-too-much on stubhub, cheering in my face if the worst happens.  I want all red and black around me.  I’ll talk shit going out the door and get satisfaction by saying, “Stephen Garcia’s mother can go fuck herself” win lose or draw.

Maybe I should’ve changed the title to ‘Thing’ I don’t wanna see today…

We are tailgating on East Campus, come by and partake in the fiesta.

Please, comment away…

-Inspector G

The Most Honest UGA Preview in The World: Offense Edition

Received several requests on Twitter (@REALInspectorG) and abroad to do a season preview about what I thought about the season and the first game.  Get ready for some honest homerism.

I look around this unit and I see two things: Loads of Talent and Very Little Depth.  On the plus side, Crowell seems to be as advertised. Murray may be the next Heisman to wear the red and black.  Ben Jones eats grass and 1 techniques for brunch.  From all of the reports I have read and heard (and trust me, I’ve looked at more than my fair share) that our core looks good.  I’m hearing Samuel can still tote the rock.  I’ve been told that the receivers have been stepping up, especially Marlon Brown.  This scares me.  Why?  Because this is the same type of happy talk we hear every year and the average Chinese Buffet frequenting Georgia fan is main-lining it like fresh cut heroin.  I’ll be skeptical on this unit as a whole until we put up 40+ on Boise and the ‘Cocks.  I mean c’mon, I’ve been hearing about how awesome Marlon Brown is for the past two seasons and the only thing he’s been good for is giving humorous facebook status updates about slaying white girls.  Don’t believe me? Go ‘friend’ him.  I look at Murray, Charles, King, and the O-line and I feel like we can be efficient enough to keep us in every game, but unless all this ‘happy talk’ translates on the field, we won’t be world beaters this year.  However, if these guys do step up and start producing on a high level (damn, I sound like a coach) the big O could be scary.  I think Aaron Murray is the best QB in the SEC and if he can have some things fall his way, he may be considered one of the top 3 in the nation by the time this season ends.


Best Players/Impacts (in order of importance)
Aaron Murray- Absolute film rat, prepares better than probably every QB in the nation save Kellen Moore, will throw 27 TD’s run for 6 more, will still make more plays with his feet than our fan base will admit and Richt wants.

Ben Jones – ranked 1 or 2 best center (depending on what publication you read), was named the all out leader of the team by Murray and others (as reported by Radi Nabulsi), anchors the 2nd best o-line in the SEC should they all stay healthy.

Orson Charles: I would put him at no 2 but my lineman background wont let me, best TE in the nation, best TE in the nation, best TE in the nation, look for him to be flexed out in space 30-40% of the time as a full-time receiver.

Richard Samuel: Why not Crowell?, because I honestly think he will do fine, but so much depends on Samuel from leadership, to blocking assignments, to actually toting the rock.  UGA’s best running game in the past decade was a 2-headed monster featuring Thomas Brown and Knowshon Moreno.  Moreno carried it more, but Brown laid the hammer down.  I think these two need each other to be more than just ‘good’.

Malcome Mitchell.  Just wait.

-Inspector G

Who Brings a Bulldog Pup to His Announcement? That Be Isaiah Crowell !!!

Yeah, I be that dawg!

I’m not going to really go into a ton of depth about the recruiting picture.  At this point, it is what it is.  Don’t get me wrong, I am very excited and I am very shocked that we’ve done so well.  Crowell is HUGE and you all know it.

Here is a pretty cool video on ESPN.  (I love the question where he just repeats what that douche bag ESPN guy asks him)

Now, if we get John Jenkins on Saturday we will really have something here.  People who can play right away, make a difference, and punish our rivals.

Upcoming post tomorrow will be a tribute to my buddy, Logan Gray.  So tune in.

-Inspector G

Joe T II ‘The Duece’ is a hardass and the Savior of our S&C Program…

I don’t want to opine too much about this from Seth Emerson on The Georgia Beat Blog (also follow his link to the Macon Telegraph) because I think it speaks for itself, but if you’re a Dawgs fan and this doesn’t get your nether region tingling, then you should take a bath with a toaster, Groundhog Day style…

Last week I had a chance to sit down with Joe Tereshinski, the newly-elevated strength and conditioning coordinator for the Georgia football team. The story is now posted at, and here’s an excerpt:

“So I do see where we were getting beat. I do see where our weaknesses are,” he said. “And so that’s what we are attacking. We are attacking where we’ve been weak.”

So what does all that “attacking” entail? Tereshinski doesn’t want to get too specific because he wants to keep the training habits in-house. After his first workouts in January, players started tweeting about how strenuous the workouts were. Backup quarterback Hutson Mason tweeted, “I call this a good hire! Hard work aint enough!”

But Tereshinski told the players to cut out the tweeting. He also scoffed at the players reacting to how tough the first few workouts were.

“That’s how it’s supposed to be,” he said.

At first I was told Tereshinski would only have 20 minutes, but it turned to a bit more as he got going. The man loves to talk about his craft, and is obviously excited about the job.

“When (Mark Richt) asked me to go into strength and conditioning, that’s where my passion is,” Tereshinski said, in a quote that didn’t make my story. “I love working with young men.”

There was one other thing that couldn’t make it into my story that I wanted to pass along. Tereshinski says one factor that hasn’t gotten much notice is that because of construction, the team has been moved to a different weight room, and for the previous 18 months had been largely operating out of trailers. They didn’t have much room for equipment: No dip bars, no incline presses, and some other machines.

“Last year’s team was very limited, really because of the facility, of what they could get done,” he said. “So we were very weak in our triceps. We were very weak in our upper chests. So what happens is now that we have our full weight room capacities we’re really going to be able to develop our bodies fully. …

“That did affect this team. Because Georgia did not have anything that it was used to having. Now we have an unbelievable weight room, and we have everything we need.”

Wow, that speaks VOLUMES.  And bringing Thomas Brown back in is also a HUGE plus.  Look for us to get stronger in the 4th quarter this season, not weaker.

-Inspector G

Recruiting News, Playa Haters, and Mom’s Sweet Tea

As I promised:

On the recruiting trail is our fearless leader, Mark Richt.  And for a 6-7 team, he is killing it.  I’m not sure what we’re telling these kids or what the ‘Friends of the Program’ are giving them*, but it’s working.

Unless you were on Mars this past week, you should have heard the news the UGA picked up Jay Rome, Malcom Mitchell, and now just picked up Xavier Ward.

Quick Hitter Stats:

  • Jay Rome / 4 Star  /  Most sites have him rated no 1-3 TE in the Nation
  • Malcom Mitchell  / 4 Star  / Top Athlete in the state, but is projected as a 6-1 corner, great speed and will play some offense/specialist
  • Xavier Ward  / 3 Star  / One of the, if not THE, top tackle prospect in the State.  a 6-7 monster

Why are these important, besides their actual contributions to the team?  Well in the Inspector’s humble opinion, it gives me more of a bearing as to where the non-biased UGA fan stands and how the true moniker on Richt right now is not actually “what a failure, get his ass outta here” but closer to ” well, no one is happy, but he is making the correct decisions off the field to not only win, but win Championships”.  As an unapologetic UGA homer, I am in the second group of thinking and I like where he and Mcgarity have their mind sets.

Going forward, our biggest keys to recruiting this season lie with 3 players: Isaiah Crowell, Ray Drew, and ‘Big’ John Jenkins.  While Isaiah Crowell tends to be what most recruiting ‘beatniks’ who put way too much into 17 years old’s statements consider our biggest need, but I digress.  Although he will certainly change our running game for the better, it is in fact John Jenkins who will make the most immediate impact and to whom our hopes should rest.  If you live under a rock: John Jenkins is a MONSTER JUCO nose tackle who de-committed to Okie State and now we’re in the lead for his services.  I can hear it now, “Wow, he’s just a JUCO player, Ima hate him, he won’t be here long.” Oh ok…SEE: Nick ‘Dirty VD Bastard’ Fairley.  It was he, and not sCam ‘Now I can LEGALLY buy a laptop’ Newton who really won that MNC.  Jenkins impact would be immediate, substantial, and hopefully pay the ‘Fairley-ish’ dividends.

Ray Drew is a DE/OLB that is like Justin Houstin, but a little bigger.  Some rate 4 star, some 5, but he is a big deal, too.

Now while Isaiah Crowell (5 star RB) would be awesome and I would love to have him, he would be my close no 2 if I were the coaches.

Although, I may be wrong:

What do you think?

-Inspector G

Afterburner, Kentucky Edition

First things first, let me start by saying that the game was not even close and the score doesn’t reflect the complete and utter demolition of Kentucky on both sides of the ball. Now, those two late TD’s that UK got were absolute garbage and still shows me that our defense is still not there yet…but, they are still BETTER.

From the opening kickoff, to the 3 Justin Houston sacks, to Ealey’s 5 (COUNT THEM 5!) TD’s the Dawgs showed why the Ol’ Ball Coach says we’re playing the best ball in the conference right now. I hate that man, but I listen when he speaks.

Here we go, Helmet Bones and Grades:

Offense: Kept it out of reach from the start, we ran the ball well, DOMINATED the line of scrimmage (finally) and Murray plays another solid game with no INTs. On those goal line plays, we literally were blocking their DL’s out of the endzone. I would like to see the tight ends get involved more, but I can’t complain to much with any victory we get, but to continue to get them, the tight ends are too good to just let them block.

Grade A

Helmet Bone goes to Washaun Ealey. Again, 5 TD’s no fumbles, no further explanation necessary.

Defense: Had we not let up and allowed the Cats to score those last two garbage TD’s I would have given a higher grade, but then on the other hand Justin Houston was raping errrbody named Hartline, so it was a tough call. We are almost there now and I can at least say that we are much improved than a year ago and Alec Ogletree will be an absolute man-child in the near future.

Grade B+

Helmet Bone goes to Justin “Raping Errbody named Hartline” Houston. 3 sacks, 3 tackles for loss, absolutely a game changer.

Special Teams: Blair Walsh must have had a stomach flu, or found out he got hepatitis because nothing else explains him missing that field goal and PAT…hopefully whatever it is he can meditate enough to cure it. He lost the Groza last night.

But that was the only thing not ‘special’ about our special teams. As they kicked off to Boykin, I looked over at my father and said “Yeah, kick it to Boykin, he’s due” 8 seconds later he was in the endzone and I looked like Edgar Casey (famed psychic). Drew Butler punished the football like it was his bitch and kickoff coverage continues to be stellar.

Grade A

Helmet Bone goes to Brandon Boykin, and he is arguably the greatest kickoff returner in SEC history.

Coaching: As much as I’m sure some of you hate for me to say this, I’m still going to do it: We have a great coaching staff. Sure, Bobo looks hapless sometimes, but he didn’t have to do much last night because we were running the ball so well. Grantham finally has his defense clicking and it shows. Richt looks more fired up, more passionate, and under control.

Grade B+ because we still took one half of a year to get our shit together.

Helmet Bone goes to Warren Belin. He has his LB’s on a great track for success, is a smart coach, and is the reason why are special teams have improved so much on kick coverage.

So there you go. Sorry about the lack of posts this week, Captain and I are very busy this time of year and when you’re in the male escort business, you got to take it when and how you can.

Later in the week I will bombard you with info, quips, a funny video, and some more thoughts to ponder….IT’S FLORIDA WEEK!!!

– Inspector G

The SEC’s Tummy is Rumbling…Will UGA Feed it?

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we are back in the hunt.  Granted, we have to keep winning a couple of strategic losses have to help us along the way, but we are in the mix in the East, at least. After the Colorado game, if you would have told me this was even a scenario, I would have called you crazier than giving inmates power tools, but here we are.

Most of this is due to the stellar play of my new Man-Crush Aaron Murray.  I can’t believe that a Freshman is this polished, this poised, and that athletic.  Furthermore, a mere 6 months ago, I was clamoring for Mettenberger, I’m glad we’ve got Murray.  He is ranked 19th in the nation in passer rating, 3rd in the SEC in passing, and likes country music.  Might I add he is the only Freshman in those regards.

A few thoughts from Saturday:
Defense looked good.  Yes, I know Vandy dropped some passes but minus the one in the flats that would/might have gone for a long gain, they were pretty insignificant.  The play was consistent, but there were different starters.  Number one, Christian Robinson might winding up to be one of the better linebackers we have seen in forever.  The kid is instinctive, smart, quick, huge, and hell, gives a good well pronunciated interview.  Also I think Cummings and Boykin will see the starting corner roles for the rest of the year.  Watching Cummings climb the ladder for th INT was B-A-UTIFUL!

Offense looked like they finally had their shit together.  Bobo seemed to know when and when not to use Thomas, Ealey ran well, but far and away the OL finally delivered a dominating game.  Good for them, golly it only took firing a senior and starting a freshman to do it, but at least it is an open competition.  Give props to Searels. Murray was on point and honestly, watching how much respect defenses pay towards AJ this year is almost baffling…almost.

Right now I hope that the team is focused on Kentucky and Kentucky only.  We control our own destiny for the most part and can;t even get close to that unless we win on Saturday, which is no easy task.

A few keys to the game.
No 1) Run the F-ing Football!  Richt is like 67-9 when our one running back clears 100 yards.

No 2) We must block.  Kentucky gives up more red-zone TD’s than anyone in the SEC, but you still have to give Murray time and Ealey/Thomas holes.

No 3) Make returns count.  We have been excellent on kickoffs and punts, but our returns are more like pedestrians crossing the road.  A few flops in field position will not only lead to more points, but kentucky looks like this when opponents get on their side of the field:

So we should have a rape fest.

No 4) Keep our TOP up.

No 5) Knock Randall Cobb’s lights out.  I want him wishing he never put on the UK jersey Saturday night, which leads me to my fianl point…

No 6) Alec Ogletree, welcome to the show.  Now, make No 5 come true.

And for all of you pro-visually stimulated learners, this video represents exactly what we need to do:

Go in there, don’t take any shiot at first, or ever.  Take random things from them.  Always relentlessly push forward.  Look scary as hell. Pull out moves they’ve never seen. And be big and bad enough to execute them, even if they have seen them.

Now gentlemen, go Techno Viking their ass!


-Inspector G

Caleb King gets the Death Penalty…Sort of…

So it’s no front page news now that Caleb King has been giving a 2 game suspension for some bullshit lapse of judgement.

I agree with the penalty albeit, it is pretty harsh for failing to appear for a traffic ticket.  What I don’t understand is how easy it has seemed for the Bulldawg Nation to get so down on this kid.  Wow, speeding ticket.  He forgot to pay.  He is a kid, kids forget. An estimated 235,000 Americans get arrested over the same lapse in judgement anually.

Paul Westerdawg, over at The Georgia Sports Blog said it best, I think (and I’m jealous he wrote this before I did):

“Eleven arrest this season is complete and total non-sense.  I recognize that there’s a MASSIVE disconnect (as Blutarsky called it) between the UGA Administration and the surrounding police force for this to be an issue with Caleb.  I also recognize that at many other schools this never results in an arrest. But it doesn’t matter.  Eleven arrests is eleven arrests.  And it’s not all paperwork and boys will be boys stuff.

It’s already hurting us with recruiting as Bama is using our arrest problem to help sway Crowell.  And that’s why I care the most.

I also care because I think it speaks to the leadership of the program at the player level.  The team needs a gigantic kick in the ass, and it has needed one for a long time.  At some point, that kick in the ass has to come from a guy like Shockley, Pollack, Greene, Gilbert, etc.  There’s a black hole in terms of leadership within the team that’s existed since the 2007 season ended.

Don’t think so?  We were in a four game losing streak without a players only meeting being called. That’s incomprehensible to me. As a point of comparison, LSU was 5-0 and had a players only meeting after almost losing a game.

Teams with great leaders have fewer off the field problems, and they win more on the field.

Until our Mark Richt and our Strength and Conditioning program get back into the business of producing real leaders, I don’t expect that our on the field discipline or our arrest record will improve.  And yes…that’s what the S&C program used to brag about the most. Not the size of our players or fictitious 40 times, but the program’s ability to develop true leadership.”

I, for one, do not think this is a big deal and have the team not had 11 prior arrests, this would be a non-issue.  Keep your head up Caleb, and see ya in two weeks.

Welcome to the show Boo Malcome!!!  I am excitied to see what this guy can do.  He is running (pun INTENDED) about 6′-2″, 220 lbs, around a 4.5-4.6 40 time.  Not a speed demon, but his size and power were renown on the field and that is why he is on scholarship.

I know a lot  pundits want to classify ‘change of pace’ backs as little, scat back, open field types.  Well if the NFL with John Kuhn and more so Peyton Hillis have shown larger, pounding, athletic backs can get it done and ‘change the pace’, too.  Except this ‘change of pace’ normally occurs between the tackles and results in knocking the hell and bowling over some folks.  That’s running with purpose, and since we haven’t been able to run between the tackles well all season, who knows?  Maybe Malcome is ready to unleash a little.

Some Pics and videos of Malcome:

– Inspector G