Dr. Chud Scuttle’s Roaming Band of Asthmatic Children
This is the biggest game of the year and honestly, it really wasn’t 2 weeks ago. That’s why we here at HTT are pulling out all the stops and posting not only informative and insightful material, but material that will hopefully make you make fun of, guffaw at, and hate hate hate on all things gator.
First things first; for yet another year, I cannot attend the game. I have to work this weekend. Foxtrot Mike Lima.
Next, I will warn all of you ladies and/or female significant others out there to stay away from this guy:
Jeanus Shortus Douchebagus is found in and around trailer parks, central florida dive bars, and anywhere Pall Malls are sold. These idiots crazy assholes run around, all nimbly bimbly like, meth’d out and want to talk about anything UF football, which normally revolves around how good Tebow is, why screwing Tebow is not gay, and why Tebow should start every NFL game.
Also these idiots crazy assholes like UGA girls. Normally a pick up line would start like this: “Hey baby, you ever flossed with 100% pure cotton before? No? Would you like a shot of Patron with crusties in it and a cigarette? No? Aw hell, I’m just kidding.” But they are not. They are 11ty Billion% serious.
These folks are to be the on receiving end of relentless, tenacious, and voracious attacks on their personal, physical, and emotional health. No holds barred. No family member stricken with cancer on her death or a slow opaquely simpleton child should be spared. Use all you can, crush them mercilessly and when you’re done and they are crying pour salt, gasoline, Turbo AIDS, dicks, and a flame thrower in their wounds. Basically defecate in and or around their souls, their very essence.
In the spirit of this week and Hallows Eve, here is a lovely picture captured by a true Dawg fan who gets the point. This fine gentleman actually dressed up as a Gator fan for Halloween and lo and behold, he got a plethora of these: “What are you supposed to be? A Florida fan?” Ah, the irony is palpable.
Moving right along, I really like our chances in this one. I think we might have finally hit rock bottom enough to not care about the ‘Jax Jinx’ bullcrap. It’s about time we just forget about all of that mojo and quit pissing ourselves when we cross the state line. Mark my words: Attitude will be the difference in this game, not talent.
More to come later. Register for our feed so you automatically get the updates. As one loyal and valued reader told me recently, “[Inspector G], I wasted like a whole Friday at work reading your site. It was the most productive thing I’d done all week.” Now THAT’s what I’m talking about. Invite your UGA savvy and UF friends, too. Tell them about us! Invite them to visit HTT, register, and subscribe.
In all seriousness Captain and I want to thank all of you: friends, readers, subscribers, our two new Post Ready Members (who have yet to post anything, so get with it…)…I know some of you might deem this a little too ‘racy’ or ‘profanity laced’, but if you do, you obviously don’t know us very well or our friends. But again, THANK YOU!
More to come this week…wow, EPICNESS…stay tuned…
I knew this was the case when he literally, not proverbially mind you, f-d the Falcon players, fellow coaches, and management when he ‘midnight falconed’ his way to Fayetteville.
… Pretty good stuff, but it gets even better in his appraisal of Petrino: “He is a coward. Put that in quotes. He ruined a bunch of people’s lives, a bunch of people’s families, kids, because he didn’t have enough nuts to stay there and finish the job. That’s the truth.”
When asked if he had seen a two days like that before, where the Falcons lost on Monday Night Football, a coach resigns and then is doing “Woo Pig Sooey” 24 hours later in front of Arkansas boosters, Zimmer said: “No, most people in football have enough courage about them and enough fight to stick through something and not quit halfway through the year. It is cowardly.
“He came in and said he resigned, he would talk to us all at a later date, walked out of the office and no one has ever talked to him since. Not that anybody wanted to.
“He’s a gutless b—–d. Quote that. I don’t give a s—.”
When told that we might might not be able to use the B word, Zimmer went one better: “How about this, gutless MF. You can use that.”
Piece of shit, told you.
Tons to talk about, mostly negative. I’ve had to give myself a couple of days to think about what I wanted to say and analyze without burnin’ this mother down getting upset. So please excuse my lack of posting.
No words can take the sting away, but maybe some common sense punditry will reduce the duration…
Check back soon…like tomorrow.
-Inspector G (ok, so I went overboard with the tags, but read them, they’re funny….)