Dr. Chud Scuttle’s Roaming Band of Asthmatic Children

Yes, I am THAT Inspector G…

“Hello,  I clicked on your website and thought it was pretty cool.  You need to update more.  But I take it you are the same Inspector G that trolls the AJC blogs about Matthew Stafford and Amicis in Athens?  I ask because I think they are pretty f$%&ing stupid yet pretty funny.  Is Amici’s good?  I’ve always wanted to try it.  -Nick the Accountant”

That is a real message that I got in my private message box in twitter (@REALInspectorG).  I messaged him back and told him I would post on this site for the answer.  So I guess if you read this Nick, between your W2’s and green visors, now you know.

How about the rest of you?  Surprised?  Shocked?  Have no idea what the hell I’m talking about?  Do me a favor: go to google type in ‘inspector G ajc’ and read the blog thread trolling that I’ve been doing.  I think you’ll like them.  For example (27th comment from the top, sometimes you’ve gotta search a little) the title of the Op-Ed is “Weiner to quit; Dems seek new excuse to ignore debt crisis”:

Matthew Stafford once met Rep. Weiner. That’s right, Matt had just been drafted by Detroit and went to New York with a lady friend of his to celebrate. Rep. Weiner recognized him on the street, came over and struck up a conversation. Matt, being the gentleman and international man of leisure he is, spoke with Rep. Weiner in a most accommodating manner. They discussed everything from football to politics. As the conversation went on, Matt noticed that Rep. Weiner kept looking at his lady friend with ‘meat-gazer’ style eyes and then asked her if she was on Twitter. Matt knew then that this Twittgergate would all go down, warned the congressman, but the warning fell on deaf ears. Matt is reported to have said, ‘If you keep staring at my lady friend, I’m gonna sock you one in the mouth.” It is also rumored that before he decided to resign, the good congressman called Matt (who was in Athens) for advice. Matt flew him down to Athens, where their conversation took place at Amici, in which the congressman was so overwhelmed by how delicious the buffalo chicken garcheemar was and by how many new lady friends Matt lined up for him, he wasn’t so much worried about this scandal as he was wiping that scrumptious garcheemar off of his face. He subsequently follows Matt on twitter at MattStafford9…he now addresses him as Mr. Stafford.
-Inspector G

So go view my offseason work and enjoy yourself.

PS- I’m watching the UK v WKU game and Kentucky looks like shit. 4th quarter and it’s a punter’s wet dream. Uk leading 7-3.

Oh and Nick, Amici’s is f-ing delicious.  Order either the buffalo chicken garcheemar (fried chicken, dipped in buffalo sauce, on top of a Italian bread with melted cheese, and Italian herbs)…get the honey hot with blue cheese.  Also, their wings are the best wings this side of Louisiana.  Try the honey 2X extra crispy.  Awesome place owned by awesome folks.

-Inspector G

 

 

The Most Honest UGA Preview in The World: Offense Edition

Received several requests on Twitter (@REALInspectorG) and abroad to do a season preview about what I thought about the season and the first game.  Get ready for some honest homerism.

OFFENSE:
I look around this unit and I see two things: Loads of Talent and Very Little Depth.  On the plus side, Crowell seems to be as advertised. Murray may be the next Heisman to wear the red and black.  Ben Jones eats grass and 1 techniques for brunch.  From all of the reports I have read and heard (and trust me, I’ve looked at more than my fair share) that our core looks good.  I’m hearing Samuel can still tote the rock.  I’ve been told that the receivers have been stepping up, especially Marlon Brown.  This scares me.  Why?  Because this is the same type of happy talk we hear every year and the average Chinese Buffet frequenting Georgia fan is main-lining it like fresh cut heroin.  I’ll be skeptical on this unit as a whole until we put up 40+ on Boise and the ‘Cocks.  I mean c’mon, I’ve been hearing about how awesome Marlon Brown is for the past two seasons and the only thing he’s been good for is giving humorous facebook status updates about slaying white girls.  Don’t believe me? Go ‘friend’ him.  I look at Murray, Charles, King, and the O-line and I feel like we can be efficient enough to keep us in every game, but unless all this ‘happy talk’ translates on the field, we won’t be world beaters this year.  However, if these guys do step up and start producing on a high level (damn, I sound like a coach) the big O could be scary.  I think Aaron Murray is the best QB in the SEC and if he can have some things fall his way, he may be considered one of the top 3 in the nation by the time this season ends.

QUICK HITTERS:

Best Players/Impacts (in order of importance)
Aaron Murray- Absolute film rat, prepares better than probably every QB in the nation save Kellen Moore, will throw 27 TD’s run for 6 more, will still make more plays with his feet than our fan base will admit and Richt wants.

Ben Jones – ranked 1 or 2 best center (depending on what publication you read), was named the all out leader of the team by Murray and others (as reported by Radi Nabulsi), anchors the 2nd best o-line in the SEC should they all stay healthy.

Orson Charles: I would put him at no 2 but my lineman background wont let me, best TE in the nation, best TE in the nation, best TE in the nation, look for him to be flexed out in space 30-40% of the time as a full-time receiver.

MOST INTERESTED IN SEEING:
Richard Samuel: Why not Crowell?, because I honestly think he will do fine, but so much depends on Samuel from leadership, to blocking assignments, to actually toting the rock.  UGA’s best running game in the past decade was a 2-headed monster featuring Thomas Brown and Knowshon Moreno.  Moreno carried it more, but Brown laid the hammer down.  I think these two need each other to be more than just ‘good’.

PLAYER THAT WILL BE A HOUSEHOLD NAME BY THE END OF THE YEAR
Malcome Mitchell.  Just wait.

-Inspector G

The Bulldog Prayer

You know the content here on HTT.  You know that Captain and I are a bunch of fun loving, vastly inappropriate, and always in your face thug-nasty nasty-thugs!….AND none of that is going to change.  However, at the August 30th meeting for the East Metro Bulldog Touchdown club, an invocation given was so great, so full of awesomeness I just had to post it here.

Without further adieu, the Bulldog Prayer:

Tonight our Lord we are gathered as members of the Bulldog Nation and we thank you for the blessings of being a Bulldog.

We thank you for fall afternoons between the hedges, we thank you that we are blessed to hear the Redcoats playing “Glory, Glory,” and we give thanks for  the chills we get when the trumpet tones the battle hymn.  We give thanks for the smell of ribs cooking on the grills of campus tailgates and we gave thanks for the chapel bell ringing after a victory, and are grateful  for the sheer joy of wearing red and black.

We thank you for those moments that we treasure,  Tarkenton to Herron, the flea-flicker versus Bama, Appleby to Washington, that kid outa Johnson County running through two men, run Lindsey run, sugar falling from the sky, Butler kicking it a million miles, hobnailed boots  that still hurt in Knoxville and Johnson in the end zone.

Tonight we thank you for Aaron Murray, a fine young man who did not charge  us $180,000 to play quarterback.

Tonight we thank you that Mrs. Gathers and Mrs. Jenkins allowed their sons to discover biscuits and pound cake at an early age so that we might have a nose guard for the 3-4 defense.

Tonight we thank you Lord for the potato industry in Idaho so that the boys from Boise will have something to do after they learn they know nothing about football.

Tonight we thank you for the new Nike uniforms.  We may not like them but we know they look better than a Gator in a tank top and jean shorts.

Tonight we thank you that as we gathered here that we have been blessed, we have been blessed to live in land that stands for freedom, for those who have given of themselves to defend our freedom.   We thank you for the blessings of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness and we pray for your blessings to continue on we who are gathered here this evening that may truly understand that it is great to be a Georgia Bulldog.

John Brown

Monticello, Georgia

Go Dawgs!!!

You’ve got to admit, there is nothing close to this being said at any damned Boise State Touchdown Club meeting.

2 Days my friends, 2 days…GO DAWGS!

-Inspector G

Charlie Sheen: American Hero (and other UGA notables)

Charlie Sheen truly is an American hero.  I’ve grown up watching him and feel like he has participated in the American Experience to the best of his ability and I am glad that he is getting the amount of exposure he is lately, because I fear the coke and the excessive binges will end his life here pretty soon.

 

On the UGA notes:

3 topics I will tear through like a rabid tiger (if you can’t tell this will be a Charlie Sheen flavored post, then you obviously don” t know your ass from Chuck Lorre) will be: The Crowell Infraction, Aaron Murray’s rockin’ bod, and the Dawgs in the Big Dance.

Crowell Situation:

I have lost all shreds of respect for the NCAA since the Cam Gate, Ohio State Tats for Cash, and Tressell’s Messell events.  All  were high profile programs running a muck  whose punishment (if any were EVEN HANDED OUT) was the equivalent of being sent to ‘time out’.  The point that I am trying to make is that the NCAA picks and chooses what they consider ‘rules’, how they ‘enforce’ these ‘rules’ and how they ‘punish’ those that break these ‘rules’.  The Crowell situation is no different.  Here UGA goes and self-reports a minor infraction that may be a violation of the rules, loosely interpreted, and we get hit with an ineligible Crowell (which has now been reinstated) and an April-less Richt on recruiting phone calls.  What a joke.

I want to go on a serious profanity laced tirade to tell you how shitty and obtuse the NCAA is, but I’ve already done that several times, sent them several emails and letters about how I and the rest of the Nation feels about their lunacy (to which I have received no response whatsoever), and publicly scrutinize their every move.  They kind of remind me of our illustrious Government who are so disconnected and removed from the ideas and feelings of those they govern, they forget what they are there for in the first place.

Moreover, I cannot believe the punditry surrounding ‘Crowell Gate’, especially Bill King from the AJC.  This wanna be piece of shit with coke bottom glasses and equally unattractive beard feels that he is the end-all-say-all of UGA football analysis, morality, history, and mythos.  This guy couldn’t get out of a shower of shit.  Read this refuse here. Slippery Slope? How come every time we have a relatively quiet off season with nothing more than praise for good deeds (Blake Sailors is a badass). this fuck, Bill King has nothing better to do than to opine about how ‘Richt is becoming careless” and wondering “where should Richt draw the line?”.  I’ll tell you what, Bill King, you can take your UGA hat you found on the Wal-mart rack, set it on fire and let the flames take your crappy beard, too.  You couldn’t find anything else to write about?  You sir, are pathetic and I hope you read this, get upset, and quit blogging all together.  You know, I’m sure the short-lived career you have at AJC (PRINT NEWS, DUHN DUHN DUHN) will provide such a financial windfall that you can buy a new hat and some fucking contacts.

 

Aaron Murray’s Rockin’ Bod:

Looks like Joe T means business.  I know hype is hype, but when we have every member of the team running faster, lifting more, and gaining good weight, you really can’t argue much.  I’ll just let this pic speak for itself.

Yes, that is OUR QB!

 

Hoop Dawgs; The Never Ending Story that Ended

The tale of the season was summed up in a colorful yet unsatisfying manner on Friday night.  I thought we were definitiely the more talented team, but not the smartest one on the court.  It goes to show again and again how playing smart sometimes over-rules superior talent.

It would be a shocker to see Leslie or Thompkins stay, but if they do we are well poised for another tourney repeat appearance next year.  Especially with Rockdale’s finest Kevin Ware could be on his way here.

Spring Practice update later in the week.  Stay classy.

– Inspector G

 

 

 

WE HAVE INTERWEBZ

For the past three weeks (up until about 3 hours ago exactly) I have not had access to the internet, or a computer (besides the one at work, which of course I cannot post there) due to the extensive remodeling that is going on here at my residence.  So for that I am sorry.  A good bit has happened in the past 3 weeks, some of it is good news, some of it is great news.  Let me gather my thoughts in the next hour or so and I’ll opine on several hot UGA football topics, including Crowell’s infraction, Aaron Murray”s rockin’ bod, and my thoughts on the UGA Men’s Basketball team in the big dance.

Toodles

-Inspector G

It’s a Mini-Mall

On this week here at HTT, we will be giving you our thoughts on Washaun Ealey, Isaiah ‘Baby: Mid-Rare, Please” Crowell, and Boo Malcome’s place in the backfield. Also Captain will be taking an in-depth look at steroids in competitive eating as well as giving you his ‘Way-too-Early for 2011’ hottest she-males of the year.

Until then, watch this.

-Inspector G

Recruiting News, Playa Haters, and Mom’s Sweet Tea

As I promised:

On the recruiting trail is our fearless leader, Mark Richt.  And for a 6-7 team, he is killing it.  I’m not sure what we’re telling these kids or what the ‘Friends of the Program’ are giving them*, but it’s working.

Unless you were on Mars this past week, you should have heard the news the UGA picked up Jay Rome, Malcom Mitchell, and now just picked up Xavier Ward.

Quick Hitter Stats:

  • Jay Rome / 4 Star  /  Most sites have him rated no 1-3 TE in the Nation
  • Malcom Mitchell  / 4 Star  / Top Athlete in the state, but is projected as a 6-1 corner, great speed and will play some offense/specialist
  • Xavier Ward  / 3 Star  / One of the, if not THE, top tackle prospect in the State.  a 6-7 monster

Why are these important, besides their actual contributions to the team?  Well in the Inspector’s humble opinion, it gives me more of a bearing as to where the non-biased UGA fan stands and how the true moniker on Richt right now is not actually “what a failure, get his ass outta here” but closer to ” well, no one is happy, but he is making the correct decisions off the field to not only win, but win Championships”.  As an unapologetic UGA homer, I am in the second group of thinking and I like where he and Mcgarity have their mind sets.

Going forward, our biggest keys to recruiting this season lie with 3 players: Isaiah Crowell, Ray Drew, and ‘Big’ John Jenkins.  While Isaiah Crowell tends to be what most recruiting ‘beatniks’ who put way too much into 17 years old’s statements consider our biggest need, but I digress.  Although he will certainly change our running game for the better, it is in fact John Jenkins who will make the most immediate impact and to whom our hopes should rest.  If you live under a rock: John Jenkins is a MONSTER JUCO nose tackle who de-committed to Okie State and now we’re in the lead for his services.  I can hear it now, “Wow, he’s just a JUCO player, Ima hate him, he won’t be here long.” Oh ok…SEE: Nick ‘Dirty VD Bastard’ Fairley.  It was he, and not sCam ‘Now I can LEGALLY buy a laptop’ Newton who really won that MNC.  Jenkins impact would be immediate, substantial, and hopefully pay the ‘Fairley-ish’ dividends.

Ray Drew is a DE/OLB that is like Justin Houstin, but a little bigger.  Some rate 4 star, some 5, but he is a big deal, too.

Now while Isaiah Crowell (5 star RB) would be awesome and I would love to have him, he would be my close no 2 if I were the coaches.

Although, I may be wrong:

What do you think?

-Inspector G

Burrow Brackett’s Crystal Ball…

 

NOT WORK SAFE!!!!

Gentlemen, adolescent boys, guys, mens, bears, power bottoms, and UGA lovin’ twinks:

Here is your Burrow Brackett Crystal ball.  Yours truly will be transcribing this report, verbatim, from Mr. Brackett so remember: these are his words and not mine.  Sorry for the alternative lifestyle opening, but Burrow advised that was the only way we could keep him on as a contributor (that and Captain owes him a slush puppy).

(Imagine your inner voice as a homosexual toddler pageant coordinator from Dothan, AL and it will be much funnier.) 

“Heyy ya’ll!!!!  It’s me, Burrow!  Here for my season ending balls…I mean season ending crystal ball.  Fore-casted for you, the fans!  Because that’s what dudes do, and I’m kind of a dude and like dudes, so there.

Ok, Inspector G  gave me these questions to answer and I took them home looked into my challenge XL 3000 butt plug, I ah-hem, I mean crystal ball and came up with these answers.

1) Will Mark Richt be back at UGA next year?   A: Well I sure hope so!  He is a dream boat and looks like he is could be the Kenny to my Loggins (I just love him!).  But seriously, yes.  I do believe not only will Richt be back, but he will not be lured to any other school, Miami, Colorado, etc.  He has won nearly 100 games in 10 years, he deserves another year to try to get everything back under control.  I feel that Richt really does a good job, but waited 1 year too late to pull the trigger on replacing his defensive staff.  Next year will see if these major changes paid any dividends.

2) What about Bobo?  A: What about Smooches that male prostitute on Spring and 14th? They both are increasingly adept at what they do and they both will be back next year in their respective professions.  Bobo is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde the Salami: he hits big, but then abandons what has been working to run some sort of inside RB screen or some off-tackle fail running play, mostly just for the sake of mixing it up and running it.  I agree, you have to have some variety in play calling, but especially this year when your defense was unlikely to bail you out, you have to get your hand on the starter and your foot on the gas.  I just hope that Bobo breaks this down, realizes that about himself and commits it to memory.  But, I cannot argue that his pro-style philosophy works.  We have scored tons of points this year.

3) What is our biggest weakness that needs to be fixed in the offseason?  A: Easy, 2.  First, we need to get a rock hard, rock toting monster from Carver-Columbus: Isaiah Crowell.  And then we also need to get a baby-gobbler 6’2″ 350 pound JUCO stud nose guard to make Grantham’s scheme work.   No 2, replace or current strength and conditioning coordinator, which I heard was done today.  Scrap our program we are using, get with the times, and get the kids so far into shape that they can run wind sprints in a hurricane without getting tired.

4) Thoughts on the Chic-Fi-La Kickoff next year against Boise St?  A: MMMMMM…MMMMM….MMMMM Kellen Moore, he really has some cute teeth, huh?  I like the match-up, the atmosphere will be electric.  I heard that the Inspector is selling his first born to buy tickets to that..haha.  This could actually either be the best thing for UGA’s football team next year or the worst.  Keeping VA Tech in mind, a UGA loss here would be everything short of devastating to start the season.  However, if we win, it will put those no-talent ass-clowns in their place, get UGA national press coverage, and set a mighty strong tone for the season.

5) Give me a new breakout player on offense in 2011… A: Umm, first off, silly-goose, that is not a question, but my crystal ball says (not assuming Crowell is in the line-up) Marlon Brown.  Hyped up, hyped down, whatever.  I’m ready for him to prove it, next year he is a junior and either he has it or not.  we shall see.  I also like Wooten.  Woot is explosive and now that Green will be gone, I see him demanding touches by his play-making ability, alone.

5) Same response, but for defense…  A: I’m not a big fan of church, but I am a big fan of Christian Robinson.  That play he made against UF when he went through that blocker alone was enough.  But look for UGA to have the best, most athletic inside backers in the league next year.  Jarvis Jones and Richard Samuel.  Unleash the dragons.  (I REALLY WANNA SEE 2 DRAGONS!!!).

6) Ok some quick hitters….several….go!!!

– Do you think UGA should have a throwback day next year with white pants, red jerseys and silver helmets?  Yes, it would look good, kinda like The ohio state, but it would be cool.

-How about black out in the dome to start off ther season?  Nope, let us wear our norms.  No gimmicks needed.

-Joe T II to s and c director, good move?   Yes.  The ex-players really seem to like the move, that’s all we can judge by now until next season.

-Sexiest woman on the planet?  Keith Evra.

-Whoopi Goldberg, Hillary Clinton, and Rosie Odonnell.  You got to marry one, kill one, fuck one. Go!   A: Umm…nervous….Mary Clinton, kill rosie, fuck Whoopi.

-Biggest disappointment on the season?  being 6-6 while raping the turnover margin and increasing our offensive ppg buy over 11 per game.

-Biggest surprise? Aaron Murray…LIGHTS OUT.

-Who would you rather nail?  Chad Scott or Stephen Scott?  I exclude myself from this, since I’ve done them both.”

-Inspector G