Dr. Chud Scuttle’s Roaming Band of Asthmatic Children

Grantham > Mullen

For all of you band-wagoneers out there who were so set on batting your eye-lashes at Dan Mullen like a two-bit HPV laden urbanite female of ill repute…NEWS FLASH.  He aint the guy.  The guy you should be looking at and batting your eyes at (while lusting incessantly for his proverbial defensive sack-man cover 3 baby eating man juice) is Todd Grantham.  Look, Richt has done his job.  He hired Grantham.  I’m not sure if any of you remember but these type wins we’ve had the past two weeks are so Richt circa 2002 it’s not even funny.  And before you say (in your best redneck-ass voice), “Well hell, we aint killing nobody like Saban.” Remember that you would certainly take those wins over a 3 point loss against Sakerlina.

Read ’em and weep, assholes…THIS is what I’m talking about.   And don’t forget, this is with playing ONE cupcake….JUST ONE.

Also, he can never be acused of never showing emotion…


-Inspector G


‘Keyes’ To The Game: Bulldawgs vs. Fake Bulldogs Edition

Lou Holtz, You There? Quit spitting on me and donate to my campaign!

Who’s the man with the master plan?  Alan…..Keyes!   Who’s the man who will say you can (even if you can’t)?  Alan…..Keyes!  Who’s the man that takes too much time on Hardball with Chris Matthews to fully answer a question leading Chris to swap it back over to Harry Bellafonte?  Alan…..Keyes!  Here he is ladies and gentlemen!  The legend, the myth, the greatest  non Senator that ever lived!  The 1998 Junior Leader’s Of America Sponsor Winner of the Annual Meeting Hotdog Eating Contest and Tire Roll, our friend, Mr. Alan ‘Don’t Call Me Babydoll’ Keyes!!!

Inspector G: You’re late

Keyes: It’s a relative term.

Inspector G: I’ve been waiting in front of this Build-a-Bear for 2 hours.  I’ve seen more spoiled kids and MILFs than Tom Brady in his child’s car pool. You need to start requesting more normal meeting places.

Keyes: You don’t talk to the talent that way.  You know, Obama talked to me like that and you know what happened to him…

Inspector G: Yeah, he beat you.  He also became President, a pretty crappy one, but nevertheless.

Keyes: Well, we need a new contract with America.  More jobs, less taxes, you know….progress.  I’ve laid out this 43 step plan to reduce the deficit…

Inspector G:  For God’s sake, on with it!

Keyes:  I tell you.  Was I right about everything but the score last week, or was I right?  I WAS RIGHT.  Almost spot on.  This week is a little more puzzling.  A little more complex, if you will.  On one hand, UGA has better talent.  One the other, that hasn’t always worked out for the Dawgs.  I have 3 keys for the dawgs: Short Passing game to lure in a big play, keep Relf in the pocket and let him throw (no cheap first downs), and improve on special teams.

La Tech shredded…I mean absolutely shredded Miss St with the short passing game by a quarterback who can’t even vote for me (he really was 17).  You know the Miss St Fake Bulldogs D wont allow that for long here and will be forced to ‘cheat up’ and abandon the zone with a variation of a zone/man/robber allowing a one-on-one matchup with King or Mitchell and if Murray can land the pass….oh baby!  The running game should do well and I expect Crowell to finally have that brutal cut to send him on a 40 plus yard TD run.  I also like the backs getting some passes thrown out of the backfield.  This has been money all year, keep using it.  And if UGA doesn’t involve the TEs, it will be a tough one tomorrow.

Relf has not been a world beater better than subpar in the passing game all year.  As a result, if we can contain him in the pocket, make correct reads in the option, I see a couple of picks, a sack or two, and a lot of 3rd and longs.  If not, this could be a long day.  Mullen has been kinda pissed with his O’s performance and has probably cooked up what he belives is a fine crawfish dinner, but so has Grantham.  I’m actually really excited about that mind match-up.

Special teams: Let’s just hope Walsh got laid this week.

That’s it.

Inspector G: That’s it?

Keyes: Yep, I wanna go make a Build-a-bear.

Inspector G:  OK, well GO Dawgs!

-Inspector G

Vaught-Hemingway Stadium/Ole Miss Review…

No, this is really not going to be a review of the game, but a review of the fan experience in Oxford.  I mean you all saw the game, right?  You saw us compile 475 yards of total offense and only score 27 points.  Our defense was lights out and the offense is one cylinder away from being really a high powered one.

If you stand under the stairs just right....

Onto the Review:

Traffic/Traffic Control:  F –

One cop on the entire exit.  Took us nearly 35 minutes to go 500 ft to the parking lot. And if it wasn’t for a UGA fan letting us in, it would’ve taken longer.  If I was a donor there, this issue would be addressed ASAP.

Parking: A

The parking lot we picked was close to the stadium, easy to get to (once we got off the exit), affordable (15.00), and had lots of portapottys.

Tailgating: A+

Does it get better than The Grove?  I don’t think so.  If you’ve never been there, you owe it to yourself to go before you die.  Ole Miss fans do it right and have the best tailgating in the world, BAR NONE.

Talent: Whats better than A++++++?  Whatever that is.

This is the most diabolical collection of dime pieces in one place that the world have ever seen.  It was spiritual.

Distance to Stadium (from tailgate): A

300 yards maybe?  SWEET

Fans: A+

The most kindhearted and genuine people (as a fan base) you’ll ever meet.  Warm, talkative, and welcoming: these people are the epitome of Southern Hospitality and Class.  Georgia fans take note.

Stadium Crowd Control/Entrance: F-

The worst and I mean WORST line I’ve ever had to wait in (even worse than Neyland and that’s saying something).  The entrance gate was too narrow and only had 2 ticket takers and no line structure or control.  It was awful.  Almost a 20 minute wait in a 50 yard long line (and it grew).  We thought we would actually miss the kickoff.  It really made you appreciate Sanford and all the UGA fans were saying so.

Stadium Atmosphere: B+

Can’t give an A to a place that seats only 60,580 (although official attendance was only 58,000) and has a fan base that are not rivals with us.  It was nice, but not spectacular.  We traveled well.   VERY well.  I thought about 25% (or more) in the stadium were UGA fans.

Concessions: F- – – (that’s 3 minuses)

Last time we were there, I would have rated it a B, but before halftime they were out of everything save Coca cola and water.  That was it.  Uber fail.

Bathrooms: F -x10

The bathroom in our section went ‘out’ midway through the first quarter and we had to walk to the other side of damn-nation to relieve ourselves.  It is inexcusable to have a bathroom fail and even worse when you can’t fix it.  Also the amount of bathrooms is unacceptable given the amount of people that stadium sits.  There has to be a line ALWAYS.

Stadium Music: B+

Apparently the Ole Miss Stadium Music Guy read HTT last week because this is what played during opening kickoff: P Diddy’s ‘Come With Me’ and then then came the Black Keys, ACDC, and LMFAO.  BUT, they also played that Zombie Nation OOOoooOOOoooOOO bullshit.  They’re fans don’t like it either…and it shows.

Field Appearance/Play: B –

Field looked great (but it is field turf), but way too many slips given that is was field turf.

Traffic control on exiting: F – –

Again, poorly executed, not enough cops, waited in the parking lot way too long in a stale mate.


Ole Miss needs to say ‘thank you’ to their fans, the grove, and the talent because if that’s not there, this overall is definitely a ‘C-‘.  Crowd control, traffic, and bathrooms are of utmost importance and you screwed those up royaly.

Thanks for the good time Oxford and The University of Mississippi.

-Inspector G

‘Keyes’ to the Game…Ole Miss Rebel Bear/Hottie Totti Edition

Again brought to you by none other than the man himself, no 62 In the East Illinois State Fighting June Bugs circa 1968 program and no 1 in your hearts, the savior of brothers in conservative altruism…without further adieu: Mr. Alan Keyes!

"The Hot-Seat Bowl? What, is Obama gonna be there?"


Inspector G: So welcome back, Alan…

Keyes: Good to be here, Inspector….good to be here…I tell ya what.  This crank Obama.  He is seriously using bridges for props now?  Shovel Ready?  What does that even mean?  I know that…

Inspector G:  Sir, you do realize this is a Sports site, right?

Keyes:  Of course I do.  Who do you think I am?  Anthony Weiner?  Some pale faced fool without the chops?

Inspector G:  No sir.  Just give me your ‘keyes’ to the game so I can get the hell out of this Chinese Buffet.  I find it rather appauling you insisted on meeting here.

Keyes: Look, this Moo Goo Gai Pan is the shiat.  Hold on a sec…waiter!  (Snaps fingers)   Waiter?! (shakes empty glass with ice and a young man of oriental descent approaches).  Look here, (while doing some weird hand motions and speaking to the waiter in a typical American assholish manner) Youuu make meee crab rangooonsss?  (The waiter simply answers, with no accent, ‘Sure.  I’ll be right back.)  Hmm..that guy apparently spoke engrish….hahaha.

Anyways Inspector, I’ll get to the point.  This Georgia team has been a confusing one to say the least.  We have that debacle in the Dome.  Then turn around and have a good showing against a very legit South Carolina team.  It could’ve been great but we couldn’t take care of the ball.  I honestly see a lot of promise in this team.  I wont go on record to say they will be world beaters by the end of the season, but they might.  This game really shouldn’t tell us too much overall (unless they lose).  I’m kinda expecting a blowout, actually.

Here’s how they’ll do it: A very balanced attack on offense.  I know that is kind of cliche when speaking of the offense lately, but I really feel that this will be one of those game where we will have 240 passing yards 200 rushing yards and score 42-48 points.  I see Crowell getting the call for the corner several times early and if we can just slow down their OLB’s he should be off to the races.  I can also see Murray letting it rip.  He’s been above average this year, but not stellar.  I think this game is primed for him to become that QB we all wanted to see.

Look, Ole Miss Rebel Hottie Bear Admiral Ackbars took one in the mouth last week against Vandy.  They may be playing for the Nuttsters job, but whose to say the underclassmen even want him there anymore.  He’s like Les Miles Lite: All the calories, half the flavor.  I think this team is fragile and on the brink.  This is quite an advantage for the dawgs in my opinion and I think they are just the team to push them off the ledge.

For the defense I anticipate another above average game.  Maybe a turnover mid-way through, but I don’t see the defense pick 6-ing like Vandy did.  Why you ask?  Because poor QB play for the opposing team doesn’t seem to ever be the norm for UGA since Reggie Ball left Tech.  I see very strong showings on third downs, as has been the case all year.  But where I’m prediciting something new is in the sack department.  This Quarterback Ole Miss has is screwed up mind fucked after last weeks debacle.  After throwing so many picks last week, he will be uber prone to hold hold hold onto the ball versus throwing it into the grasp of our safeties.  I predict 6 sacks for the game a la a corner blitz, jones blitz, and John Jenkins bone crusher bullrush.

So there ya go.

Inspector G:  Well, thanks Alan.  That was great.  Appreciate you taking the…

Keyes: Now for something super special: my talking points for meet the press tonight…

Inspector G: OK, cut.

-Inspector G

Tonight’s Freshman Spotlight…Michael Bennett

I love the guts of this kid.  I really do.  He seems not only to have sticky fingers, but looks to be a tad faster than Durham.  Kids like this make me excited about the rest of this season, especially Saturday.

Little hope fairies just runnin a muck in my heart.

-Inspector G

Someone Has Got Some ‘Splainin To Do Part II…

What the hell is going on with the music in Sanford Stadium???    What is this Zombie Nation OOOoooOOOoooOOO bullshit?  Are we GA Tech now?  What is this “Jump Around” nonsense from House of Pain?   I am perplexed.  Our stadium music was fine.  Or at least adequate. Now, just like our recent records, look of the field, and a part of our fan base it too is abysmal.

If you looked around the stadium when this garbage was being played (and sponsored by Academy which I will now be boycotting) fans were looking around with their hands up and I heard countless, “What is this shit?” exclamations.  It makes me sick.  Well I’m gonna list a couple of songs that I think we could utilize to not only ‘hype up’ the crowd, but also send a message that this Stadium is uniquely Georgia and that it is in the music capital of the state: ATHENS.  Home of the B-52s, REM, Drive By Truckers, Widespread Panic, etc.  We should act like it.  So besides The Who’s Baba O’Reiley, here is the list that I have compiled.  Some old, some new, some surprises.

Those can be used for kickoffs…



These can be used for warm ups…

I mean hell, anything other than that Zombie Nation horseshit.

I know this my seem trivial to some of you, but I feel like we’ve changed things just to change them…

*UPDATE:  I thought of some other traditions that are changed as well.  The spell GEORGIA cheer is now done at the beginning of the game and NOT at halftime.  And the band location has also moved and is right beside the other team’s band and they muddle together in this cluster of sounds.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Inspector G





Things I Don’t Wanna See Today

Well, for the life of me, I can’t convince myself that we’re gonna win.  I know we can.  I know we have the tools, talent, coaching, conditioning, and will enough to win.  However, until we show that pre 2006 nastiness and finishing ability, I don’t think I can (even with my blatant homerism) automatically put a ‘W’ in the column.  Everyone here knows what we all WANT to see, but specifically I don’t wanna see this:

Any South Carolina colors wearing faggot and his methed out muffin-top date, who paid way-too-much on stubhub, cheering in my face if the worst happens.  I want all red and black around me.  I’ll talk shit going out the door and get satisfaction by saying, “Stephen Garcia’s mother can go fuck herself” win lose or draw.

Maybe I should’ve changed the title to ‘Thing’ I don’t wanna see today…

We are tailgating on East Campus, come by and partake in the fiesta.

Please, comment away…

-Inspector G

I Love the Interwebs…

About 4 Years ago, Captain introduced me to the Georgia Sports Blog.  At the time, Paul Westerdawg and Company provided the wittiest and honest UGA sports blogging around.  I mean these guys were on point.  But, just like us here at Hailtothee, they have real lives (and apparently REAL wives, too) and their frequency of posts and content slipped.  But, it lookes like they’re back in action with this latest one.

Sit back and relax: THIS is pure gold!

-Inspector G