Dr. Chud Scuttle’s Roaming Band of Asthmatic Children

Faurot Field and Mizzou Review

1656 total miles driven through some of the prettiest country I’ve ever seen, but also I will never be driving there again because by the end of the trip, I was so tired of being in the car that I could scream.  I literally did a few times.

I can’t really tell you how proud I was of our team as I was leaving the stadium.  I know that we pissed the bed the first 2 quarters, but coming back like we did, how we did, and dominating all 3 aspects of the game (minus that one broken coverage breakdown) was glimpse into the world that could be the rest of the season.  I also landed several up close and personal seconds on ESPN during the broadcast.  Can’t lie, that was pretty great.

71,000 my ass…

The Review:

Traffic/Traffic Control:  A

Not much traffic to speak of.  The city is of decent size but even leaving the stadium was easy and without major delays.

Parking: A+

We were able to park on the first row of a deck less than a half mile from the stadium and a couple of blocks from downtown for 20.00.  Reasonable and close.  Loved it.

Tailgating: D

All I heard when we got there was how Gameday ready the fans would be.  How awesome and hard they tailgate, how technologically sound they all were.  Well news flash Mizzou fans, the only people that were up and tailgating the way it was supposed to be done at 8:30 AM were Dawgs fans. When you finally got up at noon and made an appearance, the Dawg nation had dominated most of your ‘prime tailgating spots’.  There is no wifi anywhere, no PA systems set up anywhere, the only TV set ups were Dawg fans and your best attempt at emulating us was some sort of parking lot that featured a spectacle of flailing arm flailing inflatable blow up tube guys.

These people are in for a culture shock when they get on a REAL SEC campus.

Talent: C+

It looks like the tree doesn’t have many branches and the apples don’t fall far from the tree.  Just like the UGA bloodline, these people are in desperate need of some new blood to round out their looks.  There were some pretty girls, but I dare say they were as hot as they looked because their overall appeal was inflated based on the status quo bridge trolls that were running around.

Maybe instead of wearing t-shirts as dresses and shitty jeans and flip flops and actually take notes of the REAL SEC coeds, they may have a chance to go to a B.

Downtown Area: B

Their fan base is proud of their town.  And I’m proud of mine, too.  But all I heard was how Columbia was just like Athens, only smaller and how ‘at-home’ I would feel.  One word for that noise: bullshit.  In no way, shape, form, smell, taste, sight, touch, feel, and atmosphere does there downtown area like Athens save narrow streets with trees surrounding them,

Distance to Stadium (from tailgate): A

We wound up at the furthest parking lot away from the stadium, but there was a shuttle.

Fans: A

The most kindhearted and genuine people (as a fan base) you’ll ever meet behind Ole Miss.  Warm, talkative, and welcoming: these people are the epitome of Southern Hospitality and Class.  I even received a gift of orange bitters from a very nice gentleman in Jefferson City.  Georgia fans take note.

However, I recommend that the younger generation of Mizzou fans step up their game.  They were all wearing stupid skinny jeans, hooped stretched ear-lobe bullshit and smoking pot out of a one hitter in public.  I’ve never seen so many college age people vomit at will and witness a very classy (and hot) coed walk up within 30 yards of me, go behind a tree (or so she thought) drop her jeans and take a steaming piss. Then stood up, bare ass for all to see, and cleaned up.  It was kinda gross yet kinda hot.  But it definitely wasn’t classy especially since a no-line pod of porta-pottys was in clear view from ground zero.

Stadium Crowd Control/Entrance: A

Easy as it gets.  Period.

Stadium Atmosphere: B++

No way that stadium holds 71,000 people.  I’m not buying it.  It was loud though, very loud.  And I was on the front row along with about 15 other Dawg fans in a sea of yellow.  Loved it.  Stadium was hyped up all game until it was decided.

Concessions: C

Eh…just so so.

Bathrooms: A

Nothing but old style urine troughs.  LOVED IT.  Easiest in and out job I’ve performed in while.

Stadium Music: C-

The same old same old.

Field Appearance/Play: A

I hate field turf, but the field played relatively fast and it had pretty colors. 😉

Traffic control on exiting: A

Super easy.  I was super happy.

OVERALL: A

This was probably the most fun that I have had on a road trip in some time.  The fans were so welcoming and so much fun to be around.  I really enjoyed the beautiful town and campus and atmosphere.  The game was nerve racking but ultimately loads of fun.  I will be going back.

Thanks for the good time Columbia and The University of Missouri.

-Inspector G

Todd Gurley: Progression In Ya Head

This is what happened:

This is what he be thinking while he were doin’ it:

Step 1: Run the hell over fat offensive lineman

Step 2: Make that cut to my left

Step 3: Straight thug nasty stif arm that bitch to the turf

Step 4: Turn tha corner

Step 5: Throwin’  em offa me

Step 6: Run them shits

Step 7: Celebrate with my boys

Step 8: Snow Bunnies! (This step was not featured in the clip, but we can assure you there are some VERY disappointed Daddy’s out there)

Why not, am I right?

 

This is how we do it.

-Inspector G

Summer Lovin’: Hailtothee.com’s Speed Coach Turns Activist…and Other UGA Preseason Developments…

Now, That’s A Spicy Chicken Biscuit: Hailtothee’s own Nicholas Davis and Scooter in a sweet moment of mayonnaise and pickle bliss!

 

So, hopefully you all remember our previously out of work speed coach, Nicholas Davis.  Maybe you don’t.  Here is an update to refresh your memory.

We’re all about charity here at HTT and when this beatuiful man came to us begging on hands and knees (mostly knees, though) we were happier than Sandusky in game room at a Shakey’s Pizza to give him a job.  What is he good at?  Who knows.  I’ve heard he’s been known to impersonate Bono from U2, sing a beautiful rendition of Garth Brooks ‘Calling Baton Rouge’, eat at unconventional hours, lose mercilessly to everyone else in his fantasy football league, bitches harder than Lindsey Lohan when she’s out of blow, and loves the word ‘May-yan’.

We sent this buxom bottom out to UGA’s training camp to get the scoop on the happenings of preseason.  So did he pass the test? (You have to read this out loud and in the style of a gay pageant coordinator from Dothan, Alabama for it to have its full effect)  “Sure may-yan.” He says, ” Hepatitus test, right?  I passed that I think. 2 A’s a B and a C”.  He apparently met up with one of the comment handles here, Scooter, during ‘Chick-fi-la Gate 2012’ or what we like to call ‘Nuggets and Nom Noms’.  He thought old ‘shirt over your head’ disguise would work.  He should have known better.  You can’t disguise a Grade-A piece of he-pussy of that quality….no sir…no way.

So here we go, on with the preseason break down: (Keep reading this in the voice)

“Ok may-yan.  Here is the deal.  We got a lot of depth comin’ bay-yack on both sides of the ball.  Let’s start with the DEFENSE.  Oh yeah!  Kickin’ names and takin’ ass!  Check it out: Jarvis Jones, gonna walk all over folks.  This all-america, all-sec, all-stud will be wreaking havoc all season long.  Get Ready!  But, there is another.  Yes, another.  Just like in Star Wars.  He is also a JJ.  Jordan Jenkins that is.  He will probably make a big splash in the Mizzou game, but from what I hear that kid is gonna be something special.

Looking further into the defense, as long as we can keep our guys on the field and have them not smoke the weed and drive drunk, then we should be ok.  I’m really excited to see ol’ Corni Washington (he let’s me call him that because he is cornier than a fall parade in Iowa) with his hand on the ground rushing (and demolishing) slow, man-titted lineman,

Looking at the offense: Murray will never be as good as ANY QB who has ever played for the illustrious Wisconsin Badgers, but he is pretty good.  It looks like he has been taking the advice from the knowledgeable and football gurus over in the AJC’s comment section and this 35 td, record breaking, all SEC QB will be taking lessons from the greatest QB of all time, Mr. Hutson Mason.  With his footwork much improved from a season earlier, look for Murray to have a good year and be impressive in good games.  But look to Mason to burn that red-shirt and become the GREATEST QB the world has ever seen with a 51% completion rate and 13 TD’s.

Our running back situation is just like this:

That’s right…fuckin’ in a pile.  No one knows who is gettin’ it and know one knows who is takin’ it.  Look for Ken Malcome to get the initial starting nod, but Gurley and Marshall should get some looks early and often.

Receivers look good.  Chris Conley may one day be the first black President that I would actually vote for.

Special teams?  Are you kidding?  After Blair Walsh girlfriends did one of these to him:

You can’t hit the broad side of a barn when your girl fucks with your video games stuff. Apparently Starcraft 2 Beta Key Shit is for real.

So we now have a freshman punter and kicker.  Ehhh…we should be fine.

There you have it. ”

Well, here we are my friends.  Close to kickoff…less than 9 days away now.

-Inspector G

 

Welcome Back!

La la ladies and Gentleman!  Welcome to the show.  It’s a week before gameday kickoff 2012 and you know what that means: HTT is back!  We’re here because we want to be here.  We’re here because the chicks dig it.  We’re here because no one else has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.

And there you have it folks.  Our new slogan: “Hey, we’re just saying what everyone else is thinking…”

This year there will be some of your favorites: my analysis, Captain’s whimsical innappropriateness, Jedi’s new bag (since breaking in his HTT cherry last year).  Oh yeah, you’re favorite characters will be back as well: Kenny Rogers, Alan Keyes, The Macho Man…who knows, we may be adding some more.

Remember, we do this for fun and we do it for all of you who take the time to click here.  We appreciate you.

Season starts in 10 days.  Prepare your anus.

-Inspector G

Taking Care of Business…

Two Simple Words: Go Dawgs!

 

Maybe you wanted a ‘Keyes to the Game’?  Maybe you wanted a post that linked the best breakdowns in the Dawg Nation Blog Roll.  Well today, you just get me, Inspector G.  Alone with my thoughts….delivering to you the most honest blue-print for success for UGA on Saturday.  You may not agree and that’s ok.

I sit here at Midnight on the Eve of this game wondering about our chances.  Hell, who hasn’t had a post this week about this game?  Blutarsky (as usual) has pinned exactly all of my thoughts before I could even write them.  The Georgia Sports Blog has even seen some Paul Westerdawg gems.  Facebook has been riddled with so many posts about this game, it’s about to shut down and here is this little ‘ole blog quietly relishing getting picked up by the dawgbone.net that has led to the most hits we’ve ever had in a month.  For that we thank you.  Yay!  (not so quiet anymore, huh?) But, back to business…

How many times have you heard this all week, “Well, LSU is the most dominant team in the country.  They’re in the BCS Championship win or lose.  However, who is UGA to summon up the nuts enough to play?  How does UGA even prepare for LSU?  They’re too fast.  Too strong.  Too good.  UGA is just another walk in the park for them.”  Huh?  You’ve heard that?  So have I.  Surprisingly, there are a few little pockets of the contrary out there (outside of the UGA blog rolls) that have actually given UGA a punchers chance.

To be honest, I still don’t know exactly what to think about this game yet.  On one hand, we are playing a team that I have watched no less than 6 times this year and I can say that this team would wipe the floor with ’06 Florida and ’10 Auburn.  They are vicious, ruthless, unrelenting, poised, talented, and are well coached.  What are we?

What are we, seriously?  Are we a team that has improved constantly to a point where we are actually playing our best ball right now?  Or are we, as most pundits pointed out, the recipients of the Miss Congeniality Award bestowed upon the SEC Team with the weakest schedule?  I can answer that second question for sure: HELL NO.  UGA has played 4 ranked teams.  Lost to 2 top 10 teams and beat two top 20 teams.  The team hasn’t backed in to shit…

What do we have to do to win?  The question of the week.  Maybe the question of the year.  Here is my list of what we have to do and why…

Offense:

1) Be patient, but take risks.  Conflicting views?  Maybe, but what I mean by this is that the last time we played a team of this caliber, we tried to force so many things we didn’t have to…talkin about Boise.  We know what we do well and there is no reason why we should come out and immediately do a double reverse pass back toss flea-flicker throwdown.  Although a couple of well-timed trick-plays would be nice.

2) Make them have an answer for Orson.  No team has really had an answer for him all year.  Let’s see just how good Orson (or the LSU linebackers/DB’s) can be.  He may be the best TE in the country, try him a couple of times and see what happens.

3) Receivers play smarter.  Look, our freshmen “Triumvirate of Awesomeness” (Bennett, Mithcell, Conley) are good.  But, they are not going to out-athlete LSU’s DB’s.  They have to play smart and key on what they are giving us (just like those cut off routes against Auburn).  Don’t over do it.  Run clean routes and anticipate Murray having to scramble and hit you on an impromptu.

4) OL has to have their best game. Ever. In the History of Best Games.  You know why.  Everyone knows why.

5) Key on their aggressiveness.  The 6 times I’ve watched LSU they have played so aggressive in the secondary.  They feed on that aggressiveness.  Burn them with it.  If 3 and 4 are coming true and they start jumping routes, punish them with a pump and go.  Punish them with a screen.

6) Crowell/Malcome/Thomas do not have to carry the team on their shoulders.  Just be somewhat efficient.  If Crowell especially can get a few nice gains early, the play action will be much more effective.

7) Murray has to have his best game.  There has been much talk about Murray’s Nostradamus-esque prediction that UGA would be back to the dome. He’s a winner and leads those around him with poise, drive, and tenacity.  Now, he just has to be accurate.  You and I both know what happens when he gets pressured early: the footwork begins to weaken and the throws are all over the place. If he can trust Ben Jones and Co, it may get dangerous out there.

 

DEFENSE

1) Stop the run with pure athleticism.  And you’re all going “well no shit, Sherlock”…but wait.  WITH PURE ATHLETICISM?  Big John Jenkins, Geathers, Abry Jones, and Garrison Smith showed last week (and all year) they can take over a game and do some work.  LSU’s offense is not this juggernaut of excellence that everyone continues to say (and yes, I know there is a point to be made about their toughness, but I’m not buying it).  Get the penetration, make them stretch to the perimeter, and pass.

2) If no 1 comes true, then continue to force them to pass.  Let Jefferson put the entire game on his shoulders and he WILL crumble.  He will make a mistake or 3.

3) Stop that bullshit option thing they do and that inside give handoff.  They run this a ton, with lots of success.  Ask Alabama.  I don’t know how you could every time except play disciplined and man the f up.

4) Watch for the Mad Hatterness.  Don’t doubt for a second, at any point in the game, he wont run a double reverse pass back toss flea-flicker throwdown 3 plays in a row…with the Honey Badger….ridin’ a Zebra.

5) Force at least 2 turnovers.  I don’t know how or when, but if we can force 2 turnovers….mmmm…it would be beyond huge.

6) Jarvis Jones, introduce yourself to Jordan “Semper Fidelis” Jefferson early and often.

6) Don’t let up.  If they get up on us early, hunker it down and keep us in it.  If any unit on our side can, it is the Defense.  Save our asses if you have to.  If you don’t, it’s over and over quickly.

 

SPECIAL TEAMS

1) No mistakes. This includes a) missing field goals under 51 yards b) muffing a punt c) shanking a punt d) out kickin our coverage e) missing coverage assignments f) getting our punts blocked g) fumbling on a kickoff.

2) Basically our special teams have to be perfect.  Time and time again LSU has absolutely taken over a game with their special teams.  Fake punts, punt returns, etc…they GOOD.  If we can’t be perfect, we will probably lose.  Look, its honest, right?  I mean we’re not gonna just walk out there and win against the no 1 team in the land.

 

OVERALL TEAM

1) I know the guys aren’t scared, so come out loose.  Have some fun.  And feed off of each other.  We’ve seen it in the Auburn and Tech games.  We really took those over and everyone got involved: from Jarvis Jones to Zander Ogletree.

2) When they hit us (and they will) hit them right back.  Straight in the mouth.  This team hasn’t backed in to shit.  We are on the 10 game winning streak.  That is no fluke, especially in this league.  Play like you belong, because regardless of what Mark ‘I hate UGA’ May says, YOU DO.

 

I know this was long, but it is how I would plan around this team.  We have to pretty much do all of these to be successful tomorrow.  It is a tall order, but achievable.  Lady Luck’s tender caress won’t hurt either.  We will not be able to beat LSU unless we play our best game of the year, on all sides of the ball.  Period.

Larry, if you’re up there, see if you can send a couple of hobnail boots and see if we can’t just pull one more miracle out.  Just for you, old pal.  Just for you.

See you at the game.  Yellow lot.

Go Dawgs!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=twD4vTjZ1tQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=KBgh366drDs

-Inspector G

 

 

The Difference a Season Makes

Stickin' To The Nerds, 10 outta 11!

I really am savoring this victory over Tech.  For one, it just felt good to beat them, but honestly I am just awe struck by how hard this team has worked to stay together despite the “Richt on the hot seat’ meme and those 2 devastating losses.

I’ll have some more in depth stuff for tomorrow….but for now these quick hitters will have to do:

– Murray is much more in sync with his footwork when he trusts his OL.

-Chris Conley is turning into one helluva receiver

-I have changed my vote for the biggest offseason acquisition from Crowell to Big John Jenkins.

-Garrison Smith really did a nice job in place of Deangelo Tyson.  After it gashed us a couple of times, he completely blew up those slant hand-offs.

-Todd Grantham for President

-Dick move by Johnson not letting the clock just run given 12 seconds left, but Paul Johnson is a dick.

-Speaking of dick moves, Johnson’s time-out ‘ice’ for that field goal sure did backfire didn’t it?

-Blair Walsh, I’m sorry buddy.  I still love you.

-Jarvis Jones got another sack.

-Murray still needs another year  to pick up the accuracy before I put him in the ‘lethal’ status.

-Orson Charles, best tight end in the Nation?  Anybody?

-If Aron White dropped that TD pass he should have kept right on running right out of the stadium.

-Is it just me (besides that one pass today) or is Sanders Commings our lock-down CB?

-Tech fans are butt hurt lillies when they lose.  The excuses on the blogosphere are deep, plentiful, and as usual lacking in the rational department

-Alec Ogletree looks like the defensive Megatron

I said it’s Great to Be A Georgia Bulldawg!

-Inspector G

Nicholas Davis Game of The Century Breakdown

Nicholas Davis, Homo, Out of Work Speed Trainer

 

This game of the century brief breakdown is brought to you by “Davis Speed Training: Two Hours A Day, 2 Days A Week, and You Can Be a 2 Pump Chump Too!!”.

Here is the breakdown Nicholas sent me:

“So we all know that LSU and Bama are gearing up for a 1 vs 2 battle of the ages.  Oh really?  Well in my opinion the Wisconsin Badgers and Russel Wilson would butt-rape them harder than a 6′-4” Bear on an unsuspecting twink.  Let’s be honst…these teams are a direct result of a weak schedule and NOT because of their aptitude on offense, stellar coaching, supreme baby-eating talent, defense fortitude, or beast mode capabilities.  No.  These teams are just ranked that way because they are in the SEC.

Now, you see man, I went to UGA.  But I always bet against them.  I would argue with the Inspector all the time about how shitty Richt is or how bad David Green was.  The only 3 players in UGA history I ever liked were DJ Shockley, Knowshon Moreno, and Joe T III.  I’m a college football realist.  And that’s why I love Wisconsin.

But, back to the breakdown.  If I had to guess, I would say LSU wins this game, man.  They are battle hardened.  The quality of opponents they have played this year is much better than Alabama.  In fact let me make this easy for you in a chart breakdown:

LSU                                              BAMA

QB’s                                       X

RB                                                                                                  X

WR’s                                     X

DEF                                   PUSH                                             PUSH

COACHING                                                                                X

INTANGIBLES                 X

TEAM                                  X

 

So in other words, LSU is more battle tested and has the better overall offense.  I look for LSU to get a couple of scores early and let their defense try to contain Richardson.  The true battle for the game, however will be the battle between Bama’s O-Line and LSU’s D-Line.  If they can’t keep the LSU bigguns off of Mccarron, it is gonna be a long night Bama fans.

Score: 24-10 LSU.   Or better yet, I’ll post a picture that will graphically represent my thoughts on this game:

Growing Up in Alabama, I've Had Access to a Plethora of Chinese Buffets

 

So there……man.”

-Inspector G

 

THIS JUST IN: Nick Marshall Runs Wild on the Aggies!!!

Reporting to you from the future, at exactly 3:43 PM on Saturday November 5, 2011 on site at Sanford Stadium where the scene here was nothing but straight domination.  Nick Marshall rushed for 219 yards and 4 scores today as the Dawgs butt-rape the New Mexico St Aggies 64-7.

Marshall’s performance was quite unexpected, yet much appreciated as UGA’s regular tailbacks were suspended for violating team rules smoking the sticky.  While the entire UGA back field has more than 40 yards a piece (Harton 42, Murray 41, and Ogletree 43) it was Marshall with his 6 carry scoring-machine performance that sent the crowd into a very hyped-up impregnating fiesta frenzy.

Fueled by Marshall’s performance, the Dawgs Defense allowed 0 points, 4 interceptions, 10 tackles for a loss, and all of that was from Jarvis Jones alone.

Going forward, Mike Bobo has a tough choice to make in the coming weeks as to who to start.  While Crowell has been quite the amazing freshman, Marshall has shown not only his ability to tote the rock, but also an ability not to give stupid as shit interviews, breaking team rules, and bitching about play calling.

MEANWHILE:

Truth be told, much to my chagrin, I doubt Marshall will even get the ball or if he even can be a RB.  But, something interesting and quite scary that you all should be thinking about is that Crowell is walking a razor thin line.  Don’t mistake what I’m saying to be throwing this kid under the bus, but here are some glaring issues that could be tale-tale signs of a Washaun Ealey on steroids:

1) Has had discipline issues since pretty much day 1

2) Has been overheard chirping about Bobo’s play calling

3) Has made mention several times about how “difficult” school is

4) Can’t interview worth a damn.

5) This latest suspension

I know he’s young and he’s not probably been exposed to the finer things in etiquette, manners, and proper ways of doing things, but he has to realize that if this keeps up and he continues to put himself above the team he will become an Ealey and will be forgotten.  Especially if Keith Marshall comes here.  Who is Keith Marshall?  The Nation’s no1 RB coming out of highschool right now who is heavily considering UGA.

I just hope that Crowell understands what being a student athlete means and what it is to be a Bulldawg.  I just hope he learns his lesson sooner rather than later when he has to transfer to UT-Martin.

NOTE: When I say ‘Nick Marshall’, I mean Nick Marshall currently on the Dawgs squad.  When I say ‘Keith Marhsall’,  I mean Keith Marshall HS RB from Northkerlina.

Just for shits, Keith Marshall highlights:

-Inspector G

 

‘Keyes’ to the Game: Dandy Vandy Edition

K- Keeping

E- Errbody

Y -Young

E- ‘En

S-Sexy

God Damn Right, I Love The Grand 'Ole Opry!

As I walk up the Bob’s Country Bunker in Nashville, TN I see this man taking tickets at the door.  He is just singing the praises of the singer they have tonight.  I look back at the sign which reads: “AK47 and the Hoochie Coochie Dip Spitting Pistol Whippin’ Ghetto Cheerleaders”.  I thought to myself, “What in the hell has Alan got me into this time?  What is this? Rap night?”.

Bob's Country Bunker Circa 1978

I walk into Bob’s Country Bunker, and lo and behold, there is Alan Keyes singing George Straight’s classic hit, “You Better Baby Your Baby.”  His back-up singers consisted of 1 black girl, 1 indian girl, and one white tranny (who had the best voice of them all if I’m being honest).  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  The following transcript is what occured right after that song ended:

Keyes: Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you! Thank you!  We’re taking a break and we’ll be right back…

*We exit into a back room that honestly reminded me of a rape portal*

Inspector G: “So what to you have for me this week, Keyes?”

Keyes: “Well, well, well….isn’t it awful to know I’m right and you’re wrong?”

Inspector G: “What are you doing?  You going ‘nanna nanna boo-boo’ on me right now?  For real?  Besides, I’ve been quite fond of your ‘Keyes’ to the game and have talked you up.”

Keyes: “Ha!  I hear that.  I also heard you actually half-way convinced some chick at Amici in Athens that these little chats we have were, in fact, real.”

Inspector G: “I know of the woman of which you speak.  There is a possibility that this is true.”

Keyes: “Well, anyways here are my Keys To The Game:  As you know, UGA’s offense (and its coordinator) have been heavily scrutinized as of late for their underwhelming do-what-you-need-to-win-and-keep-the-points-differential-within-2-scores mantra.  I think some fans and pundits need to take a step back and remember that there is no reason to push things down the field so much and score 50+ a game when your defense is manhandling absolutely monkey-stomping the fuck out of the opposition and leaving the wounded behind.

In such a scenario, there is no need to ‘go deep’ all the time, sustain short quick scoring drives for points that may or may not yield enough risk/reward for the cause.  Look, Bobo called the deep shots several times, but Murray only hit on 2.  And that’s ok.  The point is to use up as much clock as possible and then that time on the scoreboard represents just as much of an enemy as a 20 point lead (although that, just for once, would be nice).  I look for the offense to continue running the ball, setting up play action for a couple of deep balls.  I have a sneaking suspicion that Murray will connect on a few and Vandy will be out of this game before they can get a touchdown on offense (which if you’ve been paying attention, their TD’s come FEW and VERY FAR between).  I see Crowell getting the bulk of the carries in the first half, hopefully racking up close to a hundred and a score, then resting him for Samuel and Thomas.  We need him 110% for Florida, you know.

As for the Defense: I shall sum this up in one picture and one only:

UGA=Goldberg, Vandy Offense=Asshat Schmuck

Special teams: Punt, Kick, Field, Return.  No fumbles, no shanks, no muffs.  NO BLOCKS IN THE BACKS.  Blake Sailors for president.

That is all.  It’s time to go back to my set.  I’ll dedicate this one to you…

Inspector G: Really guy?  Really?

Go Dawgs!

-Inspector G

 

‘Keyes’ To The Game: Big Sucking Orange Edition

“…Voice mail recording.  1 New Message…New Message from: ‘BIIIG DADDDY KEYES, BITCH!’ …30 seconds…’Inspector, it’s me Alan.  Alan Keyes…ha!  I’m drunk at a Sonny’s BBQ in Dallas!  I’m gonna be late for our interview tomorrow, but meet me at the Gymboree in Roswell Thursday at 9!  Oh and Inspector, inspect this (farts into the phone)!….end of messages.”

Cornelius Washington, We Are Brothers in Strife!

 

Inspector G: “Honestly I can’t seem to figure out why we meet in these places.  I feel uncomfortable here especially.  Gymboree?  You’re an odd man. AND you were drunk last night.”

Keyes: “Yes, I was.  I wanna give a huge shout out to Belinda Dobbs and the whole crew at Sonny’s BBQ in Dallas for setting me up nicely and not calling the cops when I puked in the salad bar.  But, moving on…

The dawgs have a tough test this week.  So many variables.  So many possible pitfalls.  Yet so much opportunity to have their first beat-down of a team all year.  Yep, you heard me right.  If some cards fall early for the dawgs and they control the turnovers on offense, I think they are poised for a rout of the Tennessee Volunteers Road-side workers.

Let’s start with the offense.  This group has not been stellar, but has been efficient.  Lately, points have come early yet efficiently.  I know everyone is worried about Murray and the turnovers, but he still is 17th nationally in passer efficiency and is on pace to throw more touchdowns than last year.  I know the turnovers hurt, but all you can really do is trust one of the best QB’s in the Nation to lead the offense down the field.  Also, it is just a matter of time until Crowell starts breaking them off:  30+ yards TD runs.  He was super close last week and honestly, with that much talent and the amount of carries he has been getting, you shouldn’t be surprised.  UGA’s offense is much better than UT’s defense.  Scores SHOULD come often.

Defense, well, here is the biggest key lies.  Yes, they have been playing lights out the past tow weeks, but the threat level midnight of this UT offense is much greater with Bray and Da’Rick than what the dawgs have faced since Boise.  With that being said, the defense has been tested and has so far come away much improved, disciplined, and more solid from last year.  Grantham has been getting pressure without having to dial-up exotic blitzes which has left our secondary to really cover without being undermanned. Washington being out does hurt.  But hey, when a door closes….welcome to the show, Ray Drew.  I really can’t say enough about the improved secondary play and I’m really interested to see how Commings, Boykin, Rambo, Smith, and Williams do against Tennessee’s all-world mildly overrated receiving corps.  If they can cover well, get a couple of early picks, count this game up to a circa 2005 style beat-down.  If not, I hope the offense can play enough mistake-free ball to put it away.

Special Teams:  Yeah, Walsh (again) still seems to have the shanks, but I’ll bet he might have received some tips from ol’ Kevin Butler.  Let’s see if he can pull out of it.  Speaking of Kevin, his son continues to punt with great effectiveness and it will be called upon again this game to continue.  One more thing: Boykin is due.  He has been several shoe string tackles away from breaking several.  Here’s to the hope that they kick it to him.

Ok, now it’s time to go play in the ball pit!”

Inspector G: “Well at least I didn’t have to remind you about what this interview was about this time.”

Keyes: “Ok, who farted? Was it you?”

*Note:   My one wish in the game (besides a victory) is to see Da’rick Rogers come over on a crossing route, catch it, be devastatingly hit by Rambo to which the ball comes loose, and Sanders Commings picking it into that checked bullshit end-zone.

-Inspector G