dabbbbbo swinnnnneyyyyy

The Gambler, week 10

We’d like to formally apologize for the Gambler’s absence last week. He was in the wilderness thinning out the deer population using his controversial “drop outta the tree on top of him and snap his fucking neck” technique.

Anyways, Kenny is back this week with his notable week 10 college football wager lines. He’s also been sending taunts and threatening text messages to Josh Nesbitt.

I was raised on the dairy, bitch.

#17 OKLAHOMA STATE -7.5 VS. #21 BAYLOR
The Cowboys’ offense is nearly as impressive as Oregon’s WARP SPEED™ offense. OSU is averaging 526 yards per game which amounts to #3 nationally in points per game. I think the Bears are outmanned in this one.

CLEMSON -3.5 VS. #25 N.C. STATE
Is Dabo stock up or down? Sell, hold, or buy? Expect the ACC’s parity and unpredictability to claim its next victim: NC State.

#10 LSU +6.5 @ #6 ALABAMA
I said the same thing about Alabama-Tennessee a few weeks back and ended up eating my words, but I’ve got the same gut feel about this game. Close with lots of gambles, but only by Les Miles. One of these will pay off and the Tigers may pull of the upset because everyone associated with Alabama’s football program is too busy paying attention to the Cam Newton situation. Finebaum is actually circle-jerking on air RIGHT NOW with a caller from Talladega who is likely a laid off forklift operator with methamphetamine in his system.

HI THERE MISTER FINE-BAUUUUUM  LOVE YOU AND YOUR SHOW BY THE WAY THIS IS MARTY SKINNER FROM TALLADEGA. LONG TIME LISTENER FIRST TIME CALLER, HEH. I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT YEW THANK BOUT THEM (redacted) CHICKEN-TIGER-EAGLES FROM AUBURN AND THEIR CHEATIN’ QUARTERBACK TAKIN ALL THAT MONEY FROM POOR OL’ COWBELLERS.

#18 ARKANSAS +4 @ #19 SAKERLINA
Both of these teams are coming off of victories over the SEC’s bottom feeders (aka the great state of Tennessee) with Arkansas clearly having the better day. Carolina has played the SEC west better than anyone from the east so far this season so this could go either way.

MID-MAJOR SHITSTORM:

#5 UTAH +4.5 VS. #3 TCU
Gary Patterson’s squad heads to Mormonland to take on the Utes without their starting NT Kelly Griffin who is out with a season-ending ankle injury. As Georgia fans well know, dominant play from the NT position goes a long way so this one could go the way of the Ute.

HAWAII +21 @ #4 BOISE STATE
This is the first of two stumbling blocks left on the Broncos’ schedule. It’s unlikely that Hawaii will win straight-up, but I can pray. Last night I was torn between rooting against GT (because their fans do it to us) and rooting against VT (to squash Boise’s BCS dreams). Such a catch-22.