Pleadin’ Da Fif, Cam Newton Style…

Financial Aid.
“If at any time before or after matriculation in a member institution a student-athlete or any member of his/her family receives or agrees to receive, directly or indirectly, any aid or assistance beyond or in addition to that permitted by the Bylaws of this Conference (except such aid or assistance as such student-athlete may receive from those persons on whom the student is naturally or legally dependent for support), such student-athlete shall be ineligible for competition in any intercollegiate sport within the Conference for the remainder of his/her college career.”

This is so ridiculous.  This is so out of control, so unfair, so f-ing glaring that Stevie Wonder could tell you that it is wrong.  If you have been living under the ‘College Football News’ rock, Auburn declared Cam Newton ineligible on Monday, just for the NCAA to conveniently conclude their investigation of Cam-Gate and declare him eligible without any strings attached.  ‘Why is that a big deal, Inspector G?  That means he didn’t do anything, right?’ Um…no.  Let’s review what the NCAA League of Nation Keystone Cops Investigators did find:

FACT: Cecil Newton (Cam’s shameful, pathetic, excuse for a minister father) DID IN FACT TAKE PART IN A ‘PAY-TO-PLAY’ AGREEMENT FOR CAM!!!

FACT:  The NCAA knows the aforementioned about Cam Newton’s faja

FACT: Cam’s services were solicited, marketed, and probably sold to Auburn by his father.

FACT: The NCAA had this to say (paraphrased, of course):

Auburn University football student-athlete Cam Newton is immediately eligible to compete, according to a decision today by the NCAA student-athlete reinstatement staff. The NCAA concluded on Monday that a violation of amateurism rules occurred, therefore Auburn University declared the student-athlete ineligible yesterday for violations of NCAA amateurism rules.When a school discovers an NCAA rules violation has occurred, it must declare the student-athlete ineligible and may request the student-athlete’s eligibility be reinstated. Reinstatement decisions are made by the NCAA national office staff and can include conditions such as withholding from competition and repayment of extra benefits. Newton was reinstated without any conditions.”

So let me get this straight…any family member, legal guardian, representative, teacher, High School Football Coach, prostitute, homeless person, or a minister can solicit, market, and demand payment for an amateur collegiate athlete, but as long as they send said athlete out of the room when they do it, his eligibility will not be questioned?  Alright then, in that case, look for the aforementioned group of people to start “gettin’ mines” type attitudes when their athletes start being recruited.

I cannot believe this has happened.  The NCAA has lost complete control.  They have lost every shred of integrity they have left.  The leadership should be ripped out of their over-priced chairs, flogged, and given my stomach virus I had over Thanksgiving.


And to you stupid ass Auburn fan out there: thinking this is over and that it is a fair ruling, I implore you to use your shitty education to think about everything that has happened.  Think how negligent and obtuse this decision is….now, imagine Cam Newton was playing for Alabama.

“Inspector G! Inspector G!  What should we do?”  I’ll tell you: call and write the NCAA.  I have already left them 2 very cordial and professional voice messages and am also sending them a heart-felt letter.  I suggest you do the same. And since I love y’all so much, here is their contact information:

The National Collegiate Athletic Association
700 W. Washington Street
P.O. Box 6222
Indianapolis, Indiana 46206-6222

Phone: 317/917-6222
Fax: 317/917-6888

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. And yes, I know I mentioned ‘aforementioned’ twice in this post.

-Inspector G