Auburn: London Bridge Aint Got Shit on You

Pleadin’ Da Fif, Cam Newton Style…

Financial Aid.
“If at any time before or after matriculation in a member institution a student-athlete or any member of his/her family receives or agrees to receive, directly or indirectly, any aid or assistance beyond or in addition to that permitted by the Bylaws of this Conference (except such aid or assistance as such student-athlete may receive from those persons on whom the student is naturally or legally dependent for support), such student-athlete shall be ineligible for competition in any intercollegiate sport within the Conference for the remainder of his/her college career.”

This is so ridiculous.  This is so out of control, so unfair, so f-ing glaring that Stevie Wonder could tell you that it is wrong.  If you have been living under the ‘College Football News’ rock, Auburn declared Cam Newton ineligible on Monday, just for the NCAA to conveniently conclude their investigation of Cam-Gate and declare him eligible without any strings attached.  ‘Why is that a big deal, Inspector G?  That means he didn’t do anything, right?’ Um…no.  Let’s review what the NCAA League of Nation Keystone Cops Investigators did find:

FACT: Cecil Newton (Cam’s shameful, pathetic, excuse for a minister father) DID IN FACT TAKE PART IN A ‘PAY-TO-PLAY’ AGREEMENT FOR CAM!!!

FACT:  The NCAA knows the aforementioned about Cam Newton’s faja

FACT: Cam’s services were solicited, marketed, and probably sold to Auburn by his father.

FACT: The NCAA had this to say (paraphrased, of course):

Auburn University football student-athlete Cam Newton is immediately eligible to compete, according to a decision today by the NCAA student-athlete reinstatement staff. The NCAA concluded on Monday that a violation of amateurism rules occurred, therefore Auburn University declared the student-athlete ineligible yesterday for violations of NCAA amateurism rules.When a school discovers an NCAA rules violation has occurred, it must declare the student-athlete ineligible and may request the student-athlete’s eligibility be reinstated. Reinstatement decisions are made by the NCAA national office staff and can include conditions such as withholding from competition and repayment of extra benefits. Newton was reinstated without any conditions.”

So let me get this straight…any family member, legal guardian, representative, teacher, High School Football Coach, prostitute, homeless person, or a minister can solicit, market, and demand payment for an amateur collegiate athlete, but as long as they send said athlete out of the room when they do it, his eligibility will not be questioned?  Alright then, in that case, look for the aforementioned group of people to start “gettin’ mines” type attitudes when their athletes start being recruited.

I cannot believe this has happened.  The NCAA has lost complete control.  They have lost every shred of integrity they have left.  The leadership should be ripped out of their over-priced chairs, flogged, and given my stomach virus I had over Thanksgiving.


And to you stupid ass Auburn fan out there: thinking this is over and that it is a fair ruling, I implore you to use your shitty education to think about everything that has happened.  Think how negligent and obtuse this decision is….now, imagine Cam Newton was playing for Alabama.

“Inspector G! Inspector G!  What should we do?”  I’ll tell you: call and write the NCAA.  I have already left them 2 very cordial and professional voice messages and am also sending them a heart-felt letter.  I suggest you do the same. And since I love y’all so much, here is their contact information:

The National Collegiate Athletic Association
700 W. Washington Street
P.O. Box 6222
Indianapolis, Indiana 46206-6222

Phone: 317/917-6222
Fax: 317/917-6888

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. And yes, I know I mentioned ‘aforementioned’ twice in this post.

-Inspector G

Hardly Fair’ley’…

You all saw that bullshit at the end of the game.  I did too.  Captain had a profanity laced tirade that I heard while I was showering, we promptly broke a coffee table.

That mother fucker Fairley was dirty, unconscionable, and down right heinous.  And now after all that happened, he is not even going to be suspended for his part in “Operation Injure Aaron Murray 2010”.

As you may or may not recall, our own Ben Jones was heavily scrutinized when he had an illegal chop block on a player in the MSU game.  The next week, the SEC with Richt on board (and rightly so) suspended Ben for a half.  What did Fairley get for something even more egregious? That’s right, not a recommended suspension frm Mike ‘Doo-doo Pants’ Slive and the SEC.  Nope, his discipline will be handled ‘internally’.  Now this internal handling will be by the same classless asshole who riled up his team an added fuel to the fire during the “scuffle’.  Chizick.  That’s right, the enabler.

Mike “Doo-doo Pants” Slive has shown two things in the past week: 1) He has no regard for protection quarterbacks in the SEC whose names aren’t Mallett or Newton  and 2) well Pontius Pilate* his way through damning circumstances.  If this guy thinks he is providing good, strong, and unbiased leadership, he is on par with Obama thinking Healthcare was a good idea.

But lets not forget who let all of the Fairley mess get out of control: The SEC Refs.  For being the most premier Conference in the land, they sure do have a shitty collections of refs.  From the Arkansas mis-call last and AJ Green’s celebration last year, to this Fairley debacle this year, they ought to be revamped like a hookers lady parts.  But I digress, this also speaks volumes of our ‘fearless’ leader, Doo-Doo Slive.

And to the Auburn fans out there: FUUUCCKKK You!  You can’t defend the indefensible.  You can’t go back and say, ‘well he was blocked int o Murray’, you can’t honestly sit there and tell me UGA started that.  When Caleb King gives an after game quote that said “We were tired of the 30 [personal fouls] that weren’t called” against Auburn, you CAN’T DEFEND IT.  In this guy’s eyes, you have turned this from a friendly rivalry to a fuck fest and once the FBI and NCAA comes down on your beloved University, I will be the one dancing in the end zone.

I was going to knock out a profanity laced tirade, but I just couldn’t do it.  Hopefully this provided some insight, if not, go back to Auburn.

-Inspector G

PS, I’m pissed Toomer’s Corner wasn’t burned to the fucking ground.  This is not a fmaily site, so I’m not going to pretend that it is.

*Pulling a Pontius Pilate is washing your hands clean and giving a ‘will I didn’t do it’ attitude, maybe I should now call it pulling a Slive.