THIS JUST IN: Nick Marshall Runs Wild on the Aggies!!!

Reporting to you from the future, at exactly 3:43 PM on Saturday November 5, 2011 on site at Sanford Stadium where the scene here was nothing but straight domination.  Nick Marshall rushed for 219 yards and 4 scores today as the Dawgs butt-rape the New Mexico St Aggies 64-7.

Marshall’s performance was quite unexpected, yet much appreciated as UGA’s regular tailbacks were suspended for violating team rules smoking the sticky.  While the entire UGA back field has more than 40 yards a piece (Harton 42, Murray 41, and Ogletree 43) it was Marshall with his 6 carry scoring-machine performance that sent the crowd into a very hyped-up impregnating fiesta frenzy.

Fueled by Marshall’s performance, the Dawgs Defense allowed 0 points, 4 interceptions, 10 tackles for a loss, and all of that was from Jarvis Jones alone.

Going forward, Mike Bobo has a tough choice to make in the coming weeks as to who to start.  While Crowell has been quite the amazing freshman, Marshall has shown not only his ability to tote the rock, but also an ability not to give stupid as shit interviews, breaking team rules, and bitching about play calling.

MEANWHILE:

Truth be told, much to my chagrin, I doubt Marshall will even get the ball or if he even can be a RB.  But, something interesting and quite scary that you all should be thinking about is that Crowell is walking a razor thin line.  Don’t mistake what I’m saying to be throwing this kid under the bus, but here are some glaring issues that could be tale-tale signs of a Washaun Ealey on steroids:

1) Has had discipline issues since pretty much day 1

2) Has been overheard chirping about Bobo’s play calling

3) Has made mention several times about how “difficult” school is

4) Can’t interview worth a damn.

5) This latest suspension

I know he’s young and he’s not probably been exposed to the finer things in etiquette, manners, and proper ways of doing things, but he has to realize that if this keeps up and he continues to put himself above the team he will become an Ealey and will be forgotten.  Especially if Keith Marshall comes here.  Who is Keith Marshall?  The Nation’s no1 RB coming out of highschool right now who is heavily considering UGA.

I just hope that Crowell understands what being a student athlete means and what it is to be a Bulldawg.  I just hope he learns his lesson sooner rather than later when he has to transfer to UT-Martin.

NOTE: When I say ‘Nick Marshall’, I mean Nick Marshall currently on the Dawgs squad.  When I say ‘Keith Marhsall’,  I mean Keith Marshall HS RB from Northkerlina.

Just for shits, Keith Marshall highlights:

-Inspector G

 

WTF!? Story of the Week…

This little ditty includes a white male, fire bombing, and a Taco Bell….hmmm….sounds fun!

http://www.ajc.com/news/report-man-fire-bombs-1211500.html

The man, who has not been identified, called the restaurant complaining because his chalupas didn’t have enough meat,WALB Channel 10 in Albany reported.

Arson investigators will now look at phone records to determine the identity of the man who called the Taco Bell early Sunday and threatened to “redecorate” and made racial slurs, according to the report. Later Sunday, someone threw a Molotov cocktail at the drive-through window.

Didn’t have a picture, so I invented this montage:

THIS

 

PLUS THIS

 

EQUALS THIS

 

BECAUSE NOT ENOUGH OF THIS

 

WAS IN THIS

 

WTF!?

 

-Inspector G

Learn How To Celebrate…

I’m sure you’ve heard it by now, but Crowell, Thomas, and Malcome are suspended for violating team rules.  I’m not saying yet that they got caught partying, drinking, sexting, whatever but who knows.

Also, Samuel IV is out for the rest of the season due to an ankle injury.  Great timing fellas….great fucking timing.

At least we’re playing New Mexico State.  And since I am always looking at the bright-side of things, at least we don’t have to worry about them breaking an ankle or destroying a knee in a cupcake fiesta.

You heard it here first, look Saturday for a little Brandon Harton but some 2 back set with Zander Ogletree and Big Figgs.

-Inspector G

A Note From The Inspector

As I write this note, I am departing not for Jacksonville for the Cocktail Party, but for New Orleans for one of my good friend’s bachelor party.  I know, I know, I know…I even received a call from another friend of mine who offered up a free ticket to the game.  To make matters even worse, I may be the only real UGA fan that is going on this trip.  One or two may be a supporter of UGA Athletics, but none match yours truly.

As a result, I’m sure I’ll get some sort of blowback when I advise them I will be MIA while watching the game from 3:30 to 6:30 tomorrow afternoon.  Truth be told, I’ve become so accustomed to (much to my chagrin) losing this one, that although I may have hope, I can’t be confident or too excited about this game.

I was at home writing my “Keyes to the game” and I just deleted it.  Not because it wasn’t funny or good, but because I’m just so tired of losing to Florida that I can’t bring myself to post something funny about the keys to the game.

Here are the keys to the game as simple and as honest as I can put it:  Execute, hit them in the mouth, repeat.  That’s a recipe for success in this game, period.  Be man enough to win Georgia!

This sums up my feelings if we are man enough to win tomorrow: “I don’t know where I’ll be then, Rock”, he said – “but I’ll know about it – and I’ll be happy.” (from ‘Win One for the Gipper’)

NOTE:   I’m not predicting a win for us until we actually do win, regardless of what we ‘should’ do.

-Inspector G

THE GAMBLER, WEEK 9

Welcome kiddies to THE GAMBLER’S week 9 college football notable picks as selected by Kenny “Mountain Goat Balls” Rogers. Kenny’d like to apologize for his dismal 4-5 showing in last week’s picks and vows to help you earn back some of those gamblin’ losses this time around. Step aside Tony Barnhart and let the real Mr. College Football show you how it’s done.

#5 CLEMSON -4.5 vs. GEORGIA TECH
The Ramblin’ Wreck offense has been running on fumes over the past two games against two teams that it should have beaten (Virginia and Miami). All of the national pundits have this game pegged as a GT upset win over Clemson but MAGICAL DABO POWERS supersede the not so magical PAUL JOHNSON MEAN-MUG. However, Clemson has been suspect as shit in rushing defense and is without starting tailback Andre Ellington so this pick is likely as safe as running around in Afghanistan wearing nothing but a US flag as a cape and a massive black strap-on king dong. With that being said, Clemson is very 2010 Auburn-esque so ride the Tiger the rest of the way.

JOIN ME ON THE TOKE TRAIN TO NEW ORLEANS BRO

#11 MICHIGAN STATE +5.5 vs. #14 NEBRASKA 
Michigan State > Wisconsin > Nebraska. Am I right? GUYS? That’s how it works RIGHT??? Denard Robinson and Russell Wilson couldn’t do it… GOOD LUCK TAYLOR MARTINEZ HAHAHAHA

VANDY +9 vs. #10 ARKANSAS
Not gonna take a chance here with Arkansas since they shit the bed last week in Oxford. The Commodes (heh) have a bit of confidence after scaring Georgia two weeks ago and putting up 344 rushing yards against Army last week. Take Vandy at home to cover here.

#3 OKLAHOMA STATE -14 vs. BAYLOR
The #2 and #3 total offenses meet in this one OH LOOK THE 2004 LIBERTY BOWL ALL OVER AGAIN YET STILL NOT A SINGLE FUCK IS BEING GIVEN

#9 OKLAHOMA -13 vs. #8 KANSAS STATE
Oklahoma matches up very well against pro-style and traditional offenses so this one should be a gimme for Bobby Stoops’ squad. Kansas State doesn’t have the passing prowess of Texas Tech to pull off the W in this one. EVERYONE LOL @ A WILLIE MARTINEZ COACHED SECONDARY! Also, the Wildcats have been outgained in every game so far this season with the exception of the Kansas game. But that doesn’t really count since Kansas fields a team with only two actual players and twenty mannequins.

#23 AUBURN -12.5 vs. OLE MISS
Hmm…. not sure if serious…

TENNESSEE +3.5 vs. #13 SOUTH CAROLINA
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

SOUTHERN CAL +7.5 vs. #6 STANFORD
Lane Kiffin has effectively moistened the panties of Andrew Luck with all of that gushing, oohing, and awwing about him in interviews over the past week. This will distract Stanford enough to somehow blow a game against a Lane Kiffin team (plz ignore UGA-TENN score from 2009).

OHIO STATE +7 vs. #15 WISCONSIN
Just because Wisconsin is mad doesn’t mean they’re going to win, Trevor Matich. BAUSER-POWER will prevail over the “buzzsaw” in this one.

COCKTAIL PARTY PICK AKA PISSFUCK UGA YOU BEST WIN

GEORGIA -2.5 vs. FLORIDA
Fuck Florida. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, both teams horribly need this win. Georgia needs it to keep Coach Richt and Florida needs it to prevent spiraling down the toilet like a tampon riddled with TSS.

CELEBRITY POWER RANKINGS, WEEK 9

The Celebrity Power Rankings are back after a week-long hiatus and we take you all the way out to Hollywood to get our celebrity guest rankings. Take it away, Mr. Zach Braff.

Hello there, fans. I want to thank Hail to Thee for bestowing this great honor upon me and I hope I don’t let any of my fans down! I’m an avid college football watcher so I’m sure my rankings won’t disappoint! Just post a comment if you’ve got any qualms with my choices!

1. USC
These Trojans are a nasty bunch led by a dear friend of mine, Pete Carroll.

2. LSU
The Tigers own wins over five ranked teams (at the time played) already this season. This team is scalding heauxt right now!

3. ALABAMA
I really like the Crimson Tide’s chances of winning the Super Bowl if they can get past LSU in two weeks.

Coach Saban's reaction to getting a parking ticket this week in Birmingham

4. OREGON
HUGE fan of Cliff Harris. He’ll be enjoying a scooter soon, just like me!

5. GARDEN STATE
My character in this movie portrays a retarded quarterback so I feel that I should rank it.

6. BOSTON COLLEGE
What a beautiful city.

7. CLEMSON
I, too, am a supporter of Michelle Obama.

 

8. OHIO STATE
Always a mainstay here in the top 10.

9. DONALD FAISON
My best friend and former Scrubs co-worker sure looks like he could play college football, doesn’t he?

10. WEST VIRGINIA
My 10th spot is always reserved for an honorary team and this time around it is the West Virginia Mountaineers. Good luck to the Mountaineers after being adopted by the Big 12.

Beat Florida…Pep Talk

As most of you who know my true identity, know that I have played this great game.  I still do, in my head.  That’s why I, of all authors here at HTT, have the chops to write this pep talk.

If I were on the UGA Football team, getting ready in Jax right before the game, this is what I would say:

“Get in here!   Get your asses over here!  Now listen you sons a bitches, I am sick and tired of all these people talking about ‘we’ve lost it’ and ‘we’re not good enough’  I’m tired of that shit.  I’m tired of coming down here every year and getting our asses handed to us!  I am tired of the bullshit ‘they’re better than we are’ mantra that goes around for this game.  That shit is over!  Do you hear me?!?  That shit is over.

Today men, we’re gonna go out there, in our white jerseys, and we’re gonna kick the shit out of those piece of shit gators from whistle to whistle.  We don’t need any gimmicks, new jerseys, or celebration penalties.  Just go out there, stick your helmet on some poor son of a bitch and let him know, as he’s having trouble getting up, that you’ll be right back on the next play.  Hit them in the mouth, again, and again, and again to where they want to quit.  Make them tired!  Make them lose contain!  Make them throw a pick! Make them know that this is not the Georgia they’re used to.  We’re not pussies tip toe’ing around any more.  This is a new era!  A new attitude!  WE DO NOT TAKE SHIT FROM ANYBODY ANY MORE!  All that talk of ‘calculated risk’ and ‘just enough to get it done’: FUCK THAT SHIT.  From snap one to snap 168 pound the guy in front of you and make him lament the fact that he even stepped on to the field today!!!

You have a chance to make all of our preseason goals come true.  No wishing, no if’s.  Let Sakerlina worry about themselves.  Because today it is ass whooping time and each of you have sold all of your tickets.  Cash them in on every single sorry piece of shit criminal they have in a blue uniform.  All the talk is now over.  All of these panty-waste pundits who couldn’t tackle out of wet paper bag can’t “analyze” the ‘what-ifs’ any more.  This is gonna happen.  Both teams are gonna step onto that field and play each other.  It’s up to you now men, to decide if these nay-sayers and fairweather fans are correct.  If they are, that means you just didn’t do what you were supposed to do and quit on yourselves and this team.  But I know that’s not gonna happen.

I want to pity these poor bastards on the opposite sidelines.  That can happen when we cram the ball down their throat drive after drive and then make them turn the ball over or punish them to get 3 and outs over and over again.  It’s time men.  It’s time for you to dominate this team, this field, both sides of the ball.  I want 60 minutes of smash-mouth football, no holds barred!  Can you do that?!  Let’s Go!”

So sue me if it sounds cheesy.  If I heard Coach Richt or Grantham say that, I would cream my pants.

-Inspector G

THE GAMBLER, WEEK 8

The Gambler rears his beautifully sculpted face again after another impressive 6-3 showing in last week’s picks. There are just three games on this week’s docket pitting ranked teams against each other so Kenny will tackle all of those, in addition to a few other notables. It’s a barren SEC schedule with UGA, USC, UF, and MSU all resting up on the couch this week. HERE WE GO.

NOTRE DAME -8.5 OVER USC
Lane Kiffin called this game Notre Dame’s Super Bowl. Not real sure what Kiffykins means there so we’ll just assume that he was time travelling from eating a gooball and still thinks he’s coaching the Raiders. As far as the game itself, a very rare night game in South Bend combined with USC’s horrific ground game equals bad news for the Trojans, who run a ton of bootlegs to mask the weakness on their OL.

#16 MICHIGAN STATE +8 OVER #6 WISCONSIN
MSU exploited Denard Robinson last week and took away the running aspect of his game. Expect much of the same with Russell Wilson vs. the Spartan D, although Wilson is a better game manager than Robinson and can make big plays with his arm. This game is in East Lansing which is the site of Wisconsin’s last regular season road loss so Sparty gets the nod to at least cover in this one.

#9 ARKANSAS -15 OVER OLE MISS
Houston Nutt has done a BANG UP JOB over in Oxford, MS hasn’t he?

GIGGITY

NORTHWESTERN +4 OVER #21 PENN STATE
The Nittany Lions have looked like shit on the road with close wins over Temple and Indiana. Also, JoePa, you are old as fuck. Seriously bro.

#2 ALABAMA -29 OVER TENNESSEE
This game reminds me of a song I once wrote called “A Poem For My Little Lady” in that Nick Saban will be courting and wooing Derek Dooley just before he prolapses that anus.

MIAMI -2.5 OVER #22 GEORGIA TECH
Paul Johnson is mad as fuck about losing to Virginia (lol) last week but it isn’t going to do any good because he’s mad as fuck all of the time. Have you ever looked at that man’s hideous, dumpy mug and thought otherwise? THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT

#20 AUBURN +22.5 OVER #1 LSU
No clue why the spread is this OUT OF CONTROL HIGH but I don’t see LSU manhandling Auburn tomorrow night with those suspensions in play.

#25 WASHINGTON +20.5 OVER #8 STANFORD
This could be a trap game for that fucking tree team. Seriously, the cardinal is a bird. Get your shit together bros I thought you were a smart school. Anyways, Keith Price has been a welcome surprise for Washington, putting up even better numbers than his now-in-the-NFL predecessor, Jake Locker. Stanford hasn’t played a team with a better than .500 record yet this season so this should be a test for them.

GAMBLER’S “EASY AS A GIRL WITH THE COVINGTON CUT” PICK OF THE WEEK

#10 OREGON -30.5 OVER COLORADO
Colorado is FUCKING AWFUL and by that I mean FUCKING AWFUL. In literally every aspect of being on the field. The Buffs are 114th in scoring offense and 95th in scoring defense. That will certainly not get the job done. The Pac-12 picking up Colorado is akin to the SEC inviting Memphis to the club.

Before we go, we’re hoping you got a chance to watch the Arizona-UCLA game last night. IT WAS AWESOME.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDhM_-GwwLI

 

What the Dawgs are saying, Slow ya role

It’s Wednesday and while you’re working hard wishing it was October 29, 2011, lets be honest any work that isn’t done already won’t get done until monday. I hope this tickles your fancy for the day while we all rationalize why Grantham didn’t rip that fucktard in Nashville a new one. Wait, he already did. James Franklin reminds me of that kid in class who would never give you that one answer for your homework and then got mad when no one picked him up for their team in P.E. (Ok, so I needed all the answers for homework, but you get it) Any who, I’ll be posting tweets that just made me feel warm, like your first Christmas sweater.

Race jokes? Ha, classic.

Translation, hell I don't know but i like it

Guarantee you he has Jorts .

So Vandy is a... Rival now?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I just loved this nugget “RT @Bigjohn481: Smh the ref said to me he was gonna flag me cause I body slammed the rb lol that’s what I like to do thou…” thats via Marc Weiszer twitter.

THE SLOW YA ROLE TWEET UH DA WEAK

Black folks make cotton jokes?

So while you recover from what was surely just an amazing experience from the above content, let me take the time to say I think we have something special in Athens. This week’s bye week comes at a perfect time for such a young team, guys are banged up and now the “Dream Team” has experienced half of a season in the SEC. I know I know, with the exception of Sakerlina we didn’t exactly play the strongest SEC teams. But it isn’t like having the strongest schedule is necessarily a good thing, ask Florida. Looking back I am glad what happened in Nashville happened, Grantham and Co. are going to coach the guys up on defense. And you know after Grantham stood up for them, the defense is going to come out hotter than two rats fucking in a tube sock. Those guys have been playing out of their minds all year and with Alec Ogletree and Cornelius Washington back it is going to be interesting to see what Florida can do with injuries that have resulted in a one dimensional offense. And Bobo…. Well I don’t know what the fuck he is doing, but I hadn’t walked a day in the guys shoes and if Richt still has confidence in him then I am in like Flint. Florida’s defense is young upfront so I will be interested to see if they do some silent counts trying to draw guys offsides that is, of course, if the O-line shows discipline. (i.e. 3 and 57, Justin Anderson) Malcolm Mitchell getting healthy on the offensive side of the ball gives a legit deep threat again and arguably the best hands on the team. Crowell getting healthy, whether they admit he is banged up or not, is priceless. Yeah just like those credit card commercials. He is do for another big game after a few productive but not Crowell-like performances and all I can think about is Moreno going off in ’07 against Florida. The emergence of Marlon Brown couldn’t have come soon enough, it feels like he has been here forever and all you here is how good he is at practice. Practice? Oh yea thats where Shaq made free throws…

Jedi Drew