Is it Rolex Time?
La la ladies and Gentleman! Welcome to the show. It’s a week before gameday kickoff 2012 and you know what that means: HTT is back! We’re here because we want to be here. We’re here because the chicks dig it. We’re here because no one else has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
And there you have it folks. Our new slogan: “Hey, we’re just saying what everyone else is thinking…”
This year there will be some of your favorites: my analysis, Captain’s whimsical innappropriateness, Jedi’s new bag (since breaking in his HTT cherry last year). Oh yeah, you’re favorite characters will be back as well: Kenny Rogers, Alan Keyes, The Macho Man…who knows, we may be adding some more.
Remember, we do this for fun and we do it for all of you who take the time to click here. We appreciate you.
Season starts in 10 days. Prepare your anus.
I really am savoring this victory over Tech. For one, it just felt good to beat them, but honestly I am just awe struck by how hard this team has worked to stay together despite the “Richt on the hot seat’ meme and those 2 devastating losses.
I’ll have some more in depth stuff for tomorrow….but for now these quick hitters will have to do:
– Murray is much more in sync with his footwork when he trusts his OL.
-Chris Conley is turning into one helluva receiver
-I have changed my vote for the biggest offseason acquisition from Crowell to Big John Jenkins.
-Garrison Smith really did a nice job in place of Deangelo Tyson. After it gashed us a couple of times, he completely blew up those slant hand-offs.
-Todd Grantham for President
-Dick move by Johnson not letting the clock just run given 12 seconds left, but Paul Johnson is a dick.
-Speaking of dick moves, Johnson’s time-out ‘ice’ for that field goal sure did backfire didn’t it?
-Blair Walsh, I’m sorry buddy. I still love you.
-Jarvis Jones got another sack.
-Murray still needs another year to pick up the accuracy before I put him in the ‘lethal’ status.
-Orson Charles, best tight end in the Nation? Anybody?
-If Aron White dropped that TD pass he should have kept right on running right out of the stadium.
-Is it just me (besides that one pass today) or is Sanders Commings our lock-down CB?
-Tech fans are butt hurt lillies when they lose. The excuses on the blogosphere are deep, plentiful, and as usual lacking in the rational department
-Alec Ogletree looks like the defensive Megatron
I said it’s Great to Be A Georgia Bulldawg!
Kenny Rogers is back with his week six college football notables. This edition is brought to you by doppelganger Kenny Rogers who may look almost identical to the old-school doesn’t give two fucks version of Kenny, but this man is a tried and true hard ass and is on par with the psychopathy of Josef Fritzl. Anyways, that’s neither here nor there so onto the picks.
GEORGIA -1.5 OVER TENNESSEE
No homer glasses on with this pick. Tennessee cannot run the ball. Minus 9 yards of rushing against Florida, which is tied with Georgia at #7 nationally in total defense, is not going to take the pressure off of Tyler Bray. If the Georgia offense can shore up some of their mistakes, mainly turnovers and inopportune penalties, then this game is Georgia’s for the taking.
#3 OKLAHOMA -10 OVER #11 TEJAS
Texas has played a few hockey teams as competition so far this year so their numbers and record are quite misleading. Once they take the field against a battle-tested OU team, then shit will hit the fan. Expect Manny Diaz to request a transfer along with Case McCoy after Landry Jones and company get up in dem guts and start putting up some crooked numbers.
KENTUCKY +21 OVER #18 SOUTH CAROLINA
So much offensive ineptitude in this game that only a GIF can sum up what you should expect:
#15 AUBURN +10 OVER #10 ARKANSAS
Both of these teams are coming off of huge victories against ranked teams last week so neither really has a momentum advantage. This one is sure to be a close game that could go either way really. Whichever team is the least gassed on defense in the 4th quarter will likely win this one. Also, Bobby Petrino pees pants.
OHIO STATE +10.5 OVER #14 NEBRASKA
We literally have no idea who is going to start at any offensive position for Ohio State anymore, but that really doesn’t matter because their defense has generally kept them in their games and will be the case again on Saturday night. Nebraska is similar to many other 0- and 1-loss teams around the country in that they’ve inflated their stats by eating lots of sugary cupcakes made by a blue whale of a woman named Nina but then experience a horrifying scene from SAW when they face actual, real competition. We’re not sold on Nebraska anymore this year after yes, just one game.
#2 ALABAMA -29.5 OVER THE LITTLE COMMODORE THAT COULD
This is another one of those games that can be explained with a GIF:
GAMBLER’S “EASY AS A GIRL WITH THE COVINGTON CUT” PICK OF THE WEEK
#1 LSU -10 OVER #17 FLORIDA
Prepare for the human sacrifices of Driskell and company atop the tiger’s eye in the center of the field in Baton Rouge. This is one of those games where you might have thought Florida could prepare and surprise LSU, but even Charlie Weis knows his fresh fish QB’s don’t stand a chance in this one so he has literally been eating non-stop at Golden Corral since brunch this past Monday.
He was my idol when I was a kid.