So, hopefully you all remember our previously out of work speed coach, Nicholas Davis. Maybe you don’t. Here is an update to refresh your memory.
We’re all about charity here at HTT and when this beatuiful man came to us begging on hands and knees (mostly knees, though) we were happier than Sandusky in game room at a Shakey’s Pizza to give him a job. What is he good at? Who knows. I’ve heard he’s been known to impersonate Bono from U2, sing a beautiful rendition of Garth Brooks ‘Calling Baton Rouge’, eat at unconventional hours, lose mercilessly to everyone else in his fantasy football league, bitches harder than Lindsey Lohan when she’s out of blow, and loves the word ‘May-yan’.
We sent this buxom bottom out to UGA’s training camp to get the scoop on the happenings of preseason. So did he pass the test? (You have to read this out loud and in the style of a gay pageant coordinator from Dothan, Alabama for it to have its full effect) “Sure may-yan.” He says, ” Hepatitus test, right? I passed that I think. 2 A’s a B and a C”. He apparently met up with one of the comment handles here, Scooter, during ‘Chick-fi-la Gate 2012’ or what we like to call ‘Nuggets and Nom Noms’. He thought old ‘shirt over your head’ disguise would work. He should have known better. You can’t disguise a Grade-A piece of he-pussy of that quality….no sir…no way.
So here we go, on with the preseason break down: (Keep reading this in the voice)
“Ok may-yan. Here is the deal. We got a lot of depth comin’ bay-yack on both sides of the ball. Let’s start with the DEFENSE. Oh yeah! Kickin’ names and takin’ ass! Check it out: Jarvis Jones, gonna walk all over folks. This all-america, all-sec, all-stud will be wreaking havoc all season long. Get Ready! But, there is another. Yes, another. Just like in Star Wars. He is also a JJ. Jordan Jenkins that is. He will probably make a big splash in the Mizzou game, but from what I hear that kid is gonna be something special.
Looking further into the defense, as long as we can keep our guys on the field and have them not smoke the weed and drive drunk, then we should be ok. I’m really excited to see ol’ Corni Washington (he let’s me call him that because he is cornier than a fall parade in Iowa) with his hand on the ground rushing (and demolishing) slow, man-titted lineman,
Looking at the offense: Murray will never be as good as ANY QB who has ever played for the illustrious Wisconsin Badgers, but he is pretty good. It looks like he has been taking the advice from the knowledgeable and football gurus over in the AJC’s comment section and this 35 td, record breaking, all SEC QB will be taking lessons from the greatest QB of all time, Mr. Hutson Mason. With his footwork much improved from a season earlier, look for Murray to have a good year and be impressive in good games. But look to Mason to burn that red-shirt and become the GREATEST QB the world has ever seen with a 51% completion rate and 13 TD’s.
Our running back situation is just like this:
That’s right…fuckin’ in a pile. No one knows who is gettin’ it and know one knows who is takin’ it. Look for Ken Malcome to get the initial starting nod, but Gurley and Marshall should get some looks early and often.
Receivers look good. Chris Conley may one day be the first black President that I would actually vote for.
Special teams? Are you kidding? After Blair Walsh girlfriends did one of these to him:
You can’t hit the broad side of a barn when your girl fucks with your video games stuff. Apparently Starcraft 2 Beta Key Shit is for real.
So we now have a freshman punter and kicker. Ehhh…we should be fine.
There you have it. ”
Well, here we are my friends. Close to kickoff…less than 9 days away now.
Maybe you wanted a ‘Keyes to the Game’? Maybe you wanted a post that linked the best breakdowns in the Dawg Nation Blog Roll. Well today, you just get me, Inspector G. Alone with my thoughts….delivering to you the most honest blue-print for success for UGA on Saturday. You may not agree and that’s ok.
I sit here at Midnight on the Eve of this game wondering about our chances. Hell, who hasn’t had a post this week about this game? Blutarsky (as usual) has pinned exactly all of my thoughts before I could even write them. The Georgia Sports Blog has even seen some Paul Westerdawg gems. Facebook has been riddled with so many posts about this game, it’s about to shut down and here is this little ‘ole blog quietly relishing getting picked up by the dawgbone.net that has led to the most hits we’ve ever had in a month. For that we thank you. Yay! (not so quiet anymore, huh?) But, back to business…
How many times have you heard this all week, “Well, LSU is the most dominant team in the country. They’re in the BCS Championship win or lose. However, who is UGA to summon up the nuts enough to play? How does UGA even prepare for LSU? They’re too fast. Too strong. Too good. UGA is just another walk in the park for them.” Huh? You’ve heard that? So have I. Surprisingly, there are a few little pockets of the contrary out there (outside of the UGA blog rolls) that have actually given UGA a punchers chance.
To be honest, I still don’t know exactly what to think about this game yet. On one hand, we are playing a team that I have watched no less than 6 times this year and I can say that this team would wipe the floor with ’06 Florida and ’10 Auburn. They are vicious, ruthless, unrelenting, poised, talented, and are well coached. What are we?
What are we, seriously? Are we a team that has improved constantly to a point where we are actually playing our best ball right now? Or are we, as most pundits pointed out, the recipients of the Miss Congeniality Award bestowed upon the SEC Team with the weakest schedule? I can answer that second question for sure: HELL NO. UGA has played 4 ranked teams. Lost to 2 top 10 teams and beat two top 20 teams. The team hasn’t backed in to shit…
What do we have to do to win? The question of the week. Maybe the question of the year. Here is my list of what we have to do and why…
1) Be patient, but take risks. Conflicting views? Maybe, but what I mean by this is that the last time we played a team of this caliber, we tried to force so many things we didn’t have to…talkin about Boise. We know what we do well and there is no reason why we should come out and immediately do a double reverse pass back toss flea-flicker throwdown. Although a couple of well-timed trick-plays would be nice.
2) Make them have an answer for Orson. No team has really had an answer for him all year. Let’s see just how good Orson (or the LSU linebackers/DB’s) can be. He may be the best TE in the country, try him a couple of times and see what happens.
3) Receivers play smarter. Look, our freshmen “Triumvirate of Awesomeness” (Bennett, Mithcell, Conley) are good. But, they are not going to out-athlete LSU’s DB’s. They have to play smart and key on what they are giving us (just like those cut off routes against Auburn). Don’t over do it. Run clean routes and anticipate Murray having to scramble and hit you on an impromptu.
4) OL has to have their best game. Ever. In the History of Best Games. You know why. Everyone knows why.
5) Key on their aggressiveness. The 6 times I’ve watched LSU they have played so aggressive in the secondary. They feed on that aggressiveness. Burn them with it. If 3 and 4 are coming true and they start jumping routes, punish them with a pump and go. Punish them with a screen.
6) Crowell/Malcome/Thomas do not have to carry the team on their shoulders. Just be somewhat efficient. If Crowell especially can get a few nice gains early, the play action will be much more effective.
7) Murray has to have his best game. There has been much talk about Murray’s Nostradamus-esque prediction that UGA would be back to the dome. He’s a winner and leads those around him with poise, drive, and tenacity. Now, he just has to be accurate. You and I both know what happens when he gets pressured early: the footwork begins to weaken and the throws are all over the place. If he can trust Ben Jones and Co, it may get dangerous out there.
1) Stop the run with pure athleticism. And you’re all going “well no shit, Sherlock”…but wait. WITH PURE ATHLETICISM? Big John Jenkins, Geathers, Abry Jones, and Garrison Smith showed last week (and all year) they can take over a game and do some work. LSU’s offense is not this juggernaut of excellence that everyone continues to say (and yes, I know there is a point to be made about their toughness, but I’m not buying it). Get the penetration, make them stretch to the perimeter, and pass.
2) If no 1 comes true, then continue to force them to pass. Let Jefferson put the entire game on his shoulders and he WILL crumble. He will make a mistake or 3.
3) Stop that bullshit option thing they do and that inside give handoff. They run this a ton, with lots of success. Ask Alabama. I don’t know how you could every time except play disciplined and man the f up.
4) Watch for the Mad Hatterness. Don’t doubt for a second, at any point in the game, he wont run a double reverse pass back toss flea-flicker throwdown 3 plays in a row…with the Honey Badger….ridin’ a Zebra.
5) Force at least 2 turnovers. I don’t know how or when, but if we can force 2 turnovers….mmmm…it would be beyond huge.
6) Jarvis Jones, introduce yourself to Jordan “Semper Fidelis” Jefferson early and often.
6) Don’t let up. If they get up on us early, hunker it down and keep us in it. If any unit on our side can, it is the Defense. Save our asses if you have to. If you don’t, it’s over and over quickly.
1) No mistakes. This includes a) missing field goals under 51 yards b) muffing a punt c) shanking a punt d) out kickin our coverage e) missing coverage assignments f) getting our punts blocked g) fumbling on a kickoff.
2) Basically our special teams have to be perfect. Time and time again LSU has absolutely taken over a game with their special teams. Fake punts, punt returns, etc…they GOOD. If we can’t be perfect, we will probably lose. Look, its honest, right? I mean we’re not gonna just walk out there and win against the no 1 team in the land.
1) I know the guys aren’t scared, so come out loose. Have some fun. And feed off of each other. We’ve seen it in the Auburn and Tech games. We really took those over and everyone got involved: from Jarvis Jones to Zander Ogletree.
2) When they hit us (and they will) hit them right back. Straight in the mouth. This team hasn’t backed in to shit. We are on the 10 game winning streak. That is no fluke, especially in this league. Play like you belong, because regardless of what Mark ‘I hate UGA’ May says, YOU DO.
I know this was long, but it is how I would plan around this team. We have to pretty much do all of these to be successful tomorrow. It is a tall order, but achievable. Lady Luck’s tender caress won’t hurt either. We will not be able to beat LSU unless we play our best game of the year, on all sides of the ball. Period.
Larry, if you’re up there, see if you can send a couple of hobnail boots and see if we can’t just pull one more miracle out. Just for you, old pal. Just for you.
See you at the game. Yellow lot.
It’s Wednesday and while you’re
working hard wishing it was October 29, 2011, lets be honest any work that isn’t done already won’t get done until monday. I hope this tickles your fancy for the day while we all rationalize why Grantham didn’t rip that fucktard in Nashville a new one. Wait, he already did. James Franklin reminds me of that kid in class who would never give you that one answer for your homework and then got mad when no one picked him up for their team in P.E. (Ok, so I needed all the answers for homework, but you get it) Any who, I’ll be posting tweets that just made me feel warm, like your first Christmas sweater.
THE SLOW YA ROLE TWEET UH DA WEAK
So while you recover from what was surely just an amazing experience from the above content, let me take the time to say I think we have something special in Athens. This week’s bye week comes at a perfect time for such a young team, guys are banged up and now the “Dream Team” has experienced half of a season in the SEC. I know I know, with the exception of Sakerlina we didn’t exactly play the strongest SEC teams. But it isn’t like having the strongest schedule is necessarily a good thing, ask Florida. Looking back I am glad what happened in Nashville happened, Grantham and Co. are going to coach the guys up on defense. And you know after Grantham stood up for them, the defense is going to come out hotter than two rats fucking in a tube sock. Those guys have been playing out of their minds all year and with Alec Ogletree and Cornelius Washington back it is going to be interesting to see what Florida can do with injuries that have resulted in a one dimensional offense. And Bobo…. Well I don’t know what the fuck he is doing, but I hadn’t walked a day in the guys shoes and if Richt still has confidence in him then I am in like Flint. Florida’s defense is young upfront so I will be interested to see if they do some silent counts trying to draw guys offsides that is, of course, if the O-line shows discipline. (i.e. 3 and 57, Justin Anderson) Malcolm Mitchell getting healthy on the offensive side of the ball gives a legit deep threat again and arguably the best hands on the team. Crowell getting healthy, whether they admit he is banged up or not, is priceless. Yeah just like those credit card commercials. He is do for another big game after a few productive but not Crowell-like performances and all I can think about is Moreno going off in ’07 against Florida. The emergence of Marlon Brown couldn’t have come soon enough, it feels like he has been here forever and all you here is how good he is at practice. Practice? Oh yea thats where Shaq made free throws…