THE GAMBLER, week one

Well, well, well… look who’s back… it’s the original Dirk Diggler himself, Kenny “Goat Nuts” Rogers.

After a long and desolate off-season, we’re back with Kenny’s gamblin’ picks. These picks arrived at the HTT headquarters early this morning via Kenny’s trusted carrier pigeon, Buford. They’re fresh out of Vegas, where Kenny is currently calling home. He’s sent us a few “souvenirs” over the course of the summer, but they hardly classify as such; seeing as a used condom sprinkled with cocaine and an empty bottle of El Toro are hardly mantle-worthy.

Anyways, enough with the babble about Kenny’s inner demons and onto his picks!

How bad do you wanna see it, baby?

Howdy folks, Kenny here. Let us put my past years’ picks in the rear view mirror and start with a clean slate. Sometimes, the world of sports doesn’t agree with my picks, but what can a man do?

N.C. STATE +3.5 over TENNESSEE (Neutral site)
This Friday night matchup showcases a Wolfpack team with potential to make some noise in the ACC Atlantic division assuming that FSU and Clemson will shit the bed per usual, and a thugged out and overrated Vol squad. NC State was previously favored in this game, and I have no clue why that changed, especially with the departure of Da’Rick Rogers. NC State returns most of its 2011 team in tact, minus all three starting linebackers. They were totally different teams if you look at first half vs. second half, but if you’re a believer in momentum being carried into the next season, then NC State is your pick. Realistically, there are only three “gimme” games on the Tennessee schedule. You can bet that Baby Dooley would be out the door in a second if that came to fruition, further fueling the dumpster fire that is the Tennessee football program lately.

Furthermore, I cannot in good conscience trust in a man with a tattoo like the one below.

not sure if serious…

(24) BOISE STATE +7 over (13) @MICHIGAN STATE
I’m sticking with the upset trend on this one. Michigan State has one of the most talented and deepest linebacking corps in the nation, but like Boise State, they’re breaking in a new QB.

@PENN STATE -6 over OHIO
This one is about as risky as sending the grandkids over to Sandusky for a conjugal visit. Penn State might wanna go ahead and slip on down to DII for a while.

LORD I WAS BORN A NAMBLIN’ MANNNN

MIAMI -2 over @BOSTON COLLEGE
LOL @ Miami only being favored by two over BC.

AUBURN +3.5 over (14) CLEMSON (Neutral site)
SO MUCH FUCKING ORANGE OH GOD MAKE IT STOP

so inspiring…

@ (1) LSU -43 over NORTH TEXAS
LSU has won the last three games against the Mean Green by a combined score of 149-6. I think this one is a safe bet.

(2) ALABAMA -14 over (8) MICHIGAN (Neutral site)
Intriguing game here between the SEC’s best and the Big10’s best. Both teams are hoping to be in the MNC game conversation, but one of them will likely bow out of those talks after Saturday night. And by bow out I mean that Alabama is going to forcefully, and sexually, make the Wolverines to do things that no psychiatrist will ever be able to fix. Michigan and Denard Robinson rely heavily on big offensive plays, and Kirby Smart Nick Saban is really fucking good at not letting that happen. One of these has to give.

@ (16) VIRGINIA TECH -7.5 over GEORGIA TECH
Logan Thomas is Cam Newton without the drama and smarmyness and he will have a heyday with the Al Groh-led Yellow Jacket defense. And yes, Al Groh is still alive but he is at that stage where his diaper needs to be changed on the sidelines about 4-5 times per game.

@ (6) GEORGIA -38 over BUFFALO
I mean, seriously, it’s Buffalo. Plus the field is pretty.

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