Beat Florida…Pep Talk

As most of you who know my true identity, know that I have played this great game.  I still do, in my head.  That’s why I, of all authors here at HTT, have the chops to write this pep talk.

If I were on the UGA Football team, getting ready in Jax right before the game, this is what I would say:

“Get in here!   Get your asses over here!  Now listen you sons a bitches, I am sick and tired of all these people talking about ‘we’ve lost it’ and ‘we’re not good enough’  I’m tired of that shit.  I’m tired of coming down here every year and getting our asses handed to us!  I am tired of the bullshit ‘they’re better than we are’ mantra that goes around for this game.  That shit is over!  Do you hear me?!?  That shit is over.

Today men, we’re gonna go out there, in our white jerseys, and we’re gonna kick the shit out of those piece of shit gators from whistle to whistle.  We don’t need any gimmicks, new jerseys, or celebration penalties.  Just go out there, stick your helmet on some poor son of a bitch and let him know, as he’s having trouble getting up, that you’ll be right back on the next play.  Hit them in the mouth, again, and again, and again to where they want to quit.  Make them tired!  Make them lose contain!  Make them throw a pick! Make them know that this is not the Georgia they’re used to.  We’re not pussies tip toe’ing around any more.  This is a new era!  A new attitude!  WE DO NOT TAKE SHIT FROM ANYBODY ANY MORE!  All that talk of ‘calculated risk’ and ‘just enough to get it done’: FUCK THAT SHIT.  From snap one to snap 168 pound the guy in front of you and make him lament the fact that he even stepped on to the field today!!!

You have a chance to make all of our preseason goals come true.  No wishing, no if’s.  Let Sakerlina worry about themselves.  Because today it is ass whooping time and each of you have sold all of your tickets.  Cash them in on every single sorry piece of shit criminal they have in a blue uniform.  All the talk is now over.  All of these panty-waste pundits who couldn’t tackle out of wet paper bag can’t “analyze” the ‘what-ifs’ any more.  This is gonna happen.  Both teams are gonna step onto that field and play each other.  It’s up to you now men, to decide if these nay-sayers and fairweather fans are correct.  If they are, that means you just didn’t do what you were supposed to do and quit on yourselves and this team.  But I know that’s not gonna happen.

I want to pity these poor bastards on the opposite sidelines.  That can happen when we cram the ball down their throat drive after drive and then make them turn the ball over or punish them to get 3 and outs over and over again.  It’s time men.  It’s time for you to dominate this team, this field, both sides of the ball.  I want 60 minutes of smash-mouth football, no holds barred!  Can you do that?!  Let’s Go!”

So sue me if it sounds cheesy.  If I heard Coach Richt or Grantham say that, I would cream my pants.

-Inspector G

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