Celebrity Power Rankings
This week’s special celebrity guest is Gay Robot! A MIT scientist created a robot that came out gay when a wine cooler was accidentally spilled onto Gay Robot’s circuits.
1. LSU Tigers
Hopefully the Honey Badger doesn’t give a shit about where he gets naked. Yummy!
2. Ryan Phillippe
His eyes shimmer like the Caribbean Sea and his hair is the color of the Grand Canyon filled with lispy whispers.
3. Alabama Crimson Tide
I feel obligated to put them here even though they don’t allow gays to enter the state. Shame on you, Alabama!
4. Brady Quinn and Jimmy Clausen
These two were the only ones who ever used the glory hole in the Notre Dame locker room. They hold a special place in my heart – and also in my butt cheeks.
5. Oklahoma Sooners
Just the name BIG Game Bob gets me all moist in the circuits! Mmmmmm!
6. Wisconsin Badgers
If all of that Wisconsin cheese is dick cheese, then consider me died and gone to heaven!
7. Cal Bears
Close to San Fran? Bears? Everything about this place is perfect! Yes, please!
8. Challenger XL 3000 Buttplug
This guy has never left my side and never will until they create a bigger model and I upgrade.
9. Stephen Garcia
I enjoy trolling Craigslist for hot guys secretly needing a “release” and this shocked and flabbergasted bro is at the top of that list. Let Gay Robot help you out, Stephen.
10. Hawaii Rainbow Warriors