The Gambler, week 7
Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase Kenny Rogers brings you his week 7 college football notables sprinkled with the confetti of millions of dollars of Monopoly cash. Kenny went 3-3 with last week’s picks (which is better than normal) so he anticipates an upswing in luck for this weekend’s games.
OLE MISS +20.5 @ (8) ALABAMA
Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed. Nick Saban is pissed.
After the game, expect Jeremiah Masoli to take Greg McElroy’s sister out on a date.
(1) THE OHIO STATE -4 @ (18) WISCONSIN
I’m not buying this bullshit trap game talk. Wisconsin habitually shits the bed against top 10 teams and hasn’t come within 2 TD’s of one dating back to 2003. Despite being +3 in turnovers, the Badgers managed to fuck up and lose the game by 10 against Michigan State last weekend. This game should seal a Capital One or Outback bowl bid for an eventual 3-loss Wisconsin team.
GEORGIA -15 VS. VANDY
Maybe I’m just blinded by the literal butt-fucking that Georgia administered to Tennessee last weekend, but when things are clicking for the Dawgs they look like world beaters. Vandy gets some defensive help with a few injured players returning, but it won’t be enough to prevent the onslaught.
(15) IOWA -3 @ MICHIGAN
Same ol’ Michigan. Same corn-fed Iowa. We expect Iowa to keep Denard Robinson in check much like they did against GT in last year’s Orange Bowl.
(7) AUBURN -3.5 VS. (12) ARKANSAS
Auburn leads the SEC in rushing offense (276 ypg). Arkansas leads the SEC in passing offense (354 ypg). Auburn has bad pass defense. Arkansas has bad run defense. Yep, impending clusterfuck.
CAL +2.5 @ USC
I don’t really have a reason for this pick, I just hate Lane Kiffykins and my life would be fulfilled if I ever witnessed Ed “Big O” Orgeron having a mental breakdown on the sideline, complete with human sacrificing.
(24) OREGON STATE +1 @ WASHINGTON
Look, ESPN can hype the shit out of Jake Locker all they want, but no one is buying into Washington as a team. He really isn’t even that impressive. Washington still sucks and they still lose to the Beavers. It’s going to take a lot to erase the memory of 0-12.
(22) FLORIDA -7.5 VS. MISS STATE
If any head coach around the country knows the Gators as well as Urban Meyer does, it’s Dan Mullen. Unfortunately for Mullen, Steve Addazio has completely FUBAR’d any resemblance of the competent offense that Mullen left behind so it will be tricky for MSU to figure out what’s up Addazio’s sleeves (Hint: NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS).
(10) SAKERLINA -5 @ KENTUCKY
I’m still picking the Gamecocks even though Coach Spurrier quietly retired after beating Alabama last weekend.
THIS IS JUST LAUGHABLE…
PITT +1 @ SYRACUSE
You read that correctly: Syracuse is favored to beat someone. This is a combination of Syracuse being “better” and Pitt being shitty. Pitt owns exactly zero wins over BCS teams and the Orange’s victories have come at the expense of perennial powerhouses Akron, Maine, Colgate and USF. Trying to pick a winner in this game is like trying to divide by zero.