The Gambler, week 4

Kenny Rogers himself gives you tips for week 4’s notable lines and how you can avoid looking like this guy:

WTF ARE YOU THINKING?!?

OREGON STATE -17.5 @ (3) BOISE STATE
This is a nice line for those of you who enjoy skydiving with a parachute packed by a dyslexic person. Oregon State knows how big this game is not only for their program, but for all the Good Ole Boys out there hoping for Boise State to fall short of its BCS championship game goal.

KENTUCKY +14 @ (8) FLORIDA
Not the crazy pick that a Russian Roulette skydiver would gamble on, but also not for your Bodog elitist. The Cobb-Locke connection looks to be a potent weapon for Kentucky but UK’s zero-interception streak will end against a Gator defense that already has 10 picks on the year. We expect Kentucky to scare Florida early, but a late surge by the Gator offense will equal a loss for the Wildcats in the Swamp.

VIRGINIA TECH -4 @ BOSTON COLLEGE
If we were fans of either of these teams, frustration due to years of offensive ineptitude would have been noted in the suicide letter.

(21) WEST VIRGINIA +9 @ (12) LSU
Bill Stewart has the talent on his WVU squad to surprise LSU. WVU comes into Baton Rouge with the best skill position players that LSU sees all year until Oct 9 @ Florida. Both head coaches are skating by on a mixture of good talent and Lane Kiffin-esque coaching decisions so this could turn into a clusterfuck filled with questionable timeout calls and failed 2-point conversion attempts.

KENNY’S SAFE BETS

(9) OKLAHOMA -13.5 @ CINCINNATI
Cincy hasn’t shown it can hang with FBS teams since Brian Kelly’s departure, much less go toe-to-toe with a top 10 BCS team. Oklahoma owns two of the nation’s most impressive non-conference wins against FSU and Air Force. Reverse this bet if you see Bill Stewart roaming the Cincy sideline.

MISSISSIPPI -2.5 VS. FRESNO STATE
Houston Nutt should be able to lead the Rebels to victory at home over Pat Hill’s perennial underachieving Bulldogs. Of course we thought this would be the case in week one against FCS/D1-AA Jacksonville State so don’t underestimate the chances that the crazy college football gods smite Ole Miss for taking a chance on Jeremiah Masoli.

(1) ALABAMA -7 @ (11) ARKANSAS
This one may be better suited for a short-stock trader than for a fiscal conservative, but we think that Alabama has the tools on both sides of the ball, especially the lines, to stop Mallet the Punisher. The Tide’s running game will be simply too much for Arkansas to handle. Unlike Georgia’s dual-backs, Alabama’s are proven.

JUMP ON IT! Line of the Week

GEORGIA +1 @ MISSISSIPPI STATE
We would bet the house on this one, and then some. But would also keep a fake passport and plane ticket to Australia ready just in case. If Georgia manages to blow this, we will chalk it up to a cruel prank devised by God himself to punish the faction of UGA fans that run underground meth labs.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *