Faurot Field and Mizzou Review

1656 total miles driven through some of the prettiest country I’ve ever seen, but also I will never be driving there again because by the end of the trip, I was so tired of being in the car that I could scream.  I literally did a few times.

I can’t really tell you how proud I was of our team as I was leaving the stadium.  I know that we pissed the bed the first 2 quarters, but coming back like we did, how we did, and dominating all 3 aspects of the game (minus that one broken coverage breakdown) was glimpse into the world that could be the rest of the season.  I also landed several up close and personal seconds on ESPN during the broadcast.  Can’t lie, that was pretty great.

71,000 my ass…

The Review:

Traffic/Traffic Control:  A

Not much traffic to speak of.  The city is of decent size but even leaving the stadium was easy and without major delays.

Parking: A+

We were able to park on the first row of a deck less than a half mile from the stadium and a couple of blocks from downtown for 20.00.  Reasonable and close.  Loved it.

Tailgating: D

All I heard when we got there was how Gameday ready the fans would be.  How awesome and hard they tailgate, how technologically sound they all were.  Well news flash Mizzou fans, the only people that were up and tailgating the way it was supposed to be done at 8:30 AM were Dawgs fans. When you finally got up at noon and made an appearance, the Dawg nation had dominated most of your ‘prime tailgating spots’.  There is no wifi anywhere, no PA systems set up anywhere, the only TV set ups were Dawg fans and your best attempt at emulating us was some sort of parking lot that featured a spectacle of flailing arm flailing inflatable blow up tube guys.

These people are in for a culture shock when they get on a REAL SEC campus.

Talent: C+

It looks like the tree doesn’t have many branches and the apples don’t fall far from the tree.  Just like the UGA bloodline, these people are in desperate need of some new blood to round out their looks.  There were some pretty girls, but I dare say they were as hot as they looked because their overall appeal was inflated based on the status quo bridge trolls that were running around.

Maybe instead of wearing t-shirts as dresses and shitty jeans and flip flops and actually take notes of the REAL SEC coeds, they may have a chance to go to a B.

Downtown Area: B

Their fan base is proud of their town.  And I’m proud of mine, too.  But all I heard was how Columbia was just like Athens, only smaller and how ‘at-home’ I would feel.  One word for that noise: bullshit.  In no way, shape, form, smell, taste, sight, touch, feel, and atmosphere does there downtown area like Athens save narrow streets with trees surrounding them,

Distance to Stadium (from tailgate): A

We wound up at the furthest parking lot away from the stadium, but there was a shuttle.

Fans: A

The most kindhearted and genuine people (as a fan base) you’ll ever meet behind Ole Miss.  Warm, talkative, and welcoming: these people are the epitome of Southern Hospitality and Class.  I even received a gift of orange bitters from a very nice gentleman in Jefferson City.  Georgia fans take note.

However, I recommend that the younger generation of Mizzou fans step up their game.  They were all wearing stupid skinny jeans, hooped stretched ear-lobe bullshit and smoking pot out of a one hitter in public.  I’ve never seen so many college age people vomit at will and witness a very classy (and hot) coed walk up within 30 yards of me, go behind a tree (or so she thought) drop her jeans and take a steaming piss. Then stood up, bare ass for all to see, and cleaned up.  It was kinda gross yet kinda hot.  But it definitely wasn’t classy especially since a no-line pod of porta-pottys was in clear view from ground zero.

Stadium Crowd Control/Entrance: A

Easy as it gets.  Period.

Stadium Atmosphere: B++

No way that stadium holds 71,000 people.  I’m not buying it.  It was loud though, very loud.  And I was on the front row along with about 15 other Dawg fans in a sea of yellow.  Loved it.  Stadium was hyped up all game until it was decided.

Concessions: C

Eh…just so so.

Bathrooms: A

Nothing but old style urine troughs.  LOVED IT.  Easiest in and out job I’ve performed in while.

Stadium Music: C-

The same old same old.

Field Appearance/Play: A

I hate field turf, but the field played relatively fast and it had pretty colors. 😉

Traffic control on exiting: A

Super easy.  I was super happy.

OVERALL: A

This was probably the most fun that I have had on a road trip in some time.  The fans were so welcoming and so much fun to be around.  I really enjoyed the beautiful town and campus and atmosphere.  The game was nerve racking but ultimately loads of fun.  I will be going back.

Thanks for the good time Columbia and The University of Missouri.

-Inspector G

Todd Gurley: Progression In Ya Head

This is what happened:

This is what he be thinking while he were doin’ it:

Step 1: Run the hell over fat offensive lineman

Step 2: Make that cut to my left

Step 3: Straight thug nasty stif arm that bitch to the turf

Step 4: Turn tha corner

Step 5: Throwin’  em offa me

Step 6: Run them shits

Step 7: Celebrate with my boys

Step 8: Snow Bunnies! (This step was not featured in the clip, but we can assure you there are some VERY disappointed Daddy’s out there)

Why not, am I right?

 

This is how we do it.

-Inspector G

THE GAMBLER, week one

Well, well, well… look who’s back… it’s the original Dirk Diggler himself, Kenny “Goat Nuts” Rogers.

After a long and desolate off-season, we’re back with Kenny’s gamblin’ picks. These picks arrived at the HTT headquarters early this morning via Kenny’s trusted carrier pigeon, Buford. They’re fresh out of Vegas, where Kenny is currently calling home. He’s sent us a few “souvenirs” over the course of the summer, but they hardly classify as such; seeing as a used condom sprinkled with cocaine and an empty bottle of El Toro are hardly mantle-worthy.

Anyways, enough with the babble about Kenny’s inner demons and onto his picks!

How bad do you wanna see it, baby?

Howdy folks, Kenny here. Let us put my past years’ picks in the rear view mirror and start with a clean slate. Sometimes, the world of sports doesn’t agree with my picks, but what can a man do?

N.C. STATE +3.5 over TENNESSEE (Neutral site)
This Friday night matchup showcases a Wolfpack team with potential to make some noise in the ACC Atlantic division assuming that FSU and Clemson will shit the bed per usual, and a thugged out and overrated Vol squad. NC State was previously favored in this game, and I have no clue why that changed, especially with the departure of Da’Rick Rogers. NC State returns most of its 2011 team in tact, minus all three starting linebackers. They were totally different teams if you look at first half vs. second half, but if you’re a believer in momentum being carried into the next season, then NC State is your pick. Realistically, there are only three “gimme” games on the Tennessee schedule. You can bet that Baby Dooley would be out the door in a second if that came to fruition, further fueling the dumpster fire that is the Tennessee football program lately.

Furthermore, I cannot in good conscience trust in a man with a tattoo like the one below.

not sure if serious…

(24) BOISE STATE +7 over (13) @MICHIGAN STATE
I’m sticking with the upset trend on this one. Michigan State has one of the most talented and deepest linebacking corps in the nation, but like Boise State, they’re breaking in a new QB.

@PENN STATE -6 over OHIO
This one is about as risky as sending the grandkids over to Sandusky for a conjugal visit. Penn State might wanna go ahead and slip on down to DII for a while.

LORD I WAS BORN A NAMBLIN’ MANNNN

MIAMI -2 over @BOSTON COLLEGE
LOL @ Miami only being favored by two over BC.

AUBURN +3.5 over (14) CLEMSON (Neutral site)
SO MUCH FUCKING ORANGE OH GOD MAKE IT STOP

so inspiring…

@ (1) LSU -43 over NORTH TEXAS
LSU has won the last three games against the Mean Green by a combined score of 149-6. I think this one is a safe bet.

(2) ALABAMA -14 over (8) MICHIGAN (Neutral site)
Intriguing game here between the SEC’s best and the Big10’s best. Both teams are hoping to be in the MNC game conversation, but one of them will likely bow out of those talks after Saturday night. And by bow out I mean that Alabama is going to forcefully, and sexually, make the Wolverines to do things that no psychiatrist will ever be able to fix. Michigan and Denard Robinson rely heavily on big offensive plays, and Kirby Smart Nick Saban is really fucking good at not letting that happen. One of these has to give.

@ (16) VIRGINIA TECH -7.5 over GEORGIA TECH
Logan Thomas is Cam Newton without the drama and smarmyness and he will have a heyday with the Al Groh-led Yellow Jacket defense. And yes, Al Groh is still alive but he is at that stage where his diaper needs to be changed on the sidelines about 4-5 times per game.

@ (6) GEORGIA -38 over BUFFALO
I mean, seriously, it’s Buffalo. Plus the field is pretty.

Your 2012 SEC team as a childhood wrestler

Today, HailToThee brings to you all of your SEC brethren as a classic wrestler. And by classic, we mean those dirtbag, steroid-infused coke head wrestlers from the 80’s and 90’s.

In no particular order, here we go…

South Carolina

Lucha libre and cockfighting go hand-in-hand, therefore it only makes sense that South Carolina is the La Parka of the SEC. Like the ‘cocks, La Parka was just sort of there, not winning any championships. Ever.

Alabama

Taste it, bro. Just the cheese.

Yokozuna sounds about right here. He was hated by anyone not a Yokozuna fan, and he took the conservative approach, just like the Crimson Tide, by merely sitting on his opponent. Imagine the smell! This 600-pound fat fuck was basically unbeatable in his prime. But eventually he died.

Tennessee

Fact: We’ve seen one of these in Knoxville. We’re talking about trannies, here.

Tennessee is Hillbilly Jim. There is no need to explain this nor can it be refuted.

Auburn

“How about you hold one half of the scissors so it reiterates how close we are bro.”

Little brother syndrome? Brutus Beefcake, come on down! Not too fast now, you don’t want to step out of the Hulkster’s shadow!

Both Mississippi Schools

What’s going on with those inner thigh regions?

Fattest state? Fattest tag-team! The Natural Disasters are a perfect fit here. If the Egg Bowl were really a match between these two behemoths, it would look like two sacks of potatoes trying to have sex with each other. No one here wants to see that.

Georgia

It’s the fucking ENFORCER to you, son!

“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Because Georgia is the most American school in the country. Plus, he looks like someone from the Macon-Warner Robins area. Goldberg would be most people’s logical choice, but we’re not very rational here.

Florida

This version…

Florida, you are Razor Ramon. However, you’re not the suave, Scarface-type Razor Ramon with all of the slick promo videos prowling the STD-riddled beaches of Miami. You’re the overweight, alcoholic with cirrhosis who wears 3XL button-up silk shirts paired with a nice set of black denim jorts.


Not this version.

Vanderbilt

Vandy, you are Virgil.

Missouri

We don’t really know anything about Missouri except that Gary Pinkel likes to get tanked off of skunked Miller High Life at the local Applebee’s and then go cruising. At first, Stone Cold Steve Austin comes to mind because of this insatiable thirst for terrible beer, but there’s no fucking way Missouri is that cool, so they get relegated down a few notches to Jake “the Snake” Roberts, a true alcoholic. Also, not really a threat unless a poisonous reptile is present.

Texas A&M

$5 to touch it, $10 for me to touch yours

The Aggies would be Shawn Michaels had he never exploded in popularity in the early 90’s. Just your everyday dude running around with a feathered out dirty blonde mullet.

Kentucky

Would not hit.

Poor ol’ UK, just plain terrible as of late, isn’t really good enough at football to warrant a male wrestler alias, so we’re going with Luna Vachon here. Kentucky would be beastly in the women’s division!

LSU

The Canadian Crippler is the choice that makes sense to us. Chris Beniot, like LSU, is volatile and unpredictable. Les Miles is one frustrating upset loss to a 2-10 team away from Crippler Crossfacing his entire family to death.

Arkansas

Cum in me bro! I mean… come at me bro!

Bobby Petrino would love to have a fling with this little lady… and this little lady is Goldust. Shhh, don’t pay any attention to what was poking you in the back on that motorcycle ride. Was it as magical for you as it was for me?

Summer Lovin’: Hailtothee.com’s Speed Coach Turns Activist…and Other UGA Preseason Developments…

Now, That’s A Spicy Chicken Biscuit: Hailtothee’s own Nicholas Davis and Scooter in a sweet moment of mayonnaise and pickle bliss!

 

So, hopefully you all remember our previously out of work speed coach, Nicholas Davis.  Maybe you don’t.  Here is an update to refresh your memory.

We’re all about charity here at HTT and when this beatuiful man came to us begging on hands and knees (mostly knees, though) we were happier than Sandusky in game room at a Shakey’s Pizza to give him a job.  What is he good at?  Who knows.  I’ve heard he’s been known to impersonate Bono from U2, sing a beautiful rendition of Garth Brooks ‘Calling Baton Rouge’, eat at unconventional hours, lose mercilessly to everyone else in his fantasy football league, bitches harder than Lindsey Lohan when she’s out of blow, and loves the word ‘May-yan’.

We sent this buxom bottom out to UGA’s training camp to get the scoop on the happenings of preseason.  So did he pass the test? (You have to read this out loud and in the style of a gay pageant coordinator from Dothan, Alabama for it to have its full effect)  “Sure may-yan.” He says, ” Hepatitus test, right?  I passed that I think. 2 A’s a B and a C”.  He apparently met up with one of the comment handles here, Scooter, during ‘Chick-fi-la Gate 2012’ or what we like to call ‘Nuggets and Nom Noms’.  He thought old ‘shirt over your head’ disguise would work.  He should have known better.  You can’t disguise a Grade-A piece of he-pussy of that quality….no sir…no way.

So here we go, on with the preseason break down: (Keep reading this in the voice)

“Ok may-yan.  Here is the deal.  We got a lot of depth comin’ bay-yack on both sides of the ball.  Let’s start with the DEFENSE.  Oh yeah!  Kickin’ names and takin’ ass!  Check it out: Jarvis Jones, gonna walk all over folks.  This all-america, all-sec, all-stud will be wreaking havoc all season long.  Get Ready!  But, there is another.  Yes, another.  Just like in Star Wars.  He is also a JJ.  Jordan Jenkins that is.  He will probably make a big splash in the Mizzou game, but from what I hear that kid is gonna be something special.

Looking further into the defense, as long as we can keep our guys on the field and have them not smoke the weed and drive drunk, then we should be ok.  I’m really excited to see ol’ Corni Washington (he let’s me call him that because he is cornier than a fall parade in Iowa) with his hand on the ground rushing (and demolishing) slow, man-titted lineman,

Looking at the offense: Murray will never be as good as ANY QB who has ever played for the illustrious Wisconsin Badgers, but he is pretty good.  It looks like he has been taking the advice from the knowledgeable and football gurus over in the AJC’s comment section and this 35 td, record breaking, all SEC QB will be taking lessons from the greatest QB of all time, Mr. Hutson Mason.  With his footwork much improved from a season earlier, look for Murray to have a good year and be impressive in good games.  But look to Mason to burn that red-shirt and become the GREATEST QB the world has ever seen with a 51% completion rate and 13 TD’s.

Our running back situation is just like this:

That’s right…fuckin’ in a pile.  No one knows who is gettin’ it and know one knows who is takin’ it.  Look for Ken Malcome to get the initial starting nod, but Gurley and Marshall should get some looks early and often.

Receivers look good.  Chris Conley may one day be the first black President that I would actually vote for.

Special teams?  Are you kidding?  After Blair Walsh girlfriends did one of these to him:

You can’t hit the broad side of a barn when your girl fucks with your video games stuff. Apparently Starcraft 2 Beta Key Shit is for real.

So we now have a freshman punter and kicker.  Ehhh…we should be fine.

There you have it. ”

Well, here we are my friends.  Close to kickoff…less than 9 days away now.

-Inspector G

 

Welcome Back!

La la ladies and Gentleman!  Welcome to the show.  It’s a week before gameday kickoff 2012 and you know what that means: HTT is back!  We’re here because we want to be here.  We’re here because the chicks dig it.  We’re here because no one else has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.

And there you have it folks.  Our new slogan: “Hey, we’re just saying what everyone else is thinking…”

This year there will be some of your favorites: my analysis, Captain’s whimsical innappropriateness, Jedi’s new bag (since breaking in his HTT cherry last year).  Oh yeah, you’re favorite characters will be back as well: Kenny Rogers, Alan Keyes, The Macho Man…who knows, we may be adding some more.

Remember, we do this for fun and we do it for all of you who take the time to click here.  We appreciate you.

Season starts in 10 days.  Prepare your anus.

-Inspector G

On A Positive Note

Fellow dawg fans Saturday night hurt bad, Inspector G and I set in the dome in amazement. We went from calling plays before they happened, high five-ing people we dont know,  to playing referee. You know what it means when you’re playing referee? Lets just say I hadn’t played it since week one and two and was just fine with it.  What hurts the most is that while I am on the energy bus trying to find the good in all this, I have to read how my favorite of all favorites, Mr. Chris Low himself, call out UGA fans.

Unreasonable Georgia fans: Before the SEC championship game was even over last Saturday, some so-called Georgia fans started venting about how Mark Richt simply wasn’t the guy to take the Bulldogs to that next level. The last time I checked, Georgia has a chance to win 11 games, won 10 in a row this season and will be a top 15 team to start next season. I’d say Richt has earned a chance to stick around for a while. (Emphasis NOT added)

I really don’t know who these people are and can only hope that these are people with experience coaching college football at least the amount of years as Coach Richt and are more successful than he has been. And I am sure that these are the same people who were booing Crowell when he limped off the field clearly gutting it out for his team. Chris Burnette is 313 lbs, think of a way you can slam that weight on your ankle and be 100% in two weeks and let me know. If your argument to rid Richt is the “how many National Championships has he won?” debate, just stop. Now more than ever we have experienced how much the BCS is a joke. Last team to win SEC and not go to the National Championship? UGA 2005. SO PLEASE DONT BLAME RICHT. Now I know I am not the one who is always calm and level headed at all times, but at this time of the year we need to be encouraged and excited about what’s ahead and with that I give you some things to think about after a tough loss:

  1. UGA has legitimate All-Americans and the SEC FOY.
  2. Respect Grantham’s recruiting and there is still some talent in the hunt. Just go down the list and look at size and weight for the defensive prospects. People say John Atkins and the two Jenkins County High School boys are freakish athletes.
  3. This guy announces tomorrow, and Coach Richt was at his house on Sunday: watch?v=6u7ElD8oJ5I
  4. Back to players who have already enrolled, anybody notice that UGA has two 5 stars recruits that barely played, if at all? Ray Drew has played sparingly and showed some huge upside. Jay Rome redshirted and is one of the best recruits from last year, he jast happens to play the position UGA has the most depth at.
  5. Joe T3, I have been very impressed with the lack of injuries and endurance of the team, especially the offensive line. It seems like all the injuries have been bone breaks, and unpreventable sprains, it is remarkable how the O-line has held up all year long and in the 4th quarter and I could never tell a drop-off.
  6. Big surprises:  Chris Conley, Malcolm Mitchell, Armarlo Herrara, Michael Bennett, Garrison Smith, Dallas Lee
  7. Unsung Heroes: Blake Sailors, Bruce Figgins-first year as FB and did well, Mike Gilliard, Alexander Ogletree, Sanders Commings- Boykin and Smith get the attention, but this kid is good.
  8. And I saved one line item for Ken Malcolme, kid played really well against Tech and made one heckuva cut to get nice yardage against LSU. I am all for him starting against Michigan State. He runs hard, plays hard and I think once you give him a few reps to get settled in, he will shine.
  9. Next years schedule. It doesn’t have where Missouri plays into this, but if I am making that schedule I sub Bama for Missouri. Because they will be stacked need to play A&M as well.
  10. Players and coaches agree, no more combat uniforms. Please God, never again.

Taking Care of Business…

Two Simple Words: Go Dawgs!

 

Maybe you wanted a ‘Keyes to the Game’?  Maybe you wanted a post that linked the best breakdowns in the Dawg Nation Blog Roll.  Well today, you just get me, Inspector G.  Alone with my thoughts….delivering to you the most honest blue-print for success for UGA on Saturday.  You may not agree and that’s ok.

I sit here at Midnight on the Eve of this game wondering about our chances.  Hell, who hasn’t had a post this week about this game?  Blutarsky (as usual) has pinned exactly all of my thoughts before I could even write them.  The Georgia Sports Blog has even seen some Paul Westerdawg gems.  Facebook has been riddled with so many posts about this game, it’s about to shut down and here is this little ‘ole blog quietly relishing getting picked up by the dawgbone.net that has led to the most hits we’ve ever had in a month.  For that we thank you.  Yay!  (not so quiet anymore, huh?) But, back to business…

How many times have you heard this all week, “Well, LSU is the most dominant team in the country.  They’re in the BCS Championship win or lose.  However, who is UGA to summon up the nuts enough to play?  How does UGA even prepare for LSU?  They’re too fast.  Too strong.  Too good.  UGA is just another walk in the park for them.”  Huh?  You’ve heard that?  So have I.  Surprisingly, there are a few little pockets of the contrary out there (outside of the UGA blog rolls) that have actually given UGA a punchers chance.

To be honest, I still don’t know exactly what to think about this game yet.  On one hand, we are playing a team that I have watched no less than 6 times this year and I can say that this team would wipe the floor with ’06 Florida and ’10 Auburn.  They are vicious, ruthless, unrelenting, poised, talented, and are well coached.  What are we?

What are we, seriously?  Are we a team that has improved constantly to a point where we are actually playing our best ball right now?  Or are we, as most pundits pointed out, the recipients of the Miss Congeniality Award bestowed upon the SEC Team with the weakest schedule?  I can answer that second question for sure: HELL NO.  UGA has played 4 ranked teams.  Lost to 2 top 10 teams and beat two top 20 teams.  The team hasn’t backed in to shit…

What do we have to do to win?  The question of the week.  Maybe the question of the year.  Here is my list of what we have to do and why…

Offense:

1) Be patient, but take risks.  Conflicting views?  Maybe, but what I mean by this is that the last time we played a team of this caliber, we tried to force so many things we didn’t have to…talkin about Boise.  We know what we do well and there is no reason why we should come out and immediately do a double reverse pass back toss flea-flicker throwdown.  Although a couple of well-timed trick-plays would be nice.

2) Make them have an answer for Orson.  No team has really had an answer for him all year.  Let’s see just how good Orson (or the LSU linebackers/DB’s) can be.  He may be the best TE in the country, try him a couple of times and see what happens.

3) Receivers play smarter.  Look, our freshmen “Triumvirate of Awesomeness” (Bennett, Mithcell, Conley) are good.  But, they are not going to out-athlete LSU’s DB’s.  They have to play smart and key on what they are giving us (just like those cut off routes against Auburn).  Don’t over do it.  Run clean routes and anticipate Murray having to scramble and hit you on an impromptu.

4) OL has to have their best game. Ever. In the History of Best Games.  You know why.  Everyone knows why.

5) Key on their aggressiveness.  The 6 times I’ve watched LSU they have played so aggressive in the secondary.  They feed on that aggressiveness.  Burn them with it.  If 3 and 4 are coming true and they start jumping routes, punish them with a pump and go.  Punish them with a screen.

6) Crowell/Malcome/Thomas do not have to carry the team on their shoulders.  Just be somewhat efficient.  If Crowell especially can get a few nice gains early, the play action will be much more effective.

7) Murray has to have his best game.  There has been much talk about Murray’s Nostradamus-esque prediction that UGA would be back to the dome. He’s a winner and leads those around him with poise, drive, and tenacity.  Now, he just has to be accurate.  You and I both know what happens when he gets pressured early: the footwork begins to weaken and the throws are all over the place. If he can trust Ben Jones and Co, it may get dangerous out there.

 

DEFENSE

1) Stop the run with pure athleticism.  And you’re all going “well no shit, Sherlock”…but wait.  WITH PURE ATHLETICISM?  Big John Jenkins, Geathers, Abry Jones, and Garrison Smith showed last week (and all year) they can take over a game and do some work.  LSU’s offense is not this juggernaut of excellence that everyone continues to say (and yes, I know there is a point to be made about their toughness, but I’m not buying it).  Get the penetration, make them stretch to the perimeter, and pass.

2) If no 1 comes true, then continue to force them to pass.  Let Jefferson put the entire game on his shoulders and he WILL crumble.  He will make a mistake or 3.

3) Stop that bullshit option thing they do and that inside give handoff.  They run this a ton, with lots of success.  Ask Alabama.  I don’t know how you could every time except play disciplined and man the f up.

4) Watch for the Mad Hatterness.  Don’t doubt for a second, at any point in the game, he wont run a double reverse pass back toss flea-flicker throwdown 3 plays in a row…with the Honey Badger….ridin’ a Zebra.

5) Force at least 2 turnovers.  I don’t know how or when, but if we can force 2 turnovers….mmmm…it would be beyond huge.

6) Jarvis Jones, introduce yourself to Jordan “Semper Fidelis” Jefferson early and often.

6) Don’t let up.  If they get up on us early, hunker it down and keep us in it.  If any unit on our side can, it is the Defense.  Save our asses if you have to.  If you don’t, it’s over and over quickly.

 

SPECIAL TEAMS

1) No mistakes. This includes a) missing field goals under 51 yards b) muffing a punt c) shanking a punt d) out kickin our coverage e) missing coverage assignments f) getting our punts blocked g) fumbling on a kickoff.

2) Basically our special teams have to be perfect.  Time and time again LSU has absolutely taken over a game with their special teams.  Fake punts, punt returns, etc…they GOOD.  If we can’t be perfect, we will probably lose.  Look, its honest, right?  I mean we’re not gonna just walk out there and win against the no 1 team in the land.

 

OVERALL TEAM

1) I know the guys aren’t scared, so come out loose.  Have some fun.  And feed off of each other.  We’ve seen it in the Auburn and Tech games.  We really took those over and everyone got involved: from Jarvis Jones to Zander Ogletree.

2) When they hit us (and they will) hit them right back.  Straight in the mouth.  This team hasn’t backed in to shit.  We are on the 10 game winning streak.  That is no fluke, especially in this league.  Play like you belong, because regardless of what Mark ‘I hate UGA’ May says, YOU DO.

 

I know this was long, but it is how I would plan around this team.  We have to pretty much do all of these to be successful tomorrow.  It is a tall order, but achievable.  Lady Luck’s tender caress won’t hurt either.  We will not be able to beat LSU unless we play our best game of the year, on all sides of the ball.  Period.

Larry, if you’re up there, see if you can send a couple of hobnail boots and see if we can’t just pull one more miracle out.  Just for you, old pal.  Just for you.

See you at the game.  Yellow lot.

Go Dawgs!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=twD4vTjZ1tQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=KBgh366drDs

-Inspector G

 

 

THE GAMBLER, CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION

The Gambler is back with his week 14 picks including the meaningful conference championship games. Saddle up but don’t put any real, actual cash on these picks because ol’ Kenny went a dismal 5-5 in his most recent choices. Shame on you, you old bearded bastard.

SOUTH FLORIDA +2.5 vs. #23 WEST VIRGINIA
LOL @ Big East.

HOLGO MAD

#9 OREGON -31.5 vs. UCLA
Beautiful Ricky Neuheisel is asking for your thoughts and prayers in this one because it’s going to be a SACRIFICIAL BLOOD BATH. UCLA is scoring (23.2 ppg) less points per game than it is giving up (30.8 ppg). That’s all you need to know. Nothing to see here move along, folks.

MACHO MADNESS RETURNS BROTHER

#17 BAYLOR -2.5 vs. #22 TEXAS
Texas is driving that overrated train off into Failville. Auburn and Florida are already there.

#3 OKLAHOMA STATE -3.5 vs. #10 OKLAHOMA
Just like Baylor ended its losing streak against the Sooners, so will Oklahoma State. Both of these teams committed uncharacteristic turnovers in their most recent games (both being against Iowa State… lol) with the lone loss for OSU coming in said game. OSU has a slight offensive edge and OU has the defensive edge, but this game is in Stillwater and Mike Gundy is less of a douchebag than Big Game Bob.

#13 MICHIGAN STATE +9.5 vs. #15 WISCONSIN
I think Wisky wins the rematch here but I’m not seeing where the 9+ points come from as the last meeting was so close. MSU’s defense forced 2 Russell Wilson INTs (out of 3 for the season) so it would be lucky for the Spartans to catch that kind of break again. Both teams are playing pretty well right now and one of them is going to end the other’s 4-game winning streak.

#5 VIRGINIA TECH -6.5 vs. #20 CLEMSON
Clemson’s downward spiral into Tommybowdendom continues this week as it looks to lose its 4th out of its previous 5 contests after starting out 8-0. With embarrassing losses to NC State and South Carolina over the last two weeks, they’ve appeared to have lost that it factor that they had early on. The Hokies couldn’t muster up much on offense in the first meeting between these two which left Clemson with good field position for nearly the entire game. Since then, however, Thomas and Wilson have emerged as dangerous and consistent while Boyd has regressed due to defenses picking up on his tendencies.

Packed the fuck out!

#14 GEORGIA +13.5 vs. #1 LSU
Not putting on the red homer glasses and filling myself with false hope here, but there certainly are many reasons to be optimistic as a Georgia fan, both defensively and offensively. In looking at only the six common opponents that both teams have faced this season, Georgia has held its own compared to LSU when it comes to yards gained and yielded. The big difference, however, has generally been the scores. LSU averaged a 38.3 – 7.3 score while the Bulldogs kept it a bit closer with a 26.5 – 12 average. This is the result of LSU being really damn good at finding all of that hidden yardage. If Georgia doesn’t punch itself in the face with poor ball control and lackluster special teams play, then LSU had better watch out for its cornhole, bud.

Common opponents comparison

I leave you with this.

And Go Dawgs.

Top Ten Reasons UGA beats LSWho

Before we delve into the title content, I must address this whole disrespect issue and do not read the next sentence out loud, or do. WHAT THE FUCK DOES A TEAM NEED TO DO FOR RESPECT? 14 in the country? UGA is ranked nationally lower than Sakerlina when they rank higher than them in their own conference and who has Arkansas really beat? A non-Lattimore Sakerlina. Get the fuck out of here. The BCS is a travesty. Herbie and Corso said UGA would lose against Tech and for all you diehards like me, Herbie dismissed the idea UGA would beat LSU at the 9 o’clock hour with Erin Andrews and David Pollack, who cares? If those two make or break your Saturday brunch in whitey tighties and house loafers just remember, this is what they are capable of. Like anything else on the interwebs, if you search long enough you will find some common f^&#$g sense :

“Quibble all you want about the relative strength of Georgia’s schedule, but you can’t look beyond Louisiana State University and Houston and find another team in the nation on a 10-game winning streak. Georgia earned its place in the Southeastern Con­ference championship game against the supposedly invincible LSU. Whether it can hang with the heavily favored Tigers next Saturday in Atlanta will be the subject of much debate over the next six days.”

I am not asking for a UGA 52 LSU 24 irrational prediction, just give me something with evidence of why we DESERVE to be in this game:

” Boise State and South Carolina combined for eight offensive touchdowns in the first two games. In the 10 [games] since, Georgia has allowed only 12 offensive touchdowns. That includes one or none in seven of the 10 games. This is the second-best defense LSU will face this season. They managed only three field goals (one in overtime) against the only opponent with a better one, Alabama.”

Now to the Top Five

  1. UGA players are pissed, in 2007 we don’t go to national championship because we don’t win SEC, now if UGA does win…. We still don’t go? Thats WTF Story of the Week material right there. (BTW Jim Rome, I still hate you)
  2. QB’s- In “the game of the century” not only were there no touchdowns, but the marine-face-kicker threw 10 times. Ten times. 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1= 10 times. Say whatever you want, but Tech threw more than that last weekend.
  3. QB’s- Because Aaron Murray deserves his own reason/number, he is the undisputed best QB is the SEC and I think we all know if Murray doesn’t play well UGA loses.
  4. Because everyone wants another kiss. On to 5., I am getting all hot.
  5. Few have mentioned it, but Grantham and his badass self are due for a long discussion with AD Greg McGarity about the future, and a SECC works well in both their favor. But mostly Grantham, refer back to UGA beating offers last season.
  6. As cheesy as it may sound, how appropriate is it that UGA win the SECC 2 weeks before Mr. Munson’s Memorial.
  7. I hate to go back to that year, but this sounds so much like what “the experts” were saying about Hawaii in 2007 just on the other side of the ball. Yes, I believe Bobo can play-call better than Mr. Dirty Sanchez can blitz honey badgers.
  8. My bromantic sensations Jarvis Jones and Alec Ogletree, the most underrated LBs I know of. Maybe Jarvis should dye his hair blonde…. NOT.
  9. Balance. With all the offenses: Spread, Option, Spread Option, Power Running, blah blah blah. Try a Balanced Pro-Style Offense, we are two dimensional, throw and pass. TE’s and WR’s. RB’s and a 272 FB. Deal with it. Go down the list of all LSU’s victories, not one balanced offense.
  10. You can pay for school, but you can’t buy class. No, I am not talking about the “class” personality trait that GT fans always bring up after you make them aware of the ass whooping they just received. I am talking about Coach Richt. If you watch anything on the news you see all the trash. Starting with Oregon recruiting, THE Ohio State ….tattoos and auctioned memorabilia, Mike Leach, Lane Kiffin, Syracuse situation and of course Penn State. How thankful should we be of Coach Richt? Forget wins and losses, I can’t sleep at night if I am suspicious of my teams coach being a douche of the day on the regular guys. (Which I confess, Inspector exposed me to) I know UGA’s old AD got a DUI and was caught with a lady “friend whore” but did UGA not handle that swiftly? Coach Richt is as classy as it gets and he has coached an 0-2 hot seat to a 10-2 contract extention. Coach up the guys and get that ring coach. (And watch out Kathryn).

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